The Elephant in the Room or Miss Tavistock’s Creative Biology Class

“A lie told once remains a lie but told a thousand times becomes the truth”.

(Joseph  Goebbels)    


Pay attention now, stop playing with your toys,

Please behave like good little elephants again,

Would you believe it children?-Jimmy thinks he’s a boy,

And he wants to go riding on buses and trains!


What are you Jimmy?-I’m an Elephantiphobe, Miss!

And to the whole class I must grudgingly grant,

And confess, that though I’m no zoologist,

I can tell a dog or a boy from an elephant.


“A lie told once remains a lie

but told a thousand times becomes the truth”,

Biology’s a white male colonial myth,

All that stuff about genes-they’re taking the pith,

So repeat after me Jimmy-no, don’t discuss:

“A male is a female who claims to be

a male who claims to be a female

who claims to be a male who claims…”.


Please, Miss Tavistock, I need the loo,

Oh very well Jimmy, go if needs must,

So off he went, that elephant in the room,

(Who’d had a brief spell as the man in the moon).


And here’s that other elephant in the room,

It’s Nellie, who thinks that she is a girl,

She’s also convinced that the moon’s a balloon,

And that the stars up above are genuine pearls!


What are you Nellie? I’m an Elephantiphobe, Miss!

Indeed you are, and you have the sheer effrontery,

To claim that though you’re no biologist,

You know what a girl is; what tomfoolery!


“A lie told once remains a lie

but told a thousand times becomes the truth,”

Biology’s all bollocks, a white male myth,

All that stuff about genes-they’re taking the pith.

Repeat after me, Nellie-no, don’t discuss:

“A female’s a male who claims to be

a female who claims to be a male

who claims to be a female who claims…”


Miss Tavistock, please may I  be excused?

Oh very well Nellie, do go if you must.

But Jimmy the elephant was still running loose;

Nellie screamed:“there’s an elephant in the girl’s loo!”


Don’t be silly young Nellie, you’re imagining things,

How do you know he’s an elephant, can he trumpet a tune?

Well, I asked him Miss, he said he trusted his feelings,

And he said he’d once been the Man in the Moon,


He said for breakfast, he’d eaten magic unicorn droppings,

And that though he wasn’t a zoologist,

He could recognise an elephant by its toenail clippings;

Then suddenly, I believed he was an elephant Miss!


Well done Nellie, you’re not elephantiphobic!

Your reasoning’s clear, you’re an example to the others,

Let’s run through it once more, get all those boxes ticked,

(Oh, by the way children, please don’t tell you mothers),


That:“a female’s a male who claims to be a female,

And a male is a female who claims to be a male,

Biology’s bollocks, they’ve proved it’s bunk,

There’s no difference at all ‘tween men’s and women’s junk”.

Now, when your’re wielding that scalpel after long years of study,

Should you fear your career might be finally sunk,

Should you lose your cool, as the science suddenly muddies,

As your blood runs cold, and your face turns pale,


Remember The Truth, it’s:“A male is a female

who claims to be a male who claims to be a female...”,

Then you won’t fall to bits-or chop the wrong bits off.

Remember:“It’s all in the mind”-it never fails!




Joseph GoebbelsbiologyTavistock


United Futilities ►


Profile image

Kevin Tan

Thu 25th May 2023 15:21

This is really about the yin-yang symbol. Male in female in male in female in an eternal dance. Well, that's my association anyway. There's a new Ken & Barbie movie out as well. 💕

Profile image

Uilleam Ó Ceallaigh

Sun 21st May 2023 08:03

Thanks to all for the likes and comments.
Funny you should mention 1984 Stephen;“The Orwellian Elephant in the Room” had occurred to me as a title. From the most optimistic viewpoint, it’s a piece of nonsense verse in every sense of the word, about a world more akin to the Mad Hatter’s Tea Party.

From the most pessimistic and “real world” viewpoint, my poem’s an attack on the preposterous nature of a perverted ideology; one whose proponents have no problem with the chemical castration and genital mutilation of boys, and double mastectomies for girls as young as thirteen. Of course, in today’s world that is-as ever-justified by the vast wealth thereby created on behalf of the pharmaceutical and medical industries.

Who, if anyone, will be facing prison for those crimes of emotional and physical abuse? Never mind that, Constable!’ve more important work to do; concentrate on hounding teachers and university lecturers out of their jobs and homes for the crime of “mis-gendering” eight-year olds!

Profile image

John Botterill

Thu 18th May 2023 22:33

A work of genius, Uilleam. Funny, engaging, alarming, all at the same time. Bravo! 😁

Profile image

Stephen Gospage

Thu 18th May 2023 08:20

A real sense of nineteen eighty-four about this, Uilleam. Mind you, other interpretations are available! (For the moment, at least).

Profile image

M.C. Newberry

Wed 17th May 2023 15:46

A timely and relevant contribution about the sinister way in
which children's ability to imagine/fantasize is being manipulated
to nefarious ends by an adult world that seems to have regressed mentally and morally of late.


Tue 16th May 2023 23:58

A LOT! of clever hard work for which I say from a womanish mans point of view for your having done so-IT ROCKS!


If you wish to post a comment you must login.

This site uses cookies. By continuing to browse, you are agreeing to our use of cookies.

Find out more Hide this message