(music: "A model of the universe" - by Jóhann Jóhannsson)

What do you think you understand of pain

When you can understand it?

Not when your mind bounces in leaps towards the hells of hell

in nothingness

but understanding how you got there?

Seeing the path to nowhere

Freefalling

While desperately trying to cling to any reminder of just being human

But failing

And trying

And failing

In a wrestling match against one’s essence

Of just being alive in your mind

A freefall into the depths of an elation mad

Unhelped

Misunderstood

Mistaken

For there is no weakness in front of madness

with no force to stop it

if it’s the pond of your essence

 

Surrender

to claim

surrender

to fight

alone

in complete denial of the otherness of yourself

in complete acceptance of the solitude

of the experience of dissolution

or maybe departure from the centre of one’s gravity

a mind dissipated

yet so totally there

just lot in what’s to come

torn

amidst possibilities realised impossibilities

drowning in tears too crude

an act of pain brute

vouched for someone else

who cannot be there

for this is the path of the pathless

the world of the ungrounded

the vanished

belaughed

decried

belittled

those of an unsettling disreality

lost in the creation of spaces full

since theirs is empty

the enlightened dwarfs of joy inverted

the perfect puppets of constraint let go

buoyant among the happenings of happened

circumvented to loneliness true

that one which is unknown

but kills.