I haven't had a single drink since 1992,

The year I first took heroin and started sniffing glue.

 

I haven't had a holiday since 1993,

The year I went to Brighton and caught typhus in the sea.

 

I haven't had a good night's sleep since 1994,

The year a fat Oasis fan moved in the house next door.

 

I haven't seen my mum and dad since 1995,

I locked them in the garden shed, perhaps they're still alive.