Poetry Blog by Matthew Nicholson
Big Sal on The Denial of an Ageing Disgrace (Fri, 24 Aug 2018 12:48 am)
I sit there in silence
suffering the sunlight striking
trying to shield my eyes
scared to seizure
while a dozen strangers surround me
making murmurings about my choice of seat
I can't claim to know for sure what they are thinking
but I feel the weight of their stares
perhaps I don't look like I should be sitting there
just another arsehole with too many bags.
A part of me wants them to c...
Monday 5th November 2018 9:13 am
I've been trying since I got released
I want to start anew
but it's impossible to get a job
when I can't secure an interview
they're gossiping down the bookies
and in the local boozer
they're saying I'm no kind of man
that I'm only out to use her
they're saying that I'm work-shy
'cause I stay at home all day
while she's out working two jobs
struggling by on minimum pay
I admit I've got...
Thursday 20th September 2018 11:41 am
At nine o'clock your day begins
but I've been up since six
cleaning clothes and scrubbing floors
mushing up your Weetabix
I have to empty all the bins
and wash the dishes up
then I come and bathe you
you're such a mucky pup
clothes hanging on the wardrobe
prepared the night before
I dress you and I feed you
then I clean your mess once more
I put the TV on for you
but I never get a cha...
Friday 24th August 2018 10:33 am
He's getting three square meals a day
it's his idea of heaven
shares a cell with just one other bloke
he's from a family of seven
there's a TV in the corner
his toiletries on the shelf
for the first time in his short life
he can focus on himself
he keeps himself from trouble
he's not trying to prove he's hard
he keeps a healthy distance
from the inmates and the guards
he's working in t...
Thursday 23rd August 2018 10:51 pm
Where's the fucking rizlas man?
I just need a fucking smoke
to take the edge of
starting with just one almighty toke
this week's been shit. I have to say
today's been much the same
let's smoke 'til I can't see her face
and can't recall their names
she said that I'm an addict yeah
what does she fucking know?
A few pills every weekend
and a little bit of blow
a spliff for breakfast every...
Thursday 23rd August 2018 9:34 pm
The first time it happened she was barely nine
it was a simple request
you show me yours and I'll show you mine
she had no interest in what he'd offered to show
but he was two years older and that little bit bolder
he wouldn't listen to her when she said no.
He offered to give her something for her time
she suggested fifty pence
he agreed with a nod and a smile and with that
he bought her...
Thursday 23rd August 2018 3:39 pm
He’s cruising around staring at faces
desperate to satisfy his inflated ego and his increased social status
horn beeping when he passes girls
as he shouts a selection of questionable phrases
but this ain’t this blokes first rodeo
he’s been doing this for ages
I watch him and I shake my head
and I swear to you
in this world there is nothing cooler
than a balding middle aged fat cunt lech...
Sunday 1st July 2018 12:57 pm
I’m depressed as fuck
and have a neurological condition
and a gambling addiction
and way past my best
it’s clear to see I’m a fucking mess
all the while
repetitive delusional thinking
with so much to offer
How the fuck am I still single?
Sunday 1st July 2018 11:40 am
Tell your best mate that you love him
and tell him that you miss him
embrace him warmly when you meet
and if you have to
this does not mean you want to fuck him!
Just let him know you value him
that you're glad he's in your life
confess you have no interest
in making him your wife
ask him how he's doing
and be prepared to listen
provide encouragement to share
it could be...
Friday 26th January 2018 12:23 pm
They look at me like I'm the problem
and the cause of their boredom
and who knows
maybe in some ways I am.
I was a teenager once
bemoaning the lack of activities to get involved in
because opportunities were slim
and money was always tight
we had no Internet
to check through what's on listings
or you tube videos to learn new skills
I remember a lack of positive role models
Wednesday 17th January 2018 10:03 am
It suddenly struck me
It's the end of June, I thought.
That means. Oh shit that means
her anniversary is here again.
I felt a sense of guilt because
the date of her passing had slipped my mind
I guess I've just been busy
visiting friends and family
and moving to a new area.
Oh and I've not been particularly well.
