Art lovers rejoiced when a renowned artist arrived in the London borough of West Pealing,
hotfoot from a riotous Capetown.

But she was quite oblivious to this welcome, after meeting a young man called Jamie Kins in Hyde Park, who’d invited her for a boat ride on Serpentine lake.

She couldn’t stop laughing as he rowed into a duck, receiving a mouthful of beak – nearly uttering,
but managing not to – a word which almost rhymes with one above.

But a fog descended, the like of which hadn’t been seen since Queen Victoria was on the throne.

The young man sobbed and, after a fruitless search to find his little Arty Miss, headed north to the staid mill town of Accrington.

Years later the arty South African entered the West Pealing Art Gallery, where she was the artist in residence.

Not far away Jamie Kins – the intrepid rower of yesteryear – sat on a garden wall, after being ejected from a café for swearing.

He’d come at express speed to West Pealing, on the advice of retired weather forecaster  Meteorological Millicent, who had seen – through her tea leaves – a like-minded soul, ready to reunite with Jamie Kins, the loveable innocent.

Just then a terrible fog descended, but on spying this handsome fellow in the gardens of Walpole, Arty Miss cried, ‘I’m looking for a chap just like you!’

But the bemused chap felt it necessary to confess, ‘I have a tendency to swear, and am autistic.

‘What’s more you look rather familiar, but it’s hard to see your face in this mist.’

She reassured him, ‘Don’t worry, I ‘cuss’ like a trooper and am artistic.’

Having read about a maiden being courted by a knight, who presented flowers to her draped around a lance, he jumped over a fence.

Emerging in a Kew garden, the romantic soul gave his new pal a bunch of roses.

She liked impulsive men, so performed an African dance, warning, ‘I won’t be your beau, until you do at least two artistic poses, as my very special model.’

He duly posed, watched by a little dog.

Then an old woman called Meteorological Millicent, enquired, ‘I say, have you seen a poodle?

‘It’s hard to see in this pea souper – I did warn them way back when, that we’d all get lost when the globe starts to warm.’

Suddenly the mist cleared, to their surprise, revealing Serpentine Lake.

‘Let’s jump on a boat and row!’ shouted Jamie Kins.

Then a duck flapped his wings, recognising the rower from years before, as did the little Arty Miss.

‘Oh!’ Cried the big lad, I remember that bloody duck!’
Crying as said fowl bit him on the bottom.

‘And I remember you!’ said the artist, giving him a sloppy kiss.

Meteorological Millicent cuddled her little dog, presenting him with an extra-large bone,
so pleased was she to see romance emerge from a London fog.

The like of which hadn’t been seen since Queen Victoria was on the throne.