You can right every wrong that you feel has been done to you. Strangers you trust and the one whom you loved you distrust. Then there's nothing that can help you carry on. Life will be a burden for you to carry all the skeletons in the cupboard. You sure need a hand that is sinless and clean to hold your heart gently pouring in it love wholeheartedly. None can judge my past or me, no friends no family for certain truths are twisted and turned else who would resist goodness coming in. If you believe all you heard thst caused you much dismay and shock. Nothing can ever ungo those harms. Your mind and heart has been tainted completely with filth and dirt. None have any power to clean all that mess. Only unconditional love could undo but there are many conditions you have placed. Now you take your stand and do what pleases your heart soul and brain.