The victim and the villain

I used to be the victim.

The result of an unfair life 

A chip on my shoulder that explained why I never went any further. 

I used to self validate my hardships 

Because no one else could possibly understand. 

A strangers disinterest pulled me further into my reclusiveness. 

I used to know that no one would ever know me. 

That with all these friends of mine no one had ever met me. 

Alone in a crowded room of those that love me but who I am they will never know. 

That I was given this bumpy life to spare all those that could not survive. 

I believed that that was my identity. 

That I was a victim of my circumstance and that deserved respect.

I was stronger than anyone you’ve met. 

I was the only one on planet earth that was dealt the cards I was dealt 

And if I told someone my story it was only so they’d remind me of how strong I am. 

And when someone listened I’d feel half as bad but even then I knew no one could ever relate to that. 

I was one in a million. I was special, I was given hardship because it was what i could handle. 

And all my life all I felt was that I was an innocent victim of my dad’s mistakes and of my moms late nights. 

I had to grow up fast and I’m a victim of that. 

I told myself that I tried so hard. 

That I fought so long.

That I did everything for everyone else and I was way too young.

I told myself I was a victim of my circumstance. 

Imagine that. 

A person who took pride in evolution 

yet she refused to evolve. 

Someone that thought you owed me something every time I fucked something up. 

Shocked that you’d abandon me when all I needed was a car. 25 and homeless with prospects running low. 

For years I told myself that you didn’t care. 

That the life I have was my only choice and when it was bad it’d always be your fault

I used to be the victim.

A product of all your fuck ups.

I blamed you for so long for what I have and haven’t done so far.

An excuse to not evolve.

The scapegoat I used when I was disappointed in myself.

I used to be the victim.

Now I know I’m not.

Instead of learning from your mistakes I recreated them all.