Poetry Blog by Fred Varden

Recent Comments

Fred Varden on Ga Ga Rhyme (Sat, 27 Jul 2019 07:48 pm)

Hugo Paz on Ga Ga Rhyme (Thu, 25 Jul 2019 01:13 am)

Fred Varden on The Enemy Within (Wed, 10 Jul 2019 12:04 am)

eve nortley on The Enemy Within (Tue, 9 Jul 2019 07:25 pm)

Fred Varden on Blind Date (Mon, 8 Jul 2019 07:02 pm)

on Blind Date (Mon, 8 Jul 2019 04:15 pm)

Sophie Morley on Blind Date (Mon, 8 Jul 2019 03:16 pm)

Don Matthews on Norma Jean (Sat, 29 Jun 2019 11:57 pm)

Fred Varden on When did I sign up? (A Carers lament) (Sat, 29 Jun 2019 11:21 pm)

Devon Brock on When did I sign up? (A Carers lament) (Wed, 19 Jun 2019 11:29 pm)


Have you heard the latest rumour

About the Vicar and his Wife?

They got stuck in the crypt

no one there to assist

And it changed their whole outlook on life

You see with no one there to help them

And Devine intervention not seen

The Vicar chose not to pray to God 

But sought solace in a few G and Ts

So is the moral of this story

As we amble along in life's race

Is ...

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Claws tearing at the stinking mattress

A source of sustenance or rodent madness?

The urge to cause chaos, to scare, to shock

Water dripping down a filthy pipe blocked

Rats, rats the symbol of filth?

Rats, rats, won’t cure you they’ll kill

Running in packs, working hard to destroy

Everything that crosses their slimy paths

Vermin of the first degree, representing evil

To y...

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My Kind of Life

The life I knew is faded and skewed

In a way that even I didn’t expect

As along the way I start to collect

Memories sweet and those to detest

It’s as if the years have past and so

It leaves me in a place I just don’t know

Or recognise in shape or form

From those I remember since being born

I suppose that it’s my kind of life

The ups, the downs, the laughs and frowns


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Ga Ga Rhyme

Ga Ga romama

Poker face

She’s misplaced

Katy Perry

Mungo Gerry

Iggy Pop

Please don’t stop

Foo Fighters

All nighters

Fag lighters

Ga ga rhyme 

Rock and roll

Drill and soul

Rap and r ‘n b

Music mix


Breaks the mould

And man

it sets you free

The Urban Poet 2019


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The Enemy Within

No strategic plans in this battle
A war without guns or explosives
Yet many victims and casualties
Some succumb to its powerful draw
Others battle on defencelessly
Along the way they experience fear
dread of an endless existence bubble
A treadmill of pills and well wishes
A mountain of advice to climb
Even though it’s futile words again
Do they really understand the pain?
Is there compr...

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Blind Date

I’m late, I’m late
For a very important date
I don’t mind you see
If it’s a blind date or three
‘Cos I prefer not to know
What she looks like and so
I just turn up, give her a sultry look
and then hope for the best
(You can imagine the rest)

Now in me minds eye
She’s a looker, that’s why
I always prefer, to buy flowers for her 
But I’ve had too many shocks
Like a bird with Botox

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Norma Jean

First day of June in twenty six

Blonde bombshell born

will star in many flicks

Childhood spent in foster care

but stood out from the crowd

especially her hair,

her beauty and so much so

she was popular with the guys

who all wanted to know

who she was, where was she from?

Where did she tarry?

At sixteen though

she went and got married


Oh Norma Jean your s...

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When did I sign up? (A Carers lament)

The stress the strain and endless pain

Is normal in a world where sun is rain

Where white is black

and you daren’t look back

or answer when they say “hey what’s up?”

When was it that for all this I signed up?


Don’t get me wrong I do the caring

not for money or gifts but for love and sharing,

and promises I made on that special day

but hey!  When did I sign up for th...

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Can’t sleep at night
wake up with the light
I’m crabby, angry
and up for a fight
The night before
I slept on’t floor
To try and change
the old routine 
It worked at first
but things got worse
when I needed a leak
and the floorboards creaked
I tossed and turned
So I made a brew
Grilled a slice or two
but me toast got burned
and me plans were spurned
There was nothing else for it

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Who is this please?

Forty more years with nothing to show
Only fragmented memories to join together 
The past behind so just go with the flow
Keep it safe, don’t push it, can’t live forever

Who is this please?
In this cellophane dream?
Is it you, or is it me?
Promise me that I’ll soon be free
From a hazy world I can barely see
Who is this please?