Nothing to worry about Mum
I just keep having these seizures
I never had ...
Thursday 29th June 2017 3:06 pm
She’s got two part time jobs
and works her fingers to the bone
a single mum with no support from him
but she made that house a home.
Empty promises of child support
to help to feed her pack
every bloke she’s ever known’s
always fucked off and turned their back.
She doesn’t feel resentment
she never has the time
if she gets an hour to herself each day
she swears tha...
Wednesday 29th March 2017 11:14 am
It's just another typical night out with the lads
the beers are flowing
and shots are being downed
while shamelessly flirting with a hen party
enjoying a night on the town.
See that fella over there?
Aye that's the one
life and soul of the party
filling the air with banter and bravado
a proper man's man
tough as old boots he is.
Captain of his local rugby team
he's got hands like shov...
Friday 24th March 2017 10:42 am
I am who I am largely due to the women I have known
I give thanks to their help in my personal development
for teaching me how to express love
through vital lessons they have shown
like empathy, compassion, forgiveness and understanding
accepting me despite my many flaws and imperfections.
To all the positive female role models I've known over the years
who reassured me that s...
Sunday 22nd January 2017 9:35 am
For all the bell ends on building sites
and the charmers
who freely shout abuse from their van
at women going about their day
I often wonder how you would feel
if someone did that to your Mam.
How would you react if you witnessed
your own flesh and blood being routinely exploited,
objectified or sexually assaulted?
Would you still cheer and egg the culprits on
as they leered and jeer...
Tuesday 17th January 2017 11:04 pm
Twenty seven years of sleepless nights
enduring a lifetime of injustice.
Fighting endlessly to clear the name...
of friends and loved ones wrongly blamed.
Justice should have been swift and free,
but corruption was present from the start
and lay at the heart of this tragedy.
Adding pain and deepening their misery.
Always dignified. Unflinching in their efforts,
the strength it has...
Thursday 28th April 2016 9:23 am
You always said you worried
for the ones you'd leave behind
and what they had to go through
as they watched your health decline
I never fully understood
how you found the strength to fight
never once self pitying
though you had every right.
Never once did you complain
or state life was unfair
rejecting help because you felt
it better served elsewhere
the tears you shed wer...
Tuesday 22nd July 2014 10:48 am
If you were a dog
we'd have put you sleep
before the loss of memory
and dragging of feet
before the confusion
and constant frustration
haunted with the knowledge
your life would be taken.
The jumbled speech
and declining sight
the fears that kept
you up at night
the lack of food
going into your system
the morphine drip
and doctors inspections.
The saddened look
Sunday 20th July 2014 2:19 pm
I found a picture of you today
it rocked me to the core
showing you smiling, full of life
before your cancer war
it broke my heart to see it though
and made me question why
the ones who mean the most to us
are taken before their time?
Filled with so much more to give
oh how you spread your love
always there for anyone
and never one to judge
you taught me vital lessons, which
Sunday 20th July 2014 12:56 am
One more day I wanted
from the moment that you passed
one more conversation
to hear you talk and laugh
a year gone by already
and the void you left remains
this loneliness unbearable
can't shift this fucking pain.
I tried to drink and smoke myself
into an early grave
momentary respite from grieving
I still crave
but nothing numbs the feeling
of a paren...
Saturday 19th July 2014 11:48 am
Not another white nigger!
Was the statement thrown at me
by some un-evolved, knuckle dragging, pissed up mistake of humanity
in a Wetherspoons pub toilet
spreading his intellectual views
I glanced to witness my aggressor
and saw him pissing on his shoes.
I should take him more seriously I thought
after seeing what he'd done
please teach me sir all you have learned
Sunday 15th June 2014 3:03 pm
Saturday 22 March
Leeds Utd 2-1 Millwall
Today I took my Niece to her first ever Leeds United game. With Vinnie Jones in attendance at the ground it had to be a Leeds win didn't it?
A simple equation created the first goal: ball into the box + big man = goal. Despite the goal both teams shifted between average and mediocre, with little to get excited about. The game threatened to boil over on occas...
Monday 24th March 2014 5:45 pm