This isn’t happiness,
This is a set of lips,
Curling at the corners,
Retired from being kissed,
This is a facade,
The back arched,
Leaning in to whisper,
I’m destroyed by culture.
This is emptiness,
Vacancy forming dust,
This isn’t happiness,
It never was.
That is really encouraging, thank you so much, I wish more people my age enjoyed poetry
This is terrific - really thought provoking. The ideas, diction and images are outstanding - especially 'I'm destroyed by culture'. Great title. By the way, 'criticised' on WOL generally means 'noticed/considered/commented upon', nothing negative.
Thank you :D
Sort of lean, direct, not too many words, says it all in a few very well chosen words, er, um . . elegant too. Looks good on the page as well. That do 'ya? ;-)
I knew the culture line would get criticised, I literally could not think of anything to go there, it bothered me. Thanks for your feedback :)
Ann- what do you mean by spare?
:)
Spare and very good.
I like this, "a set of lips curling at the corners" is a strong image. I should think you don't need a comma after lips.Facade and arched is a nice rhyme. The weak point is "I'm destroyed by culture" which is vague after some arresting images.
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winston plowes
Fri 30th Apr 2010 00:48
nice...