Poetry Blog by Hallielle Rose Dawson
on A Fire (Thu, 2 May 2019 04:08 pm)
My soul travels back and forth
Between feeling like I'm holding my breath,
And feeling like all the breath has been taken out of me.
In either case, it has been a long time
Since I have felt like I could breathe.
My world has been chaos,
Misfortune after tragedy after misfortune
Most days I wonder when I will catch a break
Then there are times I believe
I finally have my head above...
Monday 17th June 2019 4:47 pm
If you can honestly
Say you believe
I'll forget about you
And you'll forget about me
You have not yet
Come to realize
That apart, we are living
But half of a life.
Thursday 13th June 2019 4:24 pm
The abyss is a dark and lonely place -
I know, for I reside there;
My wings are clipped, my arms and legs
With ropes and chains are tied there;
So far away if someday
I found strength to make a sound,
Not a soul would hear me -
For there's not a soul around.
So, you see, this solitude
Is seemless by design,
This impenetrable fortress
Proves to stand the test of time.
Tuesday 11th June 2019 8:13 pm
I light another cigarette; I get so sick, I'm sick of it
I have another mental breakdown every time I try to quit
It isnt like I'm not aware that this is bad for me
I have so many thoughts, I need some time to stop and breathe.
I've spent the past six months trying to learn to love myself
But that's a struggle when the world has shown you something else.
I wake up every day with demons star...
Wednesday 5th June 2019 3:31 pm
I look at all of the people
Waiting for one of them to be you
And so they are.
Sunday 28th April 2019 10:03 am
Find their place atop the tangled lines
Timing is everything
These triangles will save your life.
Thursday 25th April 2019 7:32 pm
You have no idea,
I think, as I finish another line,
That this is all for you -
Wouldn't you be surprised.
Pages upon pages
In order of time...
So silence was never quite silence,
Monday 22nd April 2019 3:45 am
And then I feel weak,
And then I get angry,
And then I get stronger.
And you really don't have any idea,
And you really don't even know me anymore.
Monday 22nd April 2019 12:17 am
What you see is a soul
What you don't see
Is some times
Are so soul-crushing
Jarring and numbing
That I can hardly walk
Please make no mistake -
This was never easy
And though I have made so much progress,
I have gone through so much pain.
Sunday 21st April 2019 3:53 am
I thank you greatly
For taking away my power to speak
So that I had no choice
But to listen.
Saturday 20th April 2019 1:24 am
A fire you set, yet never to see
For years you had doused me with gasoline
You struck a match and chose to retreat
Deaf, beyond miles from my bloodcurdling screams.
And the fire did consume all of me,
The weeds, the flowers, the moss, the trees
Until smouldering piles of brush and leaves
Were all that was left - an ashen scene.
But an ashen scene to a human eye...
Thursday 11th April 2019 8:33 pm
If you were
To reread my words,
The very first,
Those that flowed so freely
From my pen
With then, unknown meaning,
You would find that
This was written in the stars...
Thursday 11th April 2019 8:18 pm
I love the ocean,
But I don't live at the beach.
I wish that I could -
Stand and watch the sea every evening,
Walk by the waves,
Smell the salt water,
Stare at the sunset.
At the ocean, I am home.
But the mountains are my home as well.
Wednesday 10th April 2019 3:11 pm
There are no words
For letting go.
Monday 8th April 2019 4:12 am
The hardest thing for me to do
Is cook pancakes.
I have made it through
Every day I make it through 6pm
I make it through the bad calls
I make it through smoke breaks
I make it through ice cream
But for the life of me,
I cannot cook pancakes.
Saturday 6th April 2019 12:51 pm
On my belly I crawled,
Dragging my languid extremities
Along the mud-caked floor,
Eyes dull and listless.
I caught my reflection
In a puddle of putrid water,
A blurry image soaking up the light
Between the grime and scum.
And it was there,
That stagnant place for so long I slithered
Hoping to run into you,
That the world hurled me into myself.
Wednesday 3rd April 2019 3:10 am
Staring blankly at the empty space in front of her.
"What have I got to lose?"
Tuesday 2nd April 2019 7:54 pm
Maybe these waves will always crash,
Creating the illusion of chaos.
Still I am learning
To sit peacefully among them
And allow the water to fall where it will,
Without the interference
Of my feeble metal buckets.
Tuesday 2nd April 2019 3:37 am
You should know
That I have found the answers
I didn't even know we had.
You should know that I found answers,
And that I know what I have to do,
Not just for me,
But for you.
I will fix it, gemello.
I made you a promise.
Anything for you.
Tuesday 12th March 2019 5:58 am
And so forgive me
If I cannot shake this,
If I cannot just let this go
And allow you the misery
That I cannot believe
You truly want for yourself.
Forgive me for the constant reminders,
For not just letting you be alone,
For I do not know what you want now
But I know what you believed then.
It would be a dishonor to deny
Any part of this.
And so again, forgive me
Because I ca...
Tuesday 12th March 2019 5:54 am
I have no way of telling you
That I am so, so sorry
For ever questioning you,
For ever wondering,
For ever doubting;
For I see so clearly now
What seemed so cloudy then.
You loved me so hard
In such an unparalleled manner
For such a long time.
You said to me, if I did not see it,
You had failed me yet again.
You need to know that I see it now.
I see it. I feel it. I am so sorry.
Tuesday 12th March 2019 5:51 am
I see your reflection
Floating in the water,
I visit your memory
In mirrored glass,
The tallest tower.
