Regret

And it's past now, that jarring instant

though I'm butterflied to a board

immobilized by the pin;

no mighty batting of eagles' wings

could fly it free

 

And the wound is chambered deeper;

grubs moving toward the heartwood;

another apple of sin

to reap destruction upon this chest

lost now the key

 

And it's folly to cling to winter

the wan sun will burn regardless

turn to dust my pallid flesh

though I wait out pain and linger

a half life live

 

And the sorrow grows ever stronger;

though I bought several healing clocks

its pointless to bandage ash

for the once bright and passionate fire

now no heat gives.

◄ Edinburgh

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Comments

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alan barlow

Thu 6th Jan 2011 18:13

told you i would read some ;-)
i like this alot and much for the same reasons as yours on "stripes" there are a couple of "stand out" lines for me in this piece infact the second stanza as a whole links well and the apple of sin part first caught my attention. like an i also love the line "its pointless to bandage ash" so very true and i think we could all do to pay it some mind more often than not. thankyou for sharing (not in the style of jerry springer i hasten to add)

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Ann Foxglove

Thu 6th Jan 2011 11:07

Love it!"its pointless to bandage ash" my fave line. Very emotive and powerful poem.

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Petrova Fairhurst

Thu 6th Jan 2011 10:58

Hi Cynthia, one less less in pointlessless, it was a typo in any case!
Thank you so much for your feedback, I'm new to this or any other site & haven't shared my poetry with many people other than close friends and family so constructive criticism is welcome. I wondered about the immobilised line & thought it might be extraneous but wanted to ensure the butterflied bit was understood.
And hey, I don't mind being in the same company as Mr Shaw - lol!

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Thu 6th Jan 2011 10:38

This is really good, Petrova, with inventive imagery and effective allusions. Your format is skillful and the scansion very sophisticated. The last line is superb: ////, like smashing a lid closed on a heavy box. WHAM. The mood of despair is built up with great word choices and unexpected sentence structure. I believe Ray was pointing out the oddness of 'pointlessless' which doesn't 'catch' even as a made-up word. IMO, the 'butterflied to a board' image was complete in itself thus leaving a whole line available for another aspect of your idea. The whole apostrophe business of possession and contraction infuriated George B. Shaw too.

I look forward to reading more.

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Petrova Fairhurst

Thu 6th Jan 2011 09:28

Thanks Andy - nice when something written creates a physical response, lets me know I'm on the right track ;) x

And thanks also Ray, I've corrected the punctuation, I'm never sure with it's!I've left live as there's only one life mentioned. A healing clock is a reference to the fact that time heals all wounds - apparently :) x

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Ray Miller

Thu 6th Jan 2011 08:46

Some lovely bits in here - butterflied to a board is great. the wound is chambered deeper also.
You want it's past, it's folly.
a half life lived or lives.
pointlessness.
What's a healing clock?

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Andy N

Thu 6th Jan 2011 08:18

Hi Petrova - powerful opening on your piece which made me shiver - nice one xx

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