Trying to establish connections to gaps
In time and spac...

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True Friends

True friends laugh
when you laugh
Cry when you hurt
Know your favourite colour
The cut of your skirt (or shirt)
They feel when your down
And know when it’s real
See all the signs when
you’ve had a rough deal
When you’re far apart
Their best wishes they send
You know it’s genuine ‘cos
It’s from a really true friend

The Urban Poet 2019


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Boring little old Me

I’m not radical, controversial or bad
UnInteresting, a mess, or completely mad
I admit to sometimes being the sad
Boring little old me

I’m not a Goth, gay, a punk or a follower 
of any group, icon, not a self pity wallower
I’m not big, or tall or tiny like a Borrower
I’m just boring little old me

I’ve never been trapped in
Or had secrets in a closet
Been in a bank and tried to rob it

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The Goal

The happiness of all mankind is the goal
In any type of war we become someone else
You’re not you anymore, you will never again be you,
once you have taken a life,
or violated someone or something 

You wake up the following morning
and you’re still you,
realising that it was you all along
This person who could act or react under orders
to help facilitate the goal of all mankind
The goa...

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On This Day

Nigel’s feeling cock a hoop

The others are having to regroup

The vote is done, we’ve had our say

It’s still not June but it’s the end of May

The Tories look towards Mr Johnson

So don’t worry Jeremy just carry on son

Cable Guy’s pleased, his term almost finished

So his group will probably soon diminish

UKIP looks a ghost of it’s former self

And CHUK with Chuka is left on ...

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The 24/7 365 Cell

Twenty four seven, three six five
Before imprisonment I felt alive
Free to do whatever I wanted
Without any fear or disappointment

Now I’m a slave and no longer free
Controlled by a screen and a PCB
It’s got that way that I can’t let it go
Every fact and answer I need to know

I used to have pets, a cat and poodle 
Now I touch and stroke my Google
It’s my closest companion from dawn t...

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Set ‘em up Joe (tribute to Doris Day)

Oh Doris the songs of joy you gave us

and the fabulous movies you graced

I was Bewitched by your Precious Love

As we were Making Whoopie on

The Black Hills of Dakota,

whilst on a Sentimental Journey.


Night and Day you were the Teachers Pet

Oh Close your Eyes and Fly me to the Moon

Move over Darling and let us share our Secret Love

once again.


I will sing you...

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Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor

Soon to be lauded by writers and singers

A media eruption as soon as you were born

People talking about you from dusk till dawn

Something worth celebrating across the world

In honour of you flags will be unfurled.

The Urban Poet 2019

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Eclectic Mix

Wide ranging


Universal and






Non exclusive


Broad based



All embracing 





Many sided





and Inclusive

An eclectic cocktail 

The Urban Poet 2019

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Four Lines

A four line ditty for my young lady so pretty.

So beautiful, oh your complexion, your eyes!

Your are stunning, very intelligent and witty

I really wish I was like you and didn’t tell lies.

The Urban Poet 2019

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Parenting can be a joy

Whether bringing up a girl or boy

It can also be hard, it is no lie

Especially when you’re sleep deprived

But don’t lose heart and have no fear

It only lasts for twenty five years!

The Urban Poet 2019

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I do Ron Ron

Well for the sake of the story,

let’s call him Ron

Didn’t meet him on a Monday

nor did my heart stand still.

Just a good old fashioned,

uncomplicated relationship,

oops sorry, meant complicated


We were in love, (or so he told me)

I was the only one for him (the lying b......)

He made me feel so very special

(you have to fake it sometimes)

We were an imperfect ...

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Rhymes and Reasons

Lines set out in rhyme In time

with beats and rhythm

in metre sweet

To connect, correct

Inform, pour scorn

Create and form, adorn, purloin  

“Am I bothered ” you said

they can tread on me

rat a tat on me, betray me

Sticks and stones they say

and that’s the way

I deal with it all

stand tall, don’t take a fall

for any dude who tries to be rude

‘cos it’s wate...

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Mistaken Identity

All these years I’ve known this person 

Every thought, habit, word and intention 

The personal struggles of mind and body

Beliefs, experiences, natural, spiritual,

emotional and even transformational

The way they adapted to every twist, turn and bump,

in a long road to adulthood and beyond

Reinventing a personality along the way

to match what was bowled in their direction


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Save Carrington Moss

A huge threat hanging over sheer beauty,

As the planners see it all as their duty,

to allow fat cats to trick them with compromise,

in order to see pound signs in each other’s eyes.

