Progressive paralysis

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The smite of real life

Crashing from the skies.

I became paralyzed,

Unable to progress.

 

I begged for the heaven sent,

One linguistic instrument.

 

The vibrant mind

Will not find time

To absorb line after line.

 

Exams are just observing me,

Seventeen and in nursery!

Unwelcome at university.

Judgement day arrives.

 

And then begins my nine to five....

 

I just wanted

to do something

with my life.

Futureuncertainty

◄ Eff.

Ambivalent ►

Comments

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winston plowes

Mon 17th May 2010 00:13

Liked, Keep posting :-) winston

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Joseph Kennedy

Mon 17th May 2010 00:08

You both make good points, I read my poetry over and over before posting it, and I think 'yeahhh they will like this' and it isnt until I read from another's perspective I see it's flaws. I bet wordsworth and byron had people sat by them telling them what was weak before they scribed it. :D
THANKS

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Sun 16th May 2010 16:17

I also like this,Joseph. You have some novel turns of phrase like 'exams are just observing me'; wishing for a 'heaven sent linquistic instrument' really good. And the idea of 'seventeen and still in nursery'. I truly enjoyed it. Take Mr Miller's advice. Perhaps just giving your original thoughts a bit of space before posting will strengthen them, because 'weak' words will jump out at you. It's a good policy for the seriously interested. Keep writing.

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Ray Miller

Sun 16th May 2010 09:23

Has potential, Joseph, needs a bit of trimming."crumbling before my eyes" for example, is a bit stale and could easily be omitted altogether as could a few commas and the "I am" before unwelcome. "Exams are just observing me" is a nice phrase and the ending is pretty good.

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