Facade of broken smiles

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This isn’t happiness,

This is a set of lips, 

Curling at the corners,

Retired from being kissed,

This is a facade,

The back arched,

Leaning in to whisper,

I’m destroyed by culture.

This is emptiness,

Vacancy forming dust,

This isn’t happiness,

It never was.

Broken heartsCultureFacadeHappinessLoveLove lost

◄ Fox

Ambient ►

Comments

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winston plowes

Fri 30th Apr 2010 00:48

nice...

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Joseph Kennedy

Wed 28th Apr 2010 21:18

That is really encouraging, thank you so much, I wish more people my age enjoyed poetry

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Wed 28th Apr 2010 20:20

This is terrific - really thought provoking. The ideas, diction and images are outstanding - especially 'I'm destroyed by culture'. Great title. By the way, 'criticised' on WOL generally means 'noticed/considered/commented upon', nothing negative.

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Joseph Kennedy

Wed 28th Apr 2010 09:51

Thank you :D

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Ann Foxglove

Wed 28th Apr 2010 09:41

Sort of lean, direct, not too many words, says it all in a few very well chosen words, er, um . . elegant too. Looks good on the page as well. That do 'ya? ;-)

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Joseph Kennedy

Wed 28th Apr 2010 08:58

I knew the culture line would get criticised, I literally could not think of anything to go there, it bothered me. Thanks for your feedback :)

Ann- what do you mean by spare?
:)

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Ann Foxglove

Wed 28th Apr 2010 07:24

Spare and very good.

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Ray Miller

Wed 28th Apr 2010 07:15

I like this, "a set of lips curling at the corners" is a strong image. I should think you don't need a comma after lips.Facade and arched is a nice rhyme. The weak point is "I'm destroyed by culture" which is vague after some arresting images.

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