The Times

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I hadn’t been to church in a while

hadn’t realised just how PC

the whole palaver had become

until I went up to take communion

from the lesbian lady vicar

 - all tattoos & piercings -

& handing out the nibbles & drinks

she mumbles


  The gluten-free body of Christ:

  The pesticide-free blood of Christ:


  The gluten-free body of Christ:

  The pesticide-free blood of Christ:


Christ, I thought,

it’s only a matter of time

before the refreshments

come in little cartons & sachets

like Travelodge milk & sugar

& you’ll have to help yourself

 - and break your fingernails

in the process, no doubt.

◄ things that get right on my tits #1 - Fusion Food

Casablanca ►


<Deleted User> (7212)

Sat 18th Dec 2010 12:56

I didnae think such bravery still existed - you're a colossus striding amongst us whimpering mortals

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Patricia and Stefan Wilde

Sat 18th Dec 2010 12:08

'Bels gettin a ladyshave offa me at yuley-on one condition-I get to operate it-on all regions-nether and all! woo-oo! ps-fergot ter mention-the shavee is 'er afore mentioned....!

<Deleted User> (7212)

Fri 17th Dec 2010 23:54

Oi! Stef! - less of the "big beardy" if you don't mind - me & Isobel's very proud of our stubble - ain't we Bel?

<Deleted User> (7212)

Fri 17th Dec 2010 23:51

Hmph! - and I've been avoiding anglicans all these years cos I thought they were stuffed full o' gluten - just goes to show eh ? BTW - "dipping your bread in the wine" - that's not a euphamism is it ? eh? eh? (you saucy mare) [always the quiet ones isn't it ?]

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Fri 17th Dec 2010 22:20

Yep - I think you have the option of dipping the bread in the wine now - unlike the good old days where they just wiped the cup and you imbibed everyone else's germs. Not that I've taken communion in years though - my kids are catholic and they'll only give anglicans a blessing - not much gluten in one of those.

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Patricia and Stefan Wilde

Fri 17th Dec 2010 21:37

on tuther hand 'big beardy' might look at our sorry progress and mumble to him'sen-'and they thought I made hell'-!

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Fri 17th Dec 2010 18:09

Very droll - just my kind of poem -certainly made me laugh but the sentiments are actually true regarding gluten etc - well done

<Deleted User> (7212)

Fri 17th Dec 2010 17:04

I reckon that JC would say "why didn't y'awl take a blind bit of notice of what I just said ??"
same with Buddha (Sid) - told everyone - "look, when I'm dead, don't go covering the shop in bloody statues of me, just listen!!"... so - what do they do??

<Deleted User> (8672)

Fri 17th Dec 2010 16:32

Yes, tis a strange world out there. What, I may ask, would JC Himself make of it all? I like this.

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