Lord, I'm only human

My needs they are few

Just food and your shelter

Will see my life through;

But to these essentials
I'll add something new

Enough toilet paper

When I need the loo.

 

One sheet at a time, Sweet Jesus!

What parsimony is this?

I could nearly cry

In cases when I

Need more than a piss;

Why can't I get more, Sweet Jesus?

You'd think that it was a crime

I need two or three

To wipe properly

Not one at a time.

 

You try to be careful

And gentle and neat

You want to avoid

A tear in the sheet;

But one thing is certain

When you excrete

You'll curse to Sweet Jesus

When you pull one sheet.

 

One sheet at a time, Sweet Jesus!

Dispensed through one tiny hole

So let it be said

“Just put there instead

A real toilet roll”;

A real toilet roll, Sweet Jesus!

Avoiding your slop and your slime

From fingers pushed through

Up your pooper flue

One sheet at a time.