I am a 52 going on 18 year old guy who has been doing live poetry reading for 2 years now monthly at The Acoustic club Ebbw Vale (that I was instrumental in forming)
An ode to January Thankfully January is almost over as a month it is never nice Expensive gifts you bought for Christmas all being reduced now to half price December was such a fun time we all seem have a ball Unlike a summer month that flies by January seems to crawl You stay at home in front of the TV after work outside it is too cold and dark Does anyone ever buy that magazine that over 50 weeks lets you build a miniature Cutty Sark? Thankfully January is almost over as a month it is never nice You often buy a gym membership no matter what the price You start full of good intentions in your new trainers, shorts and vest Though after a fortnight you have knocked it on the head and are totally depressed You are not alone it is Blue Monday the whole nation feels the same All our New Years Resolutions firmly down the drain Thankfully January is almost over as a month it is never nice TV full of adds for winter cruises that try so desperately to entice Yes a winter sunshine break would be great I hear you say Though for most of us a vacation is at least six months away So we dig out our old boots so the salt does not ruin our best shoes And spend the evenings drinking the last of our Christmas booze Thankfully January is almost over as a month it is never nice The weather is so miserable with all this snow and ice Snow is only great when you are in school you soon remember You dread the bank statement arriving showing how reckless you were in December To compensate even when you stand up and cannot see your feet You decide it would be a waste not to finish that tin of Quality Street Thankfully January is almost over as a month it is never nice There is a gateaux in the fridge spoil yourself have a slice Put on one of those Christmas DVDs you had or take a little nap You cannot go out jogging the pavements are a death trap Spring will be here soon you vow to mountain walk up the Brecon Beacons and the Blorenge As you veg out on the sofa and unwrap a chocolate orange! An Ode to abstention. I have given up alcohol everybody says that it will not last Given how much binge drinking I have done in the past My best friend says it is like all my new year‘s resolutions just bound to fail He also says it is me that put the ale into Ebbw Vale I have given up alcohol and said I will do it for a year My wife cannot understand a word I say as it is no longer delivered a slur There is no way that that i will fall off the wagon or become a Drunken bum I have gone mad and wiill not eatn a scotch egg or touched a wine gum I have given up alcohol I tell you the mind it really boggles Going out on Friday nights without my beer goggles I am in the process now of trying to find some other vices It will not be women of the night because being sober I just refuse to pay their prices! I have given up alcohol to think I once went on a whiskey diet, I lost two whole days once and would not recommend you try it I am now teetotal for how long then do you reckon? I will tell you 2 months 12 hours and 5 minutes give or take a second! An ode to the winter God I hate the winter and all that snow and ice It is dark at 4pm and every tee shirt you see is half price January & February are so depressing like living on the set at Albert Square Everybody is so miserable frost and apathy fills the air God I hate the winter I wish I could hibernate Sleep from November to May that would be really great I am a summer person me that is when I am at my best As soon as the flip flops go in the cupboard is when I get depressed God I hate the winter I do not like it one little bit The town has run out of bread and milk and the council have no grit We are never prepared for snow and ice you would think by now we would be wise Although it happens annually the winter always takes us by surprise God I hate the winter I have skated here tonight My back goes out more than I do and it is not a pretty sight Each morning is a misery something my wife has come to hate I evacuate my bowels at seven am but these cold mornings I do not get out of bed till eight God I hate the winter and scraping ice off my car windscreen I try to get the wife to do it but her language can become obscene Still the nights are drawing out a bit I think I saw a daffodil today Time to find those flip flops soon because summers on the way
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