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Regret (II)

There are things I never thought I’d do,

Somethings I had to go through till I’ve understood,

Lies can be as truthful as the truth can get 

Don’t stand from the outside and point outliers,

Later you will land on the same lane and expect sympathy.

I still leave a rose on the same ground to show some empathy.

Hellhounds in my head are growling, I feel like a psychopath.

With Cro...

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Dark sad regretPast. regret. Tired

failure

As I fall in this loop of not feeling enough,

These things I have to deal with after failed attempts.

I feel incompetent when I can’t achieve or reach my goals,

Maybe there is something I missed in the archive,

I am never fully pleased with the things I achieve,

Unappreciative is a way to perceive things.

I try to be attentive to the collateral beauty,

But it’s literally hard ...

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addiction

Addictions, things that make me happy.

Things that used to make me happy are now my addictions.

I was a few bizarre episodes in, triggers called for introspection.

I reviewed the list and there are some additions,

“Just one more”, procrastination is a binding spell for all.

Its five cans deep without recognition its a blind habit,

“I will stop” this is a review of hypocrisy, it's...

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addictionsepiphany

Bonds

My life is like skyfall, I wonder if I am Mr Bond,

This is a story of unfixed bonds, as I watch them fall apart.

paternal or maternal, some internal, it’s forever chaos.

Wonder whose funeral will I attend first,

Mine or theirs, I pray it's not mine.

Something you are fond of its called a bond,

Mine lately feel faded, don't know if they are bladed yet.

I see us back on our jade...

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resentment

lost

Disappointed myself as usual 

Appointments I can't seem to attend.

Achievements I failed to achieve on my own

Important concepts were out of my reach.

Practise what you preach, I will do that but some other time.

Hypocrisy is a philosophy I need to look into,

Lately, it doesn't feel authentic.

Latent learning seems to be idealistic.

Pointing fingers while three of them poin...

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lostself critical

fading reality

Reality is questionable,

Probabilities of success are like a needle in a sack of nails,

It takes a breath to fail, but why is progress difficult?

Definitions and laws dictate this realm.

Flaws we never talked about yet we keep faking it,

“Ask you shall be answered”, ironically it has been silent.

Talk about how to fix this, fix that, how about break that and wreck this?.

Fail ...

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confusedlost

chasing

You are not awake if you are a millionaire,

Power is what they are after,they are just infi-naires.

Wake up, look at them, put you through school, just another tool.

Don't let them fool you, they want to live through you.

This is someone's dream selling your dreams, don't sleep in,

Everybody trying to slip out, things we don't want to talk about.

Look at the world through the sim...

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conspiracymind controltroubled minds

questioning

Late sleep has been deprived,

Most nights are spent on trying to decide what to do next,

What is best for me or worst, planning moves.

Going through a list of movies, I'm barely interested in.

Look at the ceiling try to look in my heart, 

And find what I concealed away,

and try to find something to feel about.

And think about my doubts.

Am I alive or just living? I don't kn...

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epiphanylate thoughtsquestionssubconcious thought

betrayed

I want to scream so bad, But how can I?

This is just another bad dream, one day I’ll wake from,

Another scheme of sleep paralysis on my throat, 

Like I owe them, I’ll pay my dues but not now.

Feels like self betrayal, I can't even trust myself.

Saw it coming but chose to stay loyal,

Trusting logic has been problematic.

Can't say it's not my fault, when it is.

Emotinonal War...

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betrayedhurtingrelationship problems

Ghosts of the past

This life is racing, pacing,

Taking laps one gets daunting of,

At some point lasps are real deal breakers.

Its pathological the way we follow our impulses,

Illogical paths often get our pulse racing.

Habits that should have remained in the past,

Keep waiting in the corridor like ghosts. 

We try to keep dead stories buried,

But later look at how hoarding fed them to devour u...

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haunted by pastPast. regret. Tired

Change

Turning points peak the highest,

As for change, it gets worse.

Been drowning in sorrow,

Found myself at rock bottom.

Its time for a metamorphosis,

time for a change of gears now.

Forget the fears and whispers, 

Late night critics will still be there irregardless. 

Let's look at the world from a different perspective,

Transmogrify my life if possible.

transform from my...

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Change

Too much of life

Ever felt loved and betrayed?

Kinda feels evil.

Dark and handsome,

Till it hurts you.

Look at the world,,

And paint it with one color.

Its not so black and white,

But what you choose may be Grey.

You are a prey of choices,

Choose what suits you,

But what makes you think you are correct? 

This world is complex,

A rubrics within a rubrics.

Try all the rubies,

...

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lovepath of life

Regret

I watched myself turn to something,

 A person I was afraid to be.

Swallowed by anger, hatred and resentment,

I kept my head high for too long,

I couldn't bear what I was.

A retard and a drunkard with a lost soul,

Sold into trauma trying to please people. 

Put them at ease, subtle hypnosis.

Pain, regret and depression served, 

Don't know if that's karma saved for me.

