(My debt is twofold; the one to John Prine's "Crazy as a Loon" and the other to Ricky Gervaise for his sketch about death)

 

You might think that I'm a loser I can't help what you see

That I'm bumping on the bottom Useless as can be;

Never destined to make much And you wouldn't be wrong
I'm just bumping on the bottom That's where I belong.

 

But through reincarnation As the good Buddha says

In my previous lifetimes I've seen better days;

I've been Winston Churchill And I know that you'll scoff

Cos I painted those flowers When I was van Gogh

 

And in the 1590's I would spend my days

Writing 'O' Level sonnets And 'A' Level plays;

And in the French Revolution For Heaven's sakes

They guillotined my head off They didn't like my cakes.

 

I was Bob and Jack Kennedy And Harvey Oswald too

Don't ask me how I did it But I swear that it's true;

And when I was Marlene Dietrich I would have to confide

I really had some fun with My feminine side.

 

And at those conventions For similar minds

For reincarnation I'd be surprised to find

There's three Elvis Presleys Which made me smirk

Cain and Abel and two Gandhis So how does that work\?

 

But now I'm bumping on the bottom When greater was my worth

For hitherto I have been The greatest on all earth;

I've been the good and the gifted The best there'll ever be

But now I'm bumping on the bottom That's where you'll find me.

Yes I'm bumping on the bottom That's where you'll find me.