Birds like that



Got chatting to this lass
Swear down
She was as fit as fuck
You would have took
Her for a model
She was class

So I shot to the bar
Got another round in
Got her a double
My heart was pounding
I had sweat on my sleeve
And -

For fucks sake
Slow down and breathe
Or you'll balls it up
And she'll leave
And you'll be stood alone
Texting bollocks
On your phone
To your mate
Bullshitting that you've scored
When in fact
You've poured
It all down the pisser

So just play it cool

And don't put her hand
On your nob
Or try to kiss her


So I listened for an hour
And she bored me shitless
This epitome
Of total fitness
Who swallowed Bacardi
Like it was water
Was 24 and had
A daughter

Blah blah blah
Blah blah blah

Fuck this I thought
She's weird
It's time I supped-up
And disappeared
She's got a bloke inside
And her heads not right
It's curry 'n' chips
Times one tonight
So later on
I text my mate
Said the shag I'd had
Was great

All dressed up
Like a French maid
And she guzzled it
Like cherryade

He text me back

'You spawny twat,

Why can't I meet birds
Like that?'

◄ Dinosaurs and poetry wars

Square one ►


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kealan coady

Mon 31st Jan 2011 21:03

It wasnt meant to be taken literally its just words and im sorry

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winston plowes

Sun 30th Jan 2011 21:49

Good this. An urban tale of our times. Can I ask something however that prop no one else will think interesting. This term - "Swear Down" I have heard it in Bolton but nowhere else! What are your feelings on where it comes from? Swear on... I swear... but "Swear down" Sorry I just find slang interesting. Win

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Sun 30th Jan 2011 15:43

A rollicking good read that kept a strong pace throughout. I did enjoy it. Cate's point is well-made, although old-fashioned is irrelevant.

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mike watts

Sun 30th Jan 2011 14:52

I agree, totally. But, sadly, i have no control over them.

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Cate Greenlees

Sun 30th Jan 2011 12:02

Very amusing....she certainly saw you coming! And extremely well written!
Sorry to sound old fashioned but I dont like the first comment on your page. Not amusing, not witty, not nice.
Luckily I am not one of the thousands of women in Britain raped every year, but if I was I could imagine a comment like that to be hurtful in the extreme.
Cate xx

stella jones

Sat 29th Jan 2011 21:34

So just play it cool

And don't put her hand
On your nob
Or try to kiss her

oh my, still laughing..good stuff.

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kealan coady

Sat 29th Jan 2011 19:45

look this is seriously good shit man. i loved reading it and i cant wait to hear more

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Ann Foxglove

Sat 29th Jan 2011 19:38

Jolly good - but sad! :-(

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Sat 29th Jan 2011 19:30

Very well done Mike - I enjoyed reading this it came together well brought a smile too

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mike watts

Sat 29th Jan 2011 18:11

What a great comment - you're a legend!

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kealan coady

Sat 29th Jan 2011 16:34

This comment has been removed by a site administrator as it has either broken the law or the rules of Write Out Loud.

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