Holding on to this pain
Lying in my bed
Thinking of the last time I bled
Wasn’t that long ago
I think it’s time
I need to grow
Clinging to your word
So my soul
Can find away to glow
Lord only you know
When I’m feeling low
My emotions continually Flow
Like a water fall
On a dark night
Causing me to take flight
Release these feelings
I might
When my tears fall down
All I’m left to do
Is breakdown
Looking in the mirror
Just to see a frown
When life starts to get high
I still comedown
Just trying to keep
My two feet
On the ground
Sometimes the right words to say
Aren’t easily found
Days and nights
With bad dreaming
Wondering how I’m still breathing
I try to draw
A pretty picture in the sand
When it’s hard
He comes to grab my hand
Holding me gently
Immediately loving on me
I think back
To when I was young
Realizing
This life
I never won
Walked A long road
Down a long
Path
When I reached the end
I suddenly crashed
Who ever thought
One persons actions
Would cause me
A life full of distractions
I was little and innocent
But held in prison
In prison with my feelings
All cause of my life’s dealings
Life was so hard
The things I knew
I would
Never discard
Who knew
A smell
Would never go away
Stuck on me
And there to stay
Smell of lust
And perversion
Desperately needing
A new life’s
Diversion
This painful life
Caused me to use knives
To ease the pain
Help me not feel insane
But it was he
That was to blame
Why did I have to play
His twisted game
Didn’t he care
That I would bruise
I was left alone
With all his abuse
I was so young
And didn’t understand why
But he continued
As I laid there and cried
His Joy
Was to have me
On my backside
I remember when
He told me
to kneel down
On his bedside
He promised
It would be a fun ride
All I could do
Was turn my face
To the side
And pray
It would end soon
But it felt
As if it lasted
To the next afternoon
His way of making
Me feel better
Was giving me candy
And him celebrating
With a tall glass
Of Brandi
His breath
Always smelled so bad
I would mention it
And he would get so mad
I didn’t care
It’s not like my body
He would spare
I wonder
Did he ever feel remorse?
For forcing a child
To do intercourse
The thought of his being
Disgust me
I wish those visions
I didn’t have to see
Maybe one day
They’ll disappear
Or they won’t
That I fear
Sadly
With him
I’ll always have a soul tie
That thought
Makes me want to cry
I hate everything about him
It’s cause of him
I’ll never win
I have to carry around this shame
My life hung on a frigid frame
I will forever walk in pain
I want to say goodbye to tomorrow
So maybe I won’t have to face it
That would really help a bit
No more sorrow
No more pain
Is something I would love to gain
As I lay down at night
I close my eyes
And wish for a better life
That’s it
Nothing else
Goodbye