Poetry Blog by Jo Carter

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Patricia and Stefan Wilde on Ian McShanes Legs (Sun, 10 Apr 2011 12:45 pm)

Patricia and Stefan Wilde on Why Has The Ice-Maker Gone In The Cupboard Already? (Sat, 8 Jan 2011 12:33 am)

Patricia and Stefan Wilde on 'You're a chav' (Sat, 1 Jan 2011 04:43 pm)

on 'You're a chav' (Fri, 31 Dec 2010 09:20 pm)

Patricia and Stefan Wilde on Ian McShanes Legs (Wed, 22 Dec 2010 04:41 pm)

on Ian McShanes Legs (Wed, 22 Dec 2010 03:32 pm)

Patricia and Stefan Wilde on Ian McShanes Legs (Tue, 21 Dec 2010 09:45 am)

Beulah on Enemy (Tue, 6 Apr 2010 04:11 pm)

Andy N on Enemy (Wed, 10 Mar 2010 08:14 am)

Patricia and Stefan Wilde on Enemy (Tue, 9 Mar 2010 10:05 pm)

Why Has The Ice-Maker Gone In The Cupboard Already?

I thought it was an excellent present

An ice-maker,




It was from Amazon, you know

I did spend time thinking about what to get you

Knowing that you say all the gifts I get are ‘poo’

It’s stressful, you spoilt bugger!


When I saw today that you’d already put it in the cupboard

I literally shuddered

At the thought of a 5...

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'Sock War' (Childhood)

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It started very early on, your weirdo *thing* with the socks.

And the friggin tights….

……lordy, the fights.


‘THEY DON’T FIT PROPERLY’, you screamed with your scary Thor-voice

You were just plain livid,

At me

All the time

For the ill-fitting sock crime.


Back then you weren’t afraid to boot me anywhere you could land a hit

My anger back at you was m...

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'You're a chav'

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I buy all my clothes, save underwear, from Oxfam and the same,

Ready made meals never see my kitchen -

Instead large pans of boiling Epicureanesque broth and grain

Bubble and steam ready for their little freezer boxes, neatly labeled.


I read dusty little unshiny secondhand books; Lacan, Foucault, Rumi, too many to mention.

There’s even a little Brian Cox and Greene in ...

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Ian McShanes Legs

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Having never been up close and personal with a man over the age of fifty;

I had no idea that nature

Takes all that’s nifty

From a mans legs

And gives nothing much back in return.


It was shocking to me when watching Pillars of the Earth

While sat eating a chinese, as you do,

To see the complete dearth

Of muscle and prowess

Contained in the legs of the af...

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Severs every last connecting tendril, with a blade

Leaving me alone and isolated from All.

Locks me in a darkened cell, melts the key with flame

Subjecting me to the torture of 'When'.

Laughs when I cry -

Rejoices when I die -

Cheers when I give up -

Celebrates when I tremble.


Kicks me in the gut, with boots of steel

Making me fall to my knees, and my f...

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Before you accuse,

Bruise, someone somewhere in some distant place

You’ve never been to, and never plan on going;

Review your attachment

To this habit you have, of pretending you are not simply the sum of Yourselves-

But some great mystical creature, capable of unearthly listenings to the minds of Others.


Before you bemoan,

Drone, drown in your own imaginings


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