A bad day....

A terrible thing happened this morning when I was on my way to work

This fella was on the high street, he was like a lunatic gone berserk

He smashed a bus stop window and threw a brick at TJ hughes

He was walking funny, and looked peculiar, he was barefoot with no shoes

I pulled over to try and help him, because I could tell he was in the dumps

I reached into my passenger foot well, and gifted him my spare pair of pumps

I said ‘Son what could the matter be, why are you acting in this way?”

He said “Mate, you don’t know the half of it - I’ve had a terrible day

I realised I had no toilet paper, when it was far too late to buy some

And ever since I woke this morning my foot has been so troublesome

I woke up in the dark you see, and my first step made me sick

I jumped up like a Jack in the box, and jumped right on to a lego brick

My electric razor’s battery died half-way through tidying up my beard”

It was then I noticed his face looked wonky, all lob sided, and one eared

He said he’d just rubbed off a scratch card - that said he owed them fifty grand!

He was pointing at it astonished, he still had it in his hand

His dog had left a Dear John note, said it was no longer his best friend

And he’d bashed his nose with the cling film, when he was looking for the end

‘No wonder he’s lost his marbles’ I thought, it was a very tragic story

Then he said he’d just found out the night before that his Nan had voted Tory

So I took him to the café, bought him a large coffee, and a sarnie

I know it’s horrible when your blood sugar’s low and you’re going a little barmy

He said “I think the world’s against me” I said “I think you’re probably right

When I left I passed him a toilet roll, now at least he’s safe to shite

◄ There's a life

Hopscotch ►


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