Smoking my life away

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To comfort me in times of trouble, to have and told

to lovingly clasp, like hasp and staple

if only I was still able to grasp and cling to the wrists

of the family that deserted me years before

for the same lost cause - I forget I'm not a little girl anymore.


Yet it makes no difference, I wasn't even legal before I succumbed to this evil -

for Heaven's sake, it kills people, it ruins lives

yet through the hard times it's hard to see a way beyond

and out of the fog, the haze of the woodbine smog

is all I've got.


I'm more than capable of saying no yet still i go

and break the promise I made only yesterday

I hate the patch, prefer to go it alone

and do it my own haphazard way

"just one more" i hear myself say -


one more turns into one more packet

it costs a packet to smoke these days

but I dont read the warnings on them now

I'm a stupid cow yet in oblivion I'm free

I don't want to think


I don't want to stink but can't sacrifice my refuge

I'm lost in a deluge of spent matches, and yet

it catches on my breath and strains my chest

the test, is whether one day I'll wake up

and smell the coffee


Fuck caffeine, it knocks me sick, my cancer stick

is my true best friend, faithful 'til the end

and I'm certain the end is nigh, it's curtains

show's over, roll over and die, but not right now

I haven't finished


There's still a glow beneath the ash, my cash flow

is low but unimportant, it makes no sense

yet I sit on the fence and light another

just like my mother and hers before, I deplore

the thought of anything


In common with human beings, yet I'm seeing

a pattern ebb, flow, rise and flatten in my quest

to feed this nicotine dream, everything I was taught

it contravenes - but I guess I can't help it -

it's in the genes.


◄ Look Beyond (2)

You confuse me ►


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Donna Marie Beck

Sat 24th Apr 2010 09:57

I have just started smoking after 4 mths of quitting, so i have to quit again..This reminds me of my own thoughts about smoking.

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