Governments will come and some will go,

but the beauty of our countryside

will continue to glow, with stunning new discoveries every day, and that’s one reason why we have to have  our say,

on matt...

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Plans for the future

Plans for the present

Planned by councils

Not with the residents

They know better

than us you see

They are the experts

To them we’re like trees

That blow hot and cold

In the political wind,

until our voices are

completely dimmed

By the length of time 

The process takes

Apathy kicks in

and it all goes away

The bulldozers

then a...

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Mothers Ruin

Trouble brewing

Mothers ruin

Gin and tonic


Filled with ice

Oh and a slice

of lemon in

and round the rim

to give it flavour

Just the one?

Do me a favour!

There’s pink gin

Orange gin

Elderflower too

Plum, vanilla, Rhubarb

To name but a few

Gordon’s, Greenall’s and Whitley Neil

Beefeater, Hendrick’s

Gin’s the real deal!

So when you g...

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It would have happened anyway

Remember the time you forgot your lines
In that play you were in at the village hall
The crowd got angry and chucked pork pies
In the air, on the ceiling and up the walls
It would have happened anyway

We went out on a date and we got back late
You suggested a coffee to round things off
But I explained that I’d got a lot on me plate
You took it the wrong way and binned me off
It would ha...

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Recipe for Disaster?

Remember to double check all ingredients

Take everything with a pinch of salt

However it turns out, it’s never your fault

Just stick to the recipe and be obedient 

Ensure the work area is clean and dry

Then decide whether you grill or fry

If at first there’s no success then just try


Firstly take a person on face value

Sprinkle with trust and a little TLC

Add hope, d...

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Build the Wall!

Another day at Trump Towers, whatever Donald does,

he comes up smelling of flowers

Because he’s the head of a major world power

Build the wall!


Some say he’s had a serious makeover

As hairstyles go it’s a huge combover,

now Is he white or is he foreign?

Maybe the future’s bright,

and the futures orange?

Build the wall!


Trump’s had meetings with Kim Yong- Un


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Memories worth Forgetting

Memories are made of this?
You must be joking stop taking the mick
They say that little things mean a lot
But you say in my case, definitely not

Remember that day when we first met
In the bookies when you were ‘avin a bet
One place short of an each way double 
When your nag pulled up with bladder trouble
The others all raced down the home straight, 
By the time yours had a pee it was fa...

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Sonetto Romantico

Orange grove fragrances dominate my senses

Seville’s humid heat almost overpowers

Landscape appears through tangerine lenses

Revealing meadow adorned with multiple flowers 


Alcazar de Sevilla with courtyard and towers

Is where we met, albeit by pure chance

In a single fleeting second, seeming like hours

We immediately recognised instant romance


Unadulterated passi...

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Between a Rock, the Devil and the deep blue sea

A rock, a hard place, an impossible choice
A voice of reason or one of despair?
The stark realisation that you have no voice
As you concede defeat on a road to nowhere.

Around in circles your thoughts and feelings
The pro’s and cons continually revisited
Over and over, back and forth, looking for solutions but with options limited.

Between the Devil and the deep blue sea
A rock and a h...

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Driving Miss Maisie

Mirror, signal, manoeuvre

Make sure you have the appropriate shoes on

Ease off the clutch when your ready to go

It’s not a race but don’t go too slow,

or they’ll fail you for not keeping

up with the flow.


It’s called not making normal progress you see

You can even overtake a car or three,

provided you take due care and attention

Not everything in the Highway Code


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What’s more Important?

What’s more important than ambience

and mood, at a point where your about

to eat gourmet food?

What’s more confusing than legal jargon

When you’re trying to increase that profit margin?


The red tape and rules are surely for fools

In this day and age,

where like minded people

are on the same page,

and those that are not, just don’t give a jot

about what is importa...

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I fell in love with a Senior Citizen

I fell in love with an older woman

Well when I say old, I mean, older than me

Now I know what you’re thinking,

that can’t possibly be,

but that’s where you’re wrong 

cos she’s a hundred and three


Ok, so what’s the attraction?

Money or looks?

Her experience and intelligence?

You’re all on tenterhooks,

‘cos you want me to give you all ‘t gory bits,

and your conv...

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🎵Oh battery hen, oh battery hen

Oh when will you be free again?

Let’s stick a human in the cage

and watch him cry and shout with rage


Yes watch him cry and shout with rage

How does he like being in a cage?


