Greetings Card Verses
I was asked to write a series of verses for greetings cards. Here are some of them:
Birthday – Husband
Some women say that men are strange and that they hale from Mars -
They tinker with their nuts and bolts; the Sat. Nav. in their cars,
But without you, my Martian friend, I would not feel like Venus:
Greeted happily each day by a big, friendly… smile.
Birthday – Wife
Without you in my life, the world would be a dreary place,
like a star extinguished as it floats through lonely outer space.
You’re comforting like crumpets on a cold, dark winter night;
you’re hotter than a flambé when the brandy flames ignite.
Birthday - Teen (Male)
You are the hippest chap I know - the freshest in the land.
You rock just like a singer in a red-hot indie band.
You’re groovier than vinyl and smoother than cream cheese.
You’re cooler still than ice or snow; the folks around you freeze.
And so I hope your birthday is as hot as you are cool -
Best birthday wishes trendy pants, you’re hip, you’re hop, you rule!
Birthday – Teen (Female)
Like a prima ballerina or a princess at a ball,
You are the sweetest girl there is: the fairest of them all.
Don’t consult a magic mirror or a misty crystal orb,
Just make a wish and hold this card - its power you’ll absorb.
You see, I filled it specially with thoughts that are enchanted,
So Happy Birthday, gorgeous girl, I hope your wish is granted!
Going To University
Grow Your Own Student
- Plant close to uni. in a rented room. Patiently wait for the fresher to bloom.
- Water with booze (to keep out the cold). Watch fancy-dress foliage start to unfold.
- Sprinkle with lectures and day-time TV; try to prune back any stray shopping-spree.
- Feed up with fast-food and cut-price nosh; use NUS card to save on the dosh.
- Cover with mulch made from magical mates - if your seedling was single then add a few dates.
- Allow hibernation. Be patient and prudent.
- When RAG week arrives, you’ll have grown your own student!
1st – Paper
Last year confetti fell over our heads:
Pink paper petals and shimmering shreds.
Since then we’ve been wrapped up in marital lust:
The tissue of truth and ribbons of trust.
Still my heart flutters - a bright paper dove,
When you fold me in your origami of love.
10th – Aluminium
‘What’s aluminium?’, you may well have pondered,
This malleable metal is not to be squandered.
Its surface is shiny: a silvery hue -
Used to make foil and aeroplanes too.
A thermal conductor resisting corrosion -
It’s really reactive; could cause an explosion.
Aluminium, therefore, is like you and me:
Flexible. Lustrous. Explosive. Rust-free.
30th - Pearl
Pearls, they say, occur in the shells,
Of oysters annoyed by invading cells.
The oyster summons the strength it can muster,
To roll up the dirt in layers of lustre,
Converts irritation to valuable thing,
A Midas creation like dust into bling.
We’ve overcome trials, withstood stormy weather;
Thirty years later we’re still strong together.
So stand by my side, watch a new year unfurl;
We’ll transform this whole world into shimmering pearl.