silence me 
so that you can feel powerful 
win the game you've played 
millions of times 
Closed off like a forbidden book 
Your demeanor mimics slime 

As you slip and slide within your own sickness 
Think about this: 
How can someone be coerced into a drunken other's kiss? 
Doesn't happen overnight 

Tried as I did, my needs always caused
a fight 
Too inconvenient and costly for yo...

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"too much"
she's scary
intimidating
dangerous
stay clear of her, she's crazy 

No one asks her why?, or
where the hell she learned how to 
play ping pong like a pro? 

Indecision plagues her every move 
as she goes from guy to guy 
desperate to find something real and secure 
seems made up 

How blissful would it be for her 
to be intimate at her own leisure 
to have autonomy behi...

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A young girl once played amongst the treetops in the country 
Inspired by the nature; in awe of its bounty

Suddenly, her sense of safety was shattered
Neglected by the people who she thought mattered

Where minutes turned into hours
Then hours turned into days 
Morphed into years of living in survival mode
perpetual fear 

She escaped with her books
Dreaming of ancient world wonders 
...

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my mind is slowing down
less drinking keeps me sound 
I battle everyday 
this night demon that plagues me 

dwindling my money
each purchase seems so small 
until i'm left with nothing at all 
brain is impulsive as a default 

but everyone tells me
"it's not your fault" 
yet I'm supposed to fix myself
the patterns and habits subtracting from my inner wealth 

it's comfortable to rem...

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writing about you feels wrong 
similar to how you felt about everything I did 
and perhaps you were right 
scrutinized for basic human behaviors 
patronized and stigmatized for my presentation 
the stark opposite of the boy who ignores me 
instead, you overwhelm me 

thinking it was a show of love
I felt heavy with regret over who I was 
and how I'd never be the image you wanted 
corral...

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I am abusive towards you, or so you say 
I turn into a monster when you use your strongest power 
Your ability to pretend as if I'm not even there 
This reminds me of being ignored in the past 
Year after year, by those who were assigned to care 
I became loud and boisterous 
Chaotic and shocking 
Attempting to be interesting 
Convinced now that I outshine the best 
When truly, I'm a mess...

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you're a damn good actor, I'll give you that 
putting your arms around me as if you actually enjoy the feeling 
when really 
you get off from seeing me reeling for you 
tangled up in your sticky web
I fight to twist free
yet still let you feed off me
like the predator you are 
you wear that sheep suit so well 
it fits you like a glove 
yet it's now full of holes and faded 
I can see tha...

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Flowers and cooked meals 
Dancing around with you 
is just one part of the deal 
Confusion and deflection 
meant to cause extreme deception 
If only it were as easy as watching Inception 
on a Saturday morning 
it could be so easy 
if you'd just let me
Let me into your little bubble 
He stays convinced that all I am is 
trouble 
Creeping into my heart and soul 
similar to myself; almo...

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unhappy 
with the little things that others cherish 
tainted by the planes 
reminiscing and glorifying 
the place where my identity perished 
washed away in just a week 
here I am 
almost 2 am 
troo many swirling thoughts 
stuck on repeat 
confused about stability 
I pretend like I know
deep down, she's hiding that little girl she used to know 
she's scared of how 
nonchalant 
her f...

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those bright smiles that used to light up 
every room 
were slowly replaced with fake grins
narrowed eyes and pursed lips 
sighs and eyes rolls 
tightened up body 
closed off mind 
diminishing my shine as if it would return yours 
yet that didn't work 
it only served to make me run 
run, and run, towards a pub down the road 
unwelcome in my own home 
I'd stay out, perpetually alone 
h...

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I don't mean to compare
but I guess I do 
the black and white pervades everything 
dark hair to light 
conversations that don't morph into fights 
a man who chooses his words 
over a boy who cowers with his 
diminishing language spewed from a rich boy's mouth 
while words of honesty and brutality compose the person I prefer 

If only I could have a blend 
except life isn't perfect like ...

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halt cut with eyes wide shut 
trying to get full cut 
without the regret 
lonely to a fault 
there's nothing left to talk about 

The wind is blowing as the sun shines bright 
For the first time, I'm writing not at night 

Let me fall into someone's lap without effort 
Handling this life takes tremendous effort 
Being at baseline is what they don't understand 
What's the point, I'll ne...

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Amazing how the sound of one's voice has the ability to melt one's heart 
The thrill of a new sound, an alternative outlook, unfamiliar to a gal like me 
Immediate distrust mingled with curiosity 
Yet the promiscuity won in the end 
Giving into what I thought he might want 
This body is separate from my mind 
Sacred? it's damaged and used, deserves cyclical abuse 
The thought of being adore...

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