I did it babe – I’m the new recruit!

The posh bird in the pin-striped suit

Shook my hand and told me straight

That I was the perfect candidate.

She swallowed all the usual lies

And failed to see through my disguise.

I love the confidence I can win

With a false CV and a cheeky grin.

 

I did it babe – I got the sale!

I went and spun this guy a tale

Of why our products are the best

And said he really should invest.

I dazzled him with market facts

And told him he could claim back tax.

I wonder what he’s going to do

When he finds out none of it’s true.

 

I did it babe – I’ll get the praise!

My boss has asked me to liaise

With her at lunch, she must be keen

To promote me within the team.

I guess it comes as no surprise;

I’m better than the other guys.

More confident and target-driven

At home with lying for a living.

 

I did it babe – I got the sack!

She launched a venomous attack

Upon my personality

And said I lacked integrity.

“A successful salesman must

Be able to engender trust.”

And so I punched her in the gob -

Who’s she to say I can’t do my job?