T...

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emotional painmy past experienceresentment

Am I losing it

Am I losing it?

searches are scarier lately,

Trying to find a way out.

I couldn't had been more petty,

Been listening to the sound of crickets,

All I could remember are rickets in my life.

But what history has ever changed?

 

I feel like I have been here before,

Subtle signs at a young age,

Just the same page with a different number.

Can't tell the storyline perfec...

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suicidal thoughts

sleep doesn't matter

Sleep don't matter

 if the heart wanders all over the place.

Deep it sets on emotions,

Following motions the heart takes.

Some are like a heart attack,

Some are like genuine joy.

 

Past the time it felt sorrow, 

The time it felt nothing but hollow, 

Difficult times were times we were to swallow. 

But we decided to smile.

Pass the minute,

Its compass is never set...

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religion

It's literal and figurative,

Just try to find which is which.

A list of vague messages and questions,

Some choose to be rogue.

One holds on to his own faith.

And prayed to be on the right path.

.

All in the fear of someone's wrath.

I meant not to disrespect or insult.

Is this a cult?

if one's right is one's wrong.

If my corpse ever touch the ground,

And my soul ...

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am I lazy

Am I lazy? 

Lately I've been feeling hazy.

Cloudy thoughts, just unknown known routes. 

forever lost in my thoughts. 

When it's time to start working, 

Blame it on anxiety and emotional turmoil, 

I know nothing will move If I don't do something.

Hide behind the depression, sadness, self pity. 

Those are your excuses

It's like you like being depressed.

 

Why cry if ...

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late night self critics

phase don't last

Phases don't last,

Until it's time to face them.

Changes that progress slow.

Suspense and patience I don't have.

Temper and triggers,

Ready to be pulled.

 

I want this to pass,

Nothing to fuss about.

Pain and inevitable stages,

Turn the pages to a chapter I don't read.

A chapter of dungeons,

Ruled by legions of demons,

A region in my mind.

Even religion is...

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inner thoughts

hidden scars, unhealed wounds

Hidden scars, unhealed wounds, 

and a forever bleeding heart.

Past I can't seem to forget,

Just watching over till you are down.

Over a smile you will frown,

When your nose takes a sniff.

Just unknown threats,

Underlying fears waiting patiently,

Waiting for tears to bottle up.

Now that's a bubble I shouldn't burst.

 

This is the rubble I kept,

All these years wa...

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real life

giving up

Can you hear it?

Listen carefully now

Pay attention as the neck snaps

Before you snap and lose it.

Do you hear it slit?

Before you split,

To your misery.

 

Enjoy your seconds of misery

Joy will find you in mystery.

It's all scenery and gore in your head.

Hearts heavy you don't rest.

You wanna die not by your hand,

They won't blame you if you die.

 

List...

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suicidal thoughts

when I was still happy

Ten a.m. in the morning as I remember,

I woke to a warm smile and a high class breakfast.

When I was still happy.

Day in day out I cared less of this world and its atrocities.

When my innocence was proven by looks, now it’s proven by records.

When I was still happy,

It was easy.

 

When I was still happy,

Time mattered to parents, but not for the young ones.

Bills were...

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dark world

This world is so dark,

A lost ark that wonders without no mark.

Nations brawl to see who will crawl first it’s a perking order,

Over power, religion, visions, views and sense less disputes.

Few man in a room are enough for senseless sacrifices.

They shed lives and souls of the nation, they are rewarded.

Awarded to shed someone’s dad, brother and friends,

Without remorse they ...

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Sadness

I have seen you sleep with bottled up tears

All those times you suffered in your masculinity

“Men don’t cry though” they said

Almost tested your suicide attempts when it was full.

Those times when all of this back then would be seen as weakness,

 

I have seen

You take insults like a champ, but none asked you whether “are you okay”?

Tear yourself in that stench drink.

I ...

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Path

I am a pacifist of this world

In this path of discovery I am liar, a deceiver.

All these demons in my head run wild

I am a pacifist by word

But a warlord by thoughts

 

Guilty as charged

Like a warrior after the war

Grieving in a scorched tarred heart.

He won the war but lost himself.

He won, yes but at what cost? Compensated with guilt.

In the field, his consciou...

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regret

I regret the times I didn’t take my life

This living is hard and harsh I have been bleeding

Since I got here, it never ends.

I regret the times I had the chance to end this poverty

But all I did was to obey my fears, courage never found me.

 I learned not to obey fears, I now live to contemplate on it.

 

I regret on the times I could have ended all this pain.

I regret the...

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i blame

Blame

I blame my parents

Their fears made me lame.

There were no rooms for mistakes  

Today I am a perfectionist,

An Idealist of every aspects

 

I blame my parents

For the OCD, today chaos frightens me.

Beliefs shoved down my throat.

For all my insecurities about relationships,

Today I chase what I can’t have.

For the lecture instead of advice,

Today any cr...

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perspectiveregret.silenced

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