Poetry Blog by Collin Pulmano

I've been asking myself a question, lately 

About what it is that I want

Because when I look inside myself

I see no aspirations of fame

No want for success 

Instead I see the plates of food I fixed

The worn pages of books I've read

I see a bright day and tall clouds

The wind blowing the pollen 

The sunlight cutting through

I see trees gnarled and thick,  muddy paths

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I have everything just right in my hand 

Everything I've ever had 

And I just don't want to be who my parents were

I don't want to know the mistakes and still make them

This is that time where time is giving me a grin

Superficial and evil and fun and filled

With the thought of endless happiness 

If only I fall

Fail and believe 

The tempting of the dream

The dream that...

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So today I'm trying not

To be overzealously mean

I'm working on my politeness

My acceptance of irritable behavior

My unreasonable expectations

They only make me angry

And I hate being angry

It  causes me to attack

and attack and attack

relentlessly and cruelly

attack and attack

All my frustration and violence

Depression piling in my chest

It's giving me pnuem...

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If I ever talk my way down 

I know I'll land

on soft ground, slightly bleeding

The world is grumbling

and my eyes see a beauty long imagined

to be perfect yet is so far now

the lives hiding the flaws

I wonder if I'll ever see those rolling hills

the moss so ancient begging for the sea 

and the meat in the pot

a sizzling stew

and they are burdened by the hue of a sk...

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Things smell so good

It's my happiness and they all

lay down ready for bed

my eyes are definitely read

and the distortion is continuous

pleasing

a car

a metaphor

maybe innuendo

I feel so helpless when it is not right

and water, I dream of water

around, surround, steaming out in clouds

and your eyes

flourescent in the light

your smile a bared bit of intensi...

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It's blurry most times, my

bitter memories of a lonely

childhood on a leash my 

head hung up on being loved

and accepted by anyone that

I never questioned

the world around me only

listened to the summary then 

upon my realization of an 

infinite probability

my burdens not real, fabricated

I'm out and not squashed

and hated these words with

not but still they ...

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My wine glass doesn't fit in the cup holder

My happy meal has the same old toy

I thought I was ok with older

But I'm devastated

Cinnamon sass

Sarcasm was your art

Your heart so much bigger

Than the best fed panther in the park

There's no missing

You're always here

I have every crackling word

Every growling laugh

Every smarmy sweater

Every holiday passed

Fo...

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My frustration never ends

It butts in like a question

And Tuesdays are so blind

To my hopeless, heedless mind

I want to fall 

Into your endless, open

Wall of discomfort

Front seat never looked inviting

But I enjoyed the thought

Of sitting there anyway

I don't want to stand in front

I wanna catch it on fire

From below

There's no show I want to see

Or be I j...

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Not thinking is fun

It makes me a bum

I like to be a bum

A bum having fun

Not thinking

Ergh, oooh, errr, umhrm

I'm not mad

Because I don't care

The world spins

Money is spent

The world has a dent

I do not care

You're only in trouble if you think you are

You're only a failure if you think you are

I'm gonna think I'm in the clouds

Watching ...

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All they want is me

In this late, slow morning

Dim and cool and simple

The lights off and show running

It's enough, always enough

And that should keep me good

So all I need is to ignore those things

Attacking outside my door

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Zen zen breathe breathe

I'm supposed to see the flow and chill

The maker makes the writer fails

I'm supposed to let that go as well

I want nothing and nothing will still

Chase me down and bite my heels

If I'm wrong, I'm wrong and wrong is but

Nothing if nothing is always a rut 

So I can just wait it out

Let my heart beat and shout

And hopefully quickly burn itself out

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It burns again this time too deep

And in it the angry grows and steeps

It controls the mind and makes it worn

And with each corrosion of my sanity

With every severed sinew of logic

The fear churns into a thickening layer

That snaps back quicker

And harder 

And sharper

I want to let it go

To let the anger flow

Through my shoulders and down to my toes

To the groun...

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What can I say that doesn't have fangs

Dripping poison on open wounds

Pain put in the simplest sense

Torturing myself to make amends

What can I say?

What can I say?

Nothing will make it go away

It returns a torrential rain

Pounding inside of me

A feeling I'm helpless 

Worthless

Few

And new

Staring at myself I get the shock

How long life is 

How short th...

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The heat is back

Thick and furious

A sea of uncomfortable pressure

An atmosphere of humid torture

It thrives on energy farmed from bodies

Tugging our bones through our skin.

In spring it is so gentle

A friend gone for a while

But back and just as charming

As they ever were in the past

But with familiarity breeds the discomfort

Of growing suffocation and untended ne...

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The clover is blooming

Like blood in the hills

Hungry beauty of summer

Its early impatient pace

I have the thought

That these routines are breaking

That not so far from now I'll have 

a different best time

Because this early sweet

Late lazy spring

Will have drastic changes

No borders between extremes

I want this forever yet that is insane

This forward movemen...

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Hey, now, it has happened so fast 

Slowly over the years slipping through the past

All of us now assigned, all of us concerned

With the everyday of all day of working so hard

Because we have to move, move, move, 

We have to make those ends

We have to make sure we're not looked down on 

So we spend all of our time

So we can buy all the trends

So our children can learn 

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And the line from that song is my reassurance in life

 That all is ok and alright and live now

and then I just watch as unbidden

I spiral back around and then I'm lost and then I'm here

Can't I just go just let go just calm down

Can't I just watch and listen and live in my round

And here it is, my mind is just unsound

Burdened by my future that is running afoul 

It's not a ...

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My mind is in the mud.  

My mind is in the swirling vortex of unfortunate depression due to the realization that the world needs to be put in the corner. 

I wish my species would graduate, instead of lounging around seventh grade.  Petty arrogance and grievances and arguments over place.  

Dictatorship never seemed so reasonable.  Just listen to Cassandra.  

Don't kill.  Don't judge.  ...

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I realized today that realizing my dreams

Means very, very different things

Than when I was young and in my head

and there was glory and fame and awards 

The older I get the more I feel

that Jimmy was right and hearts are hard to find

and that those up top are as human as me

And with their advantages come other things

That get in the way of what I have 

I want to hold it...

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So, what the hell are we all supposed to do?  Well.... nothing.  Not do a single friggin' thing.  Because thinking that we are all out to get each other only makes us want to get at each other. Stop worrying, and start appreciating.  That's the only way out of this mess.  Care more about other people than yourself.  Stop taking everything personally. Stop believing politicians.  Stop buying boxed ...

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I see it close it is going to happen and all the while I will let it go for trying to stop it will roll over me and all of myself will fall and down in through depths of pain and pulling up out and now and again I will fight to push back up through the weight that holds my knees locked away until I will no longer serve a purpose that is a mistake to reach I have to resist and find out why and why ...

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In my morning not so early

I find still the house is quiet

My dreams are washed away for all their violence

The film before perhaps but also the news

Do triggers even matter 

And my daughter asks why they always have to make the endings so sad

My smile reflects

Because that is how life is sometimes

Do we not have hope

Is there nothing to look forward