He wouldn’t carry off his act these days,

Now that the plods have sewn the whole gig up;

It’s hard to see him slipping on hi-vis

Or jostling for a spot behind the tape,

And Watson, knackered from a double shift,

Would never make the early morning train

To help him nab the unsuspecting crooks

By eliminating the impossible.

 

No, nowadays I’d see him as a pundit:

A smart, avuncular consultant type,

Called upon and pumped by TV anchors

To explain school shootings and terror hits;

Or perhaps a panel show contestant:

Severe, unfazed by his intelligence,

But spiced up with a bit of mockney chat.

‘Elimentry, mate’ his well-worn catch-phrase.