Holding on to this pain

 

Lying in my bed

Thinking of the last time I bled

Wasn’t that long ago

I think it’s time

I need to grow

Clinging to your word

So my soul 

Can find away to glow

Lord only you know

When I’m feeling low

My emotions continually Flow

Like a water fall

On a dark night

Causing me to take flight

Release these feelings 

I might

When my tears fall down

All I’m left to do

Is breakdown

Looking in the mirror

Just to see a frown

When life starts to get high

I still comedown

Just trying to keep 

My two feet 

On the ground

Sometimes the right words to say

Aren’t easily found

Days and nights

With bad dreaming

Wondering how I’m still breathing 

I try to draw

A pretty picture in the sand

When it’s hard

He comes to grab my hand

Holding me gently 

Immediately loving on me

I think back 

To when I was young

Realizing

This life

I never won

Walked A long road

Down a long 

Path

When I reached the end

I suddenly crashed

Who ever thought 

One persons actions

Would cause me 

A life full of distractions 

I was little and innocent 

But held in prison

In prison with my feelings 

All cause of my life’s dealings

Life was so hard

The things I knew 

I would

Never discard

Who knew

A smell 

Would never go away

Stuck on me

And there to stay

Smell of lust

And perversion 

Desperately needing

A new life’s 

Diversion

This painful life

Caused me to use knives

To ease the pain

Help me not feel insane

But it was he

That was to blame 

Why did I have to play

His twisted game 

Didn’t he care

That I would bruise

I was left alone

With all his abuse

I was so young

And didn’t understand why

But he continued 

As I laid there and cried

His Joy

Was to have me

On my backside

I remember when

He told me 

to kneel down

On his bedside

He promised 

It would be a fun ride

All I could do

Was turn my face

To the side

And pray

It would end soon

But it felt

As if it lasted

To the next afternoon 

His way of making

Me feel better

Was giving me candy

And him celebrating 

With a tall glass

Of Brandi

His breath 

Always smelled so bad

I would mention it

And he would get so mad 

I didn’t care

It’s not like my body

He would spare

I wonder

Did he ever feel remorse?

For forcing a child

To do intercourse 

The thought of his being

Disgust me

I wish those visions

I didn’t have to see

Maybe one day 

They’ll disappear 

Or they won’t

That I fear

Sadly 

With him

I’ll always have a soul tie 

That thought

Makes me want to cry

I hate everything about him 

It’s cause of him

I’ll never win

I have to carry around this shame 

My life hung on a frigid frame 

I will forever walk in pain

I want to say goodbye to tomorrow 

So maybe I won’t have to face it

That would really help a bit

No more sorrow

No more pain

Is something I would love to gain

As I lay down at night

I close my eyes

And wish for a better life

That’s it

Nothing else

Goodbye

◄ My Majesty

My little one ►

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