How do I love thee? Let me count t’ways.

I love thee to t’depth and breadth and 'eight

My hands can reach inside your top when going out for t’night

I love thee in shop doorways, in t’shadows out o’t' light

On t’way to t’pub pretend angry and spoiling for a fight

I love thee to t'level of my alcohol beverage

In t’backyard of the pub using t’wheelie bin for leverage

I love thee when you whisper what you’re not wearing

And then uncross your legs just out of daring

I love thee dirty flirting with the chaps

and showing off your cleavage, and perhaps

I love thee best when all dressed up and posing

But, God knows - I shall love thee even better after closing.

Julian Jordon

A ‘Soddit’

With apologies to EBB and anyone else who is offended.