Here I am again. 30yrs from my last admission of this and 50yrs from when it all began. 
All I hear is defence, combat, interrogation, accusation. 
Is it hate or is it a wound/protection? 
WHAT HAS HE DONE? WHAT HAVE THEY ALL DONE? 
And he still tries to succumb & appease -  every god damn day! 
Speak to win? Speak for power? Speak for reassurance? What does your anger do for you? 
And people wonder why I'm childless & single. 
Well I don't wonder, I know! 
The confusion of a mother's unconditional love, but her behaviour in her relationships is not a safe, loving, trusting example I have been brought up with. 
How do i differentiate what's normal/healthy? 
How do I not punish the people in my life to protect myself & create the same pattern (maybe she's right?), instead of freedom, peace & happiness????? Things I think she has never had 😞