Poetry Blog by Collin Pulmano

I was a little disappointed in my memory today

Turns out one book was two books

Though probably because the events of the second book

Could have fit at the end of the first

Ahhh, editing

Research ruins childhoods

A movie you loved

When you were small

Watched with adult eyes

Oh, God, it's horrible

Hollywood doesn't ruin childhoods

It just displays the bad taste

W...

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I almost forgot

A late,  lazy day

Water's fresh 

Soup's away

Plan to play

It's all so quick 

To end

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All my power dims

In apocalyptic dreams

But I dig through the bins

The baby has to eat

Already dressed

But can't carry the seat

Have to use the jacket

A makeshift dream

They always come around and again

When I feel the doom knocking

Don't know which step to take

Just observing makes it change

Where in this reality

Could I ever be safe

The truth from my min...

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I hate it's the first thing I think

Hangover lingering from my dreams 

There is no response to my error

Just me,  feeling the disgust

Of my brain wanting for me

The cause is so straightforward 

It almost always is

But I have a secret star

And it guides out of the tempting dim

It's aided with glows from all sides

No's in various forms of logic

Unrealistic,  creepy, ...

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Madness is nice revisted in thrift

It was home to me once 

but now it is just a den

Of words that are spoken

To pass the time

Still too much fear of being open

Despite decades in lines

I wish it didn't make me so sad

I wish that line didn't seem so bland

But truly what else is there to say 

I see you, I love you 

But you are wasting away

Trivial pursuits

Why ...

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A slow drive in a familiar battle

And the quickest switch

It was such a subtle rememberance

But it opened the gates locked against you

How swiftly we forget

When years hammer down our grudges

How quickly was my descent

Into my own trapped madness

But that day

All those days

Windows down 

Music flooding swiftly out

My head on your shoulder

Your hand on mine

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Finding your dreams are just sand between your fingers

And your disappointments are your stars

Sitting at the table with the Waltons dearly singing

Of Mary Pickford and the warmth you feel inside

Belonging is the source

It's always the seed

The temptations that breed from lonliness

You find yourself wondering

Who you even are

What's the point of the chase

When the cha...

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This day

So many celebrate

But in between complain 

Give them holidays

And they're content to stay

Stagnate and play

Why complain?

I just want change. 

I want to fight

I want to see us choose

Choose what is right

You want rights? 

Then fight. 

You can't demand your rights

Then take away theirs

Everyone even

Everyone same

Everyone allowed

To pla...

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I've been trying to fish with nothing but pain

It's not working very well,  go figure

I've been trying to remind myself again

I'm here,  it's okay,  you don't need a single thing

I don't need any little thing

What is this bitterness,  then? 

I ask myself driving home

Staring into the eyes in the windshield

Why does your heart hurt? 

Why does my heart hurt? 

It's nothi...

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Skating around the jagged edge

I think I'm hoping I'll fall in

It's just subconscious, I tell myself

It's just my silly psychosis screaming 

I'll never be satisfied being myself

If I want to be am I? 

Can I simply choose my life 

What in this world makes me so fallen

Failing to pursue the visions in my mind

Two in the morning and I was just twelve

Dressing and fantasi...

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The simplicity of reading in bed

An old habit that has become novelty

Would that I always had a peaceful hour

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Hands shaking so much

Is it time now? 

My heart is failing 

I'm sinking

I don't mind

No mind

No deep,  dark feeling 

It's not healing

I can end it

Just cut it from my heart

I want to rip it from my heart

Why does it linger?

I'm saying no

It's all just fiction,  anyway

Please,  just leave me alone

It's not what I want

It's not

No,  no,  no

How c...

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I have the feeling again

I need to bleed these words out of me

Now that I have reached that age

Spoken of with such pain and rage

Sitting here tippity-tap

Oh, what is it, dear?

It's me, it's me,

It was always me

And that is my deepest fear

What do we want

When we are so very small

Every coo, every crawl

Is a mountainous haul

And the cheers, oh they come!

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Slamming into my middle years

There has been a question that 

Has chased me incessantly

What do I want? 

What DO I want? 

For a while I was okay with I don't know

Or maybe

The world will show me

But lately it's become clear to me

Exactly what it is 

And the very excitement of seeing clearly

Has opened up my fear

Let it splay itself upon the concrete

Where it ...

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I'm telling myself again, just a few more years

Stop, start, stop again

Pay it off, start again

Just a few more years

It's what I want, I just didn't want it enough before

When it was easy

It felt as if I was cheating

Just a few more years

I think I have served my sentence now

My moral prison of self-doubt

I can handle going out in the world

I have what I need now ...

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So what are you going to do 

Now that it's for sure 

The bridge has been pulled down

Lumped up

And burned

What are you going to do 

Huh

You gonna let it go now 

Back to the nothing

Back where it belongs

Separate from who you are 

Because you are so much more

Don't let it dishearten you, honey

It really wasn't worth it

And you know what

You didn't give i...

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I can't trust the lightning in my mind

It's a little crazy and tries to unwind

Anything that makes sense that keeps me safe

It cares but it rather not play

Why can't I be fine 

No

Why can't I be happy? 

No no no

It's the pathways

The networks

They'd die without the pain

Dry up with stability

They need the adventure of the risk

That what you fear will be right...

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I'm not sure I have a sword strong enough to fend off the axe

I only have the arsenal of time spent slack

I have only armor made of pretty wax

Scented like the yellow glitter roll-on 

I'm no one's sap

I'm a sap for all

Everything has its value

Everything has its flaws

I just get nervous when I argue 

Can't we all get along

Do I have to slice a scar

Down from your e...

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I've been asking myself a question, lately 

About what it is that I want

Because when I look inside myself

I see no aspirations of fame

No want for success 

Instead I see the plates of food I fixed

The worn pages of books I've read

I see a bright day and tall clouds

The wind blowing the pollen 

The sunlight cutting through

I see trees gnarled and thick,  muddy paths

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I have everything just right in my hand 

Everything I've ever had 

And I just don't want to be who my parents were

I don't want to know the mistakes and still make them

This is that time where time is giving me a grin

Superficial and evil and fun and filled

With the thought of endless happiness 

If only I fall

Fail and believe 

The tempting of the dream

The dream that...

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