I did it babe – I’m the new recruit!

The posh bird in the pin-striped suit

Shook my hand and told me straight

That I was the perfect candidate.

She swallowed all the usual lies

And failed to see through my disguise.

I love the confidence I can win

With a false CV and a cheeky grin.

I did it babe – I got the sale!

I went and spun this guy a tale

Of w...

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Why on Earth would you think

I’d find one of the world’s biggest killers

funny?

You’ve known me for years, you heartless cow.

We shared the same drab town

sterilised bottles

degenerate parents.

I looked after you when you were sick

Scraping back hair, sponging brow

Forcing vile vials of fizzy liquids down your protesting throat.

I’ve run Marathons, raised...

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He was planning to go with his mates to the fair
With the money he’d saved from his newspaper rounds.
He’d promised Leanne that he’d lend her a fiver
She’d promised to sneak out a six-pack of cider.
But crossing the road on the way to the grounds
She got killed by a hit-and-run driver.

He was planning to bike round the Cape of Good Hope
With the money he’d made from a day at th...

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