You save me from myself again and again

                   there is no point in plotting, planning, tricking, trying so hard not to love you; when I just love 

                                     i just do

I know i know i deeply know you are in the arms of another, staying, warm and could NOT be happier, I know i know        and yet you feed my soul, your goodness feeds my very essence no matter how many vile words I fling at you in hurt, anger, rejection, no one knows deeply good as you, living intentions of love, creation, artistry, all for love, love for all, how you forgive is beyond me

                                           all of my bitter common furious demanding is just me denying my want, me mad my want outdoes me every time, every minute, every eternal moonlit eerie empty sky

         i was cut off from myself, unknown, until you draped yourself on that throne, then i became your queen and i was murdered, blood everywhere, dripping down into the first row, where they watched you die, not knowing you were born anew

 

but i did

i still do

the mystery and the wisdom of you have altered the plates under the earth and i walk among newly formed mountain hills, i walk alone but voices call, ignored because music sounds in the sensual peaks as my path leads upwards

                      anyway,

                  my rage fades

she has the heart i wanted but still I treasure the hidden shifts 

                   in the hills where i am seen, so immersive to be seen anew, i play my flute as i walk, now i play the flute, it echoes and i hear the call of my own music, which was a gift, i know from whence it came and gratitude is as wide as the giant bluejay who flies onto my balcony every morning to feed. We share our gratitude, and i play as he eats his fill; and he is giant

i know a gift when it comes, like Roland.

i call thankee sai