We've spent 300 millions on

Improvements to the team

But managed to go backwards

This season, it would seem;

We've failed to score in four games now

And likely never will,

Condemned to hear on Final Score

“Tottenham Hotspur 0”

 

It's no surprise at five to five

It's goalless yet again;

When once we'd Greaves and Klinsmann,

Lineker and Kane

We've now a bunch of cloglumps

So wait in pain until

The scoreline will no longer read

“Tottenham Hotspur 0”

 

I saw last night on Channel 4

That programme called “Time Team”

Uncovering relics from the past

Historically themed,

When I could not believe my eyes

(I messed with the controls)

It showed a find of Roman coins

Then Harry Kane's best goals.

 

For now we cannot win a game

Nor even can we score;

In 60 years of watching them

They've never been so poor;

We/'re needing a Messiah

To stir this turgid swill

And end the repetition of

“Tottenham Hotspur 0”