Woke up this morning so I know I'm not dead

Got some confirmation when I got out of bed;

Brewed a pot of decaf, put some eggs in a pan

A treat from the weekday slop of yoghurt and bran;

Saturday's the day when I go through my drills

Of filling up my dosette box with my weekly pills.

 

This takes a little time these days, I have to say

I've reinterpreted advice on my “5-a-day”

Some are for my blood pressure when it's off the chart

Some are for my prostate and some for my heart

There's yellow ones and white ones and big buggers too

But which is which and what they're for, I haven't a clue.

 

Thought I'd take a walk, it was a bright, sunny day

I'll take these opportunities while they come my way

At one time I'd hike for mile after mile

These days I find a stroll a bit more of a trial

I need a little help to get my muscles to start

So my pacemaker gives a little belt to my heart.

 

I'd only gone a few yards to the end of my street

As coughing and spluttering I chanced to meet

My next door neighbour who was pushing her pram

Who always took the trouble to ask how I am.

She asked “How are you doing?” as I struggled uphill

I said “You'd better ask my pacemaker and pills”.

 

I'm just an empty shell, so how do I thrive?

It's surgery and medication keeps me alive

When the pacemaker fails cos the battery's gone flat

It's Pobs for Yours Truly cos that'll be that.

When God at last says “It's time to pay off your bills”

It's then he'll sign me off my pacemaker and pills.

 

Pills, pacemaker and pills,

Pills, pacemaker and pills,

Pills, pacemaker and pills,

Pills, pacemaker and pills,

I'm living still

On pacemaker and pills.