Then the Rain Came Down

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The second attempt at crossing failed

when we hit by

bullets,shell and gas,

I became I passenger

when my legs were taken.

I lay in the blood and the mud,and

cried and cursed with the rest,

but then the rain came down

and washed away my tears

◄ Stillborn

Painted Faces ►


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bernard shelton

Fri 14th Jan 2011 17:00

thanks folks

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Marianne Louise Daniels

Thu 13th Jan 2011 23:06

I think the last two lines work well following "with the rest" for I took the rain to not be just weather making his tears invisible, easy to cry etc... but everyone's breakdown and the mass of lives lost so incomprehensibly, enough is enough, so to speak. good work.

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John Aikman

Thu 13th Jan 2011 21:37

It is definitely, potentially powerful stuff...but totally let down by the final lines...

Brutal frankness is fine...just don't dilute it with terrible cliche.

Rain comes down...
Tears are washed away...


Make it new!


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