I acknowledge your presence
Walking beside me,
I know you are here
When the moon hangs
In the sky.
Tuesday 12th March 2019 5:31 am
Human life is absolutely a miracle to begin with.
So when somebody says, here is a heart, it has stopped beating. Here are your tools. Fix it. Bring back life.
Where do you even begin?
Eight sets of eyes staring at me,
I have one patient, one EMT, three firemen, four policemen, one family member.
Thursday 7th March 2019 6:11 am
Is this, then, the test?
To find when there is nothing,
Something still remains?
Tuesday 5th March 2019 11:18 am
I loved him
And he loved me
Until I loved me
And he loved he.
Monday 4th March 2019 3:48 am
I did so well
For so many weeks
Am I screaming at the windshield
Yelling your name like it's my final breath
Why now am I questioning,
Remembering every little detail
Why is it torturing me,
Burning my soul, why
Does your memory haunt me
When I wake, when I sleep,
On every drive home
Is the shadow of your presence following me
Why is it mocking my every move
Saturday 2nd March 2019 5:55 am
Rule number one:
Do no harm.
Just answer me,
How could you hold
Something so fragile
In your arms for so long,
And then just shatter it?
Thursday 28th February 2019 10:51 pm
And the further I run
The less I can breathe
But remembering you
I am nearly
Out of air
Tuesday 26th February 2019 10:19 pm
I used to hope you were doing okay.
Now I don't.
Now I hope you're fucking feeling it.
You see, my biggest mistake
Was loving you enough to allow you to live in complacency.
You would have stayed forever in that place of safety.
And even last week I found myself sad and hurting
Because you are sad and hurting,
But now I think, great.
Feel all of the fucking pain.
Maybe for on...
Sunday 24th February 2019 11:55 am
Now I am angry.
But that's what you wanted,
You wanted to piss me off
So much so that I would hate you,
Hate you like I said I never would.
For so long
That - kept me - from being angry.
Or maybe that really wasn't your reason after all,
Maybe you are a narcissistic sociopath,
Telling your goddamn lies to get what you wanted from me.
Are you fucking happy now?
Sunday 24th February 2019 11:31 am
I want you to know that I don't want to do this.
I want you to know that I never wanted it to be this way.
That I loved you with all of my heart.
That I would hold on forever if you let me.
But it has become painstaking clear
That I am holding on to something that is already long gone.
I cannot keep watching, waiting, listening
For a sound I will not hear, a time that will not come;
Thursday 21st February 2019 2:37 am
I saw you last night
Again in my dreams
We smiled and we hugged
And you held me but brief,
And when she called out for you,
I started to leave.
A few steps toward the door
But my soul turned around.
My body soon followed
Whilst your eyes searched the ground.
Wait, I demanded,
You don't understand
What you're throwing away
By not taking my hand.
Could you not feel the ...
Thursday 7th February 2019 10:52 am
If you have to hide,
Why can we not hide
In each other?
Saturday 2nd February 2019 11:20 pm
Every night, these dreams haunt me
But I must concede,
It is better to be haunted
And to see your face
Than to sleep without you
And to rest in peace.
Saturday 2nd February 2019 11:25 am
Take off your blindfold.
Although the darkness is familiar,
It is no place in which to spend your life.
Covering your eyes
May mask you from the rest of the world,
But it will not hide you from yourself.
The light will get through,
Saturday 26th January 2019 8:23 pm
No longer will I say
You did this to me.
For the rest of the world,
I will be strong.
I will be kind.
I will be present.
I will be compassionate.
I will be understanding.
I will be empathetic.
I will be courageous.
I will be intuitive.
I will be brave.
I will be everything
That you couldn't be
For me -
You did NOT
For the rest of the w...
Saturday 19th January 2019 2:29 pm
Please forgive me.
I have been hurt recently
And the wound is still fresh,
Raw, and bleeding.
But you should know that,
For it was you
Who tied my tourniquet.
But still I will love you
With all that I have left
Until the light burns out.
Thursday 17th January 2019 1:01 pm
He took a baseball bat to her heart
With complete disregard for her dreams;
He shattered her soul.
And when she looked up through broken glass
Night had turned to day again -
And the sky
Tuesday 15th January 2019 9:54 pm
Are filling in these empty holes
Oh so fast.
Have no idea
How much I need that right now.
Monday 14th January 2019 4:28 am
"You dropped this."
He picked up her heart
Holding it ever so gently,
And stretched his hand out toward her.
"No, I didn't.
I threw it away on purpose."
He asked simply.
"It is broken."
He pulled a bandage from his pocket.
His arm outstretched toward her once again,
"It is fixed."
Saturday 12th January 2019 3:13 am
I have tried
For so long
I understand now.
Do I understand now.
Monday 7th January 2019 6:35 am
Have been a bandage for me;
For my heart was broken recently.
And for that, my dear,
I thank you
Sunday 6th January 2019 10:03 am
Why, you ask me,
Why did you come back
To this place?
Come back? You don't understand.
I never left.
The people; I answer you,
Holding back thoughts and memories,
Afraid of showing just how much
Meaning You, and the others,
Have impacted my life.
I looked at the skyline again tonight,
The same skyline I stared at on my final call with...
Sunday 6th January 2019 9:56 am
I don't know how you could say you loved me like you did,
And then go on to break my heart like this.
I guess it was always me, loving you, after all,
Saturday 5th January 2019 7:31 am