Like something from a horror film
they torment me.
Beady eyes and nasty beaks
if they could speak I'm sure they'd swear at passers-by
but since they can't, their attitude reflects it all - it's sickeningly rude how they land anywhere,
crap anywhere, don't care, fly off, only to be squashed
which in a way is even worse, the curse of the flying rats remains,
can't scare them off or poison them when they're pureed on a car tyre
it's like a plague which can only increase
I hear their nasty withered feet on my windowsill
I can't escape
Swarms of the buggers invade public parks
harrassing the young and old alike for chips and sandwiches,
just one crumb should be enough, but no!
Under those repulsive greasy feathers lies a humungous bulk,
a bottomless pit which turns to noise and mess and shit
they spread disease and breed,
feed on the generosity and gullible nature of those without homes,
the retired, the lonely, the too-bloody-soft and just plain lazy
it amazes me how many people humour these abominations
when it's clearly illegal (in most towns anyway).
Years ago, after one invasion, there was a mass culling operation,
a lady set out at the break of day on a heroic mission to send them away,
she bought their trust with crumbs of bread,then slowly, slyly broke their necks.
Thousands of pigeons fell down dead, no beating of wings above my head
no sinister calls, no crap on the walls
or rooves or gates, the vermin gone.
Life goes on, but not for long,
after no time at all it seems they're back, can't sit in the garden
to smoke a fag, improvements have been seen since I acquired a cat,
but he'll bring home a carcass just for a laugh.
How do I eliminate these birds that have become my nemesis?
As far back as the book of Genesis,
there was no mention of such things as these evil, hateful rats with wings
who ruin cities, towns and buildings
like Aaron's sons, God should have killed 'em
for their sinful existence and abhorrent features -
pigeons are definitely NOT God's creatures.