Pigeons are NOT God's creatures

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Like something from a horror film
they torment me.
Beady eyes and nasty beaks
if they could speak I'm sure they'd swear at passers-by
but since they can't, their attitude reflects it all  - it's sickeningly rude how they land anywhere,
crap anywhere, don't care, fly off, only to be squashed
which in a way is even worse, the curse of the flying rats remains,
can't scare them off or poison them when they're pureed on a car tyre
it's like a plague which can only increase
I hear their nasty withered feet on my windowsill
I can't escape

Swarms of the buggers invade public parks
harrassing the young and old alike for chips and sandwiches,
just one crumb should be enough, but no!
Under those repulsive greasy feathers lies a humungous bulk,
a bottomless pit which turns to noise and mess and shit
they spread disease and breed,
feed on the generosity and gullible nature of those without homes,
the retired, the lonely, the too-bloody-soft and just plain lazy
it amazes me how many people humour these abominations
when it's clearly illegal (in most towns anyway).

Years ago, after one invasion, there was a mass culling operation,
a lady set out at the break of day on a heroic mission to send them away,
she bought their trust with crumbs of bread,then slowly, slyly broke their necks.
Thousands of pigeons fell down dead, no beating of wings above my head
no sinister calls, no crap on the walls
or rooves or gates, the vermin gone.
Life goes on, but not for long,
after no time at all it seems they're back, can't sit in the garden
to smoke a fag, improvements have been seen since I acquired a cat,
but he'll bring home a carcass just for a laugh.

How do I eliminate these birds that have become my nemesis?
As far back as the book of Genesis,
there was no mention of such things as these evil, hateful rats with wings
who ruin cities, towns and buildings
like Aaron's sons, God should have killed 'em
for their sinful existence and abhorrent features - 
pigeons are definitely NOT God's creatures.

hatredpigeonssocial commentary

◄ B.I.T.C.H.

Stoner Laments ►

Comments

<Deleted User> (7266)

Thu 9th Dec 2010 20:02

I prefer spiders to pigeons without a doubt. When spiders drop dead in my garden they don't become maggot-infested, or steal my food while they're alive :) S x

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Lynn Dye

Mon 29th Nov 2010 14:22

Good poem, SJ, but I can't agree with sentiment either, even spiders are God's creatures and I can't stand them!!

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Thu 25th Nov 2010 16:42

Many people agree with your 'pigeon' sentiments, many don't, or slide the same feelings across to magpies. But, without a doubt, feral pigeons have become a real urban nuisance, like magpies, pushing out our smaller less brutish birds. It's a good social commentary, hyperbole put to effective use.

<Deleted User> (7266)

Tue 23rd Nov 2010 20:01

It's ok, my mum feels the same way! My experiences with pigeons are not happy ones, far from! The mass culling was a true occurrence in my town a few years ago too but the culprit hasn't been seen since - maybe they came back to haunt her?

I never take offence at views to the contrary (I'm a Merseysider - sod lifting the fence, I'm more likely to lift the whole house!) Ha! S x

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Patricia and Stefan Wilde

Tue 23rd Nov 2010 19:03

Sorry S.J-with respect-remember messenger pigeons in wartime-probably saving many lives-if I,m not mistaken,I think some were even decorated.Then there are the racing pigeons that has a massive following-its not the pigeons fault if people(litter louts) leave bits of food about,thats the attraction,in shopping centres etc and its those same people who depise the birds-of many kinds gathering-as for me,my garage roof is a welcome place for -all-birds regardless-and my three handfuls of birdnuts shall go on every single day without fail-soppy old git that I am! no disrespect to you at all-everyone to their own opinion for sure-got to fly!(joke)ta S.J-Stef.

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Ann Foxglove

Tue 23rd Nov 2010 18:02

I'm sorry but I disagree with you totally. I know this is not a crit on your poem, although I see it as more a rant than a poem. I am just sticking up for a live creature. Many people where I live feel the same way about seagulls. I would defend seagulls too. Sorry but that's just how I feel.

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