Poetry Blog by JfingHendrix

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Douglas MacGowan on live for my applause (Tue, 23 Jan 2018 06:58 am)

raypool on little boys in little girl sweaters (Thu, 18 Jan 2018 05:10 pm)

Douglas MacGowan on for now (Mon, 15 Jan 2018 09:02 pm)

Douglas MacGowan on (in)decent exposure (Mon, 15 Jan 2018 12:19 am)

Getting there.

Moving through like a freight train.

Light on the move. 

A cheetah with a six speed engine. 

Cutting static with a lightening bolt. 

A quickening heart. 

A laser beam to there.

There. 

I can put my finger on it.

Can breathe it in.

Can relish in it. 

But 

know

I will never be there.

I can be here,

here

or here.

But there doesn't exist.

I exis...

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Trust in me.

The lie is that

I'll step away.

I'll stomp.

Tricks to make myself 

second guess and forgo my fall.

 

The truth is that

arms outstretched 

welcome this heavy heart.

 

These arms of mine.

Always were.

Always. 

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I'm rad.

High waisted red dress pants.

Stripped crop top. 

90's chunk shoes. 

70's suede jacket with the faux fur trim. 

I am FUCKING glorious. 

I walk amidst you.

And I lose traction. 

I swallow a stone

and sink. 

Sink.

Sink.

Sink.

Cover me in crustaceans.

Let me fill with water.

I won't catch my breathe this time. 

I am blue.

I am raging toward you 20 feet ...

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Vessel Building 101

At that time

the skies raged.

And I was whisked away.

Twisted up into space.

Folded into the fabric.

Set down in a world without woe. 

Blissful slumber.

But my stay was not for long

and I took to turbulent seas.

Once ashore,

I wept.

I had but a broken shell and a ripped up map.

I didn't know then 

but I also had a vessel to build.

I stumbled my way through...

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11/28/17

It has us hidden

but visits so we know it can see us.

It holds my nose tightly and pushes hard against my forehead. 

It should hurt but it doesn't. 

A not so coy hand in my pants.

We become invisible to the rest.

Darkness.

But it's eyes gleam.

All I can see.

Sadness. 

And stolen sadness.

The two are overbearing. 

But I don't care!

I twist around and push it b...

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An Exchange

We've just met. 

And it's wobbly.

Uneasy.

Trying to get it's footing. 

Hauling an anchor off. 

To make a match, 

I must go down 

or you must come up. 

Maybe I must come up  

and you must go down. 

Sticky sweet harmony. 

And it's nice to go up. 

Literally uplifting. 

To go down 

is to forgo. 

If I refuse 

or if you refuse, 

discord strikes 

and ...

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self love

live for my applause

I've done something clever.

And the usual movie begins to roll. 

Applause!

And sometimes not. 

Sometimes no one is there to clap. 

I imagine it. 

It's always perfect.

But it's the movies. 

Stuck on a silver screen. 

Not to mention you are all in bubbles. 

Films in development. 

Running a muck.

With wonky projectors.

And absentminded directors.

It's how it ...

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self love

next steps

I'm here 

but gone. 

I've got my hands already in the soil

but my body's here on the carpet. 

How can I stay in this moment 

when my heart has been on the road for 10 hours already. 

Learn that though. 

Start now.

I said this nearly a year ago.

I turned my head from it. 

Tried to rearrange the past.

What is needed is movement.

Specifically forward. 

I'll have...

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self love

11/29/17

He wraps me up

in HIS love. 

But my love is not right. 

Not enough he says. 

There's a lock on the outside of the door now. 

Too much, too much,

TOO MUCH!

Hit the road Jack!

He's out the door 

and I don't miss him.

The young girl pushes the screen bent 

and jumps out the window.

I wince in preparation for her crumpled body. 

But she's a cat 

and lands soft...

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self love

little boys in little girl sweaters

A little boy.

In a little girl's sweater. 

Little girls taunt. 

I sit on a table voiceless 

while he cries. 

Filled with his sadness. 

And my own. 

The scene is dispersed. 

A tsunami within

hits the shore as I walk away. 

It was bound to happen.

Today provided perfect conditions.

I am but one causality. 

Lips sewn up tighter. 

Put on a pretty dress. 

Wa...

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Peace!

Tell me why I need you to see me. 

Tel me why I care what you see. 

TELL ME! 

You have nothing to say.

You never have.

But I've reenacted your story a million times. 

And oh yes!

I gathered evidence. 

 

Because you did reject me. 

Because you told me you needed to see me.

Because you told me what you wanted to see. 

 

But the thing I will tell you...

 

...

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self love

for now

Want numb.

Fill up an infinite space with finite things. 

Perfect conditions for disappointment. 

And I can't stop. 

Can't curb it. 

Too much.

Not enough.

I'm allowing myself into this.

Always running.

Always afraid. 

But it does no good. 

So I chose it.

Offer open arms to it. 

Swirling shit. 

Fills my heart space. 

Fills my head space. 

And now I'm ...

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(in)decent exposure

In a state of being exposed.

Bring forth thyself and bare it.

Within the dark slimy chasm called "us" I've plucked shame.

Too naked for my liking.

Clothes of conformity fit perfectly.

But the tag's not been cut.

Oh, it's irritating!

But in a way that festers quietly and often unobserved.   

It doesn't like being ignored. 

It needs my attention.

So it twists. 

And m...

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self love

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