Oh battery hen, oh battery hen

let’s make you all free range again🎵🎵

The Urban Poet 2019

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Questions and Answers

Is the answer to the question acceptable?

Does the question deserve an answer?

If I ask you to be honest will you hear me out?

Or is it going to be distractions, deflections?


There’s a pattern emerging here, that fills my heart

with fears, doubts, what’s this all about?

Answer the questions, don’t counter with another question,

it gives me verbal indigestion 



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Pierre de Paris

Pierre de Paris acted wild and free

so much so, that it resembled a show

when he turned up in town, causing

ladies to cry, and their siblings to frown


With cane in hand and moustache finely honed,

he cut quite a dash in those pinstriped

clothes, suits, blazers and jacket with tie

It was like mix and match, apple meets pie


An eye for the ladies Pierre did have 


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Doorstep Beauty

Broadleaved woodland spreads alongside

open meadow, wetland and arable farmland

Cereal and vegetable, thriving in abundance, 

in this gem to the eye of the beholder.


They are sheltered by their taller friends:

Oak and poplar

Cherry and birch

Rowan, Willow, Larch and Pine

I wish these were all friends of mine

Conifer, Hemlock

Sycamore and Maple

Standing tall li...

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They talk often of life’s own cross roads

when it becomes that time you need to unload

Problems, situations, mistakes and more

You may have done things differently

that’s for sure.

If it hadn’t been for obstacles in the way

Another life you may have had today

But hey, we are we are, and it’s a fact

Is what you tell yourself, it’s all part of the act

In convincing yoursel...

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Loss of balance feeling sick

Wondering if I’ll get over it

Room spinning, severe attack

Can’t make out where anything’s at

Loss of balance, can this be real?

It’s like living inside a Ferris wheel

that speeds up and then slows down

Leaves my system whirring around

My head, my brain, my thoughts a blur

What’s happening to me? it’s getting worse 

People think that I’ve ...

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Sat Navigation

You need me on every journey
To show you the way you should go
Without my expert direction
An A to Z you would have to follow
Navigation, I’m Sat navigation

My voice can be changed in an instant
I can be whoever you want
A man who is very assertive
Or a girl with sweet dulcet tones

For drivers I’ve solved all their problems 
No need to ever get lost
unless you’ve not updated my syst...

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I’m a footie fan!

I’m a man, I’m a man

I’m a football fan

everything else you can keep

Football’s what I eat and drink

No need for any sleep

That’s only wasting precious time

For me to tweet about that team of mine

Or watch ‘em on the box with a beer

Don’t ask macho me to drink any wine


I’m very sporting, win, lose or draw

It don’t matter to me if I bust someone’s jaw

In a figh...

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I knew it wouldn’t happen!

It came we saw
We waited with open jaw
How it could it change
our lives for bad or good?
When division prevented 
the plan to work
the way that it should?
We voted, the country split
Democracy then ruled over it
Time has passed
still no agreement 
The debate goes on
It’s like bereavement 
As things look dead
In the water that’s true
But in any case...
Does it bother me and you?
I ...

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Parody for the Homeless

(To the tune of ‘Star Man’)

Didn’t understand, I had nowhere to go, oh oh

Out on the streets in the freezing cold oh oh

Every man for himself is golden rule you see


My only shelter was a cardboard box oh yea

The trash my restaurant fending off a fox

and then, I’d lay my head and sleep with one eye open, thinking...


It’s a hard life living on the streets

Some peopl...

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When things are at their lowest point

And life seems harder day by day

When you’re in need of encouragement 

And someone to help you see a way

You don’t expect it to be made worse

Then wonder “hang on am I cursed?”

For trying my best for those I love

Then hating myself for crying out

The Urban Poet 2019

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Where do you belong?

In the big city amongst municipal concrete 

Along a rugged coastline, rocks protruding 

Within a deprived enclave, bereft of tears

No apparent progress for years and years 

Where do you belong?


Breathing clean country air out in the sticks 

Near woodland or forest with healthy walks

In a has-been village where coal was mined

Where in desperation people turn to crime


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On a Knife Edge

Crimes involving knives

Affecting peoples lives

Senseless reasons why

young people sometimes die

At the hand with icy blade

Too late the price is paid


A tragedy avoidable?

An issue or conundrum?

Is knife education working

from Edinburgh to London?

Is this a sign of the times?

Statistics, rising crime?

A social problem?

A youth rebellion?

To reasons we...

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