“You know Manny?” he said

“The tall bloke”, she replied,” whose hair is a fiery red”

“No, the shorter one with dark hair and eyes that are darker”

“That makes me none the wiser”

“The one who has that good-looking sister?”

“Sister, which sister?”

“His sister, I think she's called Astyoche”

“The trashy, brashy one, who thinks she's grandiose?”

“No, not that sister, the other one”

“What other one? I didn’t know there was another one”

“The one who had a little boy, who didn't even know she was pregnant”

“That was Helena, Helena Regnant”

“Helena, yes, that sister, by all accounts, she’s a bit of a whirl”

“She didn't have a boy, she had a little girl”

“Did she? I knew that it was one or the other”

“And she doesn’t have a brother.”

“I thought her brother was Manny”

No, if you only knew, that would be funny

Funny, why? She always struck me as a bit scrubby.

No, not scrubby, Manny is her hubby

Now that makes sense

What makes sense?

Why, Manny got so intense

Am I being stupid or a little dense?

What do you mean?

I have no idea of the story or the scene

Then let me explain you’ll soon understand

I hope so, because I’ve not understood a single strand.

Well, Helena had a child, as you know

Yes, though no one saw Helena show

Exactly, but she gave birth just the same

I know. She gave the child a godlike name.

What name?

Hermione

Hermione?

Yes, like the girl in the Harry Potter film, Hermione.

Good grief, what a name! Poor little pea.

But no one is sure if Manny is the dad

Really, what about Helen? Does she know?

I’m pretty sure she knows

Wow

Carry on, what is the story?

It’s more about revenge; it gets quite gory.

Continue, please,

Well, Manny’s friend arrives like a sudden breeze

Yes

Takes Helena to bed with little stress

OH!

Some of this you may already know

Maybe

Helena, now in love, wants Priamson's baby

She always appeared to be highly sexed

Do you want to know what happened next?

Sorry, yes, of course

Well, Priamson carried Helena off by force

Do you believe that?

No: if Helena didn’t want it, she could be a wildcat

Go on

He took her to his dad’s house to meet his mom

Didn’t they expect her?

No, even more surprised was his older brother, Hector

What about Manny, now all alone at home?

Well, he was fearfully mad, spitting foam

And?

Got his brother Agemem, and his warring band

I suppose that's the least

Got on their Harleys and travelled east.

Sounds like it was a well-thought-out strike

They say Helena's beauty launched a thousand bikes.

 

What happened next?

The whole nasty bunch was solely vexed

Vexed?

Yes, vexed, unsure how to proceed, perplexed

So?

The guys went back and forth, to and fro

Any punches thrown?

A few; every plan, however, was soon made, soon blown.

Who were the best fighters there?

Well, Archy would have been, as his skills were beyond compare

Would have been?

Yes, he up and left, nowhere to be seen

Left? Why?

No planning, decisions made on the fly

Was he gone long?

Most of them thought Archy was not coming back, done 

What changed?

It changed because of Patro

Patro?

Archy’s best mate Patro

I know Patro

He donned Archy’s jacket and helmet

Patro’s no fighter. He’s no Archy alternate.

He’s not, and Hector wins hands down

Patro was a bit of a clown

A dead clown now

Holy Cow!

Yep

Hector has a good rep’

Not as good as Archy

Thought you said Archy was finished with this malarky.

He was, but Manny and Agemem had a chat

What, all about Patro and that?

Yes, the volatile Archy returns to the front line

Just in time?

Just in time to avenge Patro’s death

I bet Hector was holding his breath

You are right

Archy is good in a fight

He is light on his toes, on his heels, even lighter

Was Hector an equal-level fighter?

Nope

So what happens? What's the scope?

What happens is weapons

Weapons? Seriously?

Yes, seriously, it cost Hector dearly

Why?

Archy and Hector fight, and Hector dies 

Dies, really?

Yep, he’s in the morgue; cut up severely.

That’s not good

No, when knives are used, there is no way it would.

Is that the end?

No, with the Priam family looking on, Archy further offends

What’s worse than killing a son?

Archy ties Hector to his panier bars, hooks him on

No! That's abominable

Yes, totally unacceptable 

Then?

Archy drags him behind his bike, till the gods know when.

Oh, dear Zeus! What happens then?

They sit down to lunch. Angry men are hungry men

Is there more to say?

There is, but that’s for another day.