I count my worth in loaves of bread

And parts of me I discernibly shed

Morsels, crumbs, granules on my plate 

Unveil a mirror with a crestfallen face 

 

I gorge on sugar that lasts only a few nights 

I wait for it to decay my insides 

Like love, a gaboon viper nestling in my womb,

Ravaging every thought, being and soul, core to root

 

I revel in the sliver of potential left unscathed,

I romanticize misery porn, an ode to girlhood shortchanged 

I paid her in currencies of cowardice and stagnation

To shield her from the world's dwindling patience

 

Yet she left me, seething and loathing 

I still recall the frown etched deep into her skin 

I want to resurrect her now as I repent 

Retreating to a state of arrested development 

 

I screen a hundred fantasies to make her giggle 

I torch down every fence I'd erected to see her eyes glimmer 

I examine my body in the mirror sans repulsion

So she doesn't relive to see her obliteration 

 

I suppose we see love for what love is - 

All consuming, all healing,

Selfish, selfless, self-serving 

A jack of all trades in all its meanings

 

We heal the ones we love

So they may consume what's left of us 

It's masochist, a bullet in the foot, a kiss on the temples, 

Everything, all at once, for everyone, especially ourselves