The French Kiss
Why must Fido slobber on you -
- don’t you know where his tongue has been?
The chances are it’s flecked with poo
dissolved into a canine goo
rife with bacteria: obscene!
His muck just loves to find a home
in your moist nooks and cavities;
giving your mutt’s proclivities
a free invitation to roam
therefore makes us dog lavatories
too - for once that tongue’s French-kissed yours
you’ll most likely swab off your lips
with mitts that then paw ours, which draws
(in terms of germ apocalypse)
the shortest of good hygiene’s straws.
It’s make-your-mind-up-time: your glands
are in all respects as crap-caked
as your sentiment - which demands
dogged censure, being half-baked
and shit-lapped, like those cur-licked hands.