Stand, or Chase

How can I stand to choose?

Everyday of my life I faced a choice and made no decision.

How can I bare you? 

Every year of my life you asked me to fail. 

I drank it, I snorted it, I inhaled it. 

I did everything short of inject it.

Even though in my mind I walked for it..

I worked for it,

I screamed to it and demanded answers from it

How can I keep up with this?

Every night I counted popcorn on the ceiling and created my own constellations 

How do I move again?

When you’ve made it much too easy. When every move made me so want to take it back. 

I sang about it,

I wrote about it..

I embarrassed myself because of it. 

Everyday it angered me

It caged itself inside of me. 

It carved the inside of my body and told me what all my fears were and I feared them strictly.  

Every evening I watched the sunset and longed for it to last longer. 

Every Coca Cola can was a memento for me

On the floor, in the gutter, there she is-

 My nightmare..the floaters  in my eyes when I remember outdoor motel hallways and unlit driveways 

down steep hills and young unsupervised swims. 

Every morning I look away from it,

I shy of it.

By noon I’ve given up on running from it. 

In the evening I’m in tennis shoes and timing my miles. 

I’m confronting it to your face and you’ve forgotten more than half of it.

Knowing I’ll never get it out...

Like a fly trap full of flies I’ll overflow with things that cannot fly out.  

How can I stand to choose? 

I don’t have a lot to lose nor nothing to gain.  

In limbo I think I’ll have no choice at all to remain. 

 

◄ On Level One

A Cliche ►

Comments

Nicola Beckett

Tue 27th Oct 2020 07:37

Stand still. Regroup, you can fight any addiction, you are light, remember that, the addictions are just trying to put your light out. Retreat if you need to refocus and listen to your inner voice and truth xx sent with blessings

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Paul Sayer

Tue 27th Oct 2020 07:26

This deep and sorrowful
full of morn
The poet in you
escapes... Tis born.

It is so good to see you posting again.
Po.

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