A Good Cry

Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about

Words that have haunted me since childhood

They were imprinted into my brain

They broke my heart

They scarred my soul

 

For years I hid my tears

From glaring eyes

I shut down feeling anything

Motionless

Helpless

Unable to speak

 

Until 

I was alone

Where no one could see me

Or hear me except God

...

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Lessons in Life

I learned a long time ago

That the only one I could control

Was myself

 

I learned to question everything

For better understanding

Of the truth

 

I learned how to survive

The struggle and the strife

On my own


I learned to appreciate

The blessings on the plate

Set before me

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Done

One of my biggest mistakes

Was falling in love with a fake

Who was not who he pretended to be

He'd only mirrored my good qualities

 

One of my greatest lessons

Ended up being a blessing

His shine began to fade

When I realized his charade

 

One of my most magnanimous feats

Was to find the courage to speak

To walk away from a selfish prick

To leave the Narcissi...

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Cry

I cry for the past

Of what once was

For how it could've been

But it's over now and

There's no turning back

I'm moving on

 

I cry for the present

Of how it really is

I'm all on my own

With nobody to miss

Except for my son

 

I cry for the future

The uncertainty

I keep holding on

But it's hard to stay strong

When my body is failing me

 

 

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Looking

Looking back on the past

It's hard to believe 

That I made it through

Such tragedies

 

From youth to adulthood

Fighting battles I never should have

With family, with friends

I was betrayed

 

Looking at the present day

I'm glad I found a way

To shrug off the naysayers

No matter what they said

 

From walking to talking

Saying goodbye to their charades

...

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Hated

You were like a drug

That I couldn't get enough

I craved your attention

You played with me

 

You were like a mirage

That I couldn't quite see

I sought understanding

You confused me

 

You were like a bad dream

That I was scared to experience

I gave you my heart

You gave me silence

 

You were like an epiphany

That I suddenly had

I was your opposite

...

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Trauma Bound

Every time I fall

I land with a thud

I shake my head

I get back up

I won't stay down

I'll rise up again

Like a phoenix

See me rise

Into the sky

Like a burning flame

Your one desire

Higher and higher

Until I lose consciousness

And come crashing down

Towards the ground

I fall into you

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Nobody's Fool

I am not the same 
as I was yesterday
For I have grown in knowledge
I have learnt something new
I am nobody's fool

I am not ashamed
of the choices I have made
They were made for survival
People were so cruel
I am nobody's fool

I am not afraid
to ask the hard questions
To get to the truth
To search for clues
I am nobody's fool!

 

 

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Burnt

I was high on you

I wanted you

I was on fire

Consumed by desire

Like a moth to a flame

That was your game

To burn me alive

And leave me to die

To prove that you

Had power over me

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I fought

I fought so hard

Not to be with

A man like my father

Selfish and demanding

With cruel misunderstandings

Lots of silence and too many lies

 

I fought so hard 

Not to be like

A woman like my mother

Afraid of her abuser

Becoming his enabler

Staying quiet to keep the peace

Losing her identity

 

I fought so hard 

To become

The woman I am today

Self-...

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I'd rather

I want a life of peace and love and comradely
I want a man I can love and who can love me
I want a man I can trust, because he could trust me
I want a man with values and integrity
Who wants to live right, without animosity
I want a man who isn't demanding, controlling or belittling me
I had a father who was a tyrant and didn't love me
Or his version of love was to discipline and punish me
...

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An end to your means

As much as I was attracted to you

I felt your repulsion of me

As much as I had admired you

I felt your loathing for me

As much as I opened myself up to you

I felt you close yourself off to me

As much as I wanted only you

I felt your uncertainty

As much as I remained chaste to you

I dreamt of your infidelities

As much as I loved you

I felt your hatred for me

As m...

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Until

I liked you better

When I first met you

When you seemed to really like me

 

I liked you better

Before I really knew you

When I thought you were honest with me

 

I liked you better

When I thought you were true

Until you were unfaithful to me

 

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Voicemail

It took me awhile

To figure it out

Just what you were up to

 

You had me fooled

Talking about your wounds

And what you went through

 

You strung me along

With a dance and a song

You were only out for you

 

You never spoke of love

And that's not enough

For me to hold onto you

 

So, don't bother to call

For I want it all

I'll let it go to voicema...

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I'm sorry

I'm sorry 
That I hung on
When you wanted to let go
It was all wrong
But I didn't want to know
That you'd only kept me around
Until something better showed
So, baby, if that's how you really feel
Then, I've nothing left to say to you
Except,
Goodbye.

 

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I don't understand. Do you?

I don't understand 

How I fell so fast

How I fell so hard 

For you

 

Was it the way that you talked

Or the way that you walked

Or your beautiful eyes

Of blue

 

I cannot forget

The man I had met

The one my heart picked 

Was you

 

I cannot explain

The joy or the pain

The feelings were insane

With you


I don't understand

Why I let you back ...

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Give me one good reason

Your words were weak

They sounded forced

I doubted your sincerity

 

Your actions were empty

They felt like a farce

I feared for my security

 

I'd been down this road before

Had games played with my heart

By men who had vehmenently sworn

That I was the only one 

 

Give me one good reason

Why I should give you anything

When you haven't proven to me

Tha...

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Played

I was consumed by emotion, offering devotion, when you gave yourself to me.

We had good times for awhile, we both smiled, until you were tempted away from me.

It hurt like hell, my blood boiled, I felt what they call 'jealousy'.

It took a long time not to, blame the other woman who, was your victim as much as I.

You were never mine, you just wanted a good time, you didn't really love m...

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I gave. You never.

I gave you my love

But it wasn't enough

For you sold me out 

I tried, but you cried

What the hell was that about?!

It was always the same

You'd call my name

I'd drop everything 

And chase after you

But I was a fool

To think that you

Really and truly

Loved me

I found out through another

That you were a liar

A cheater

A schemer

A victim of your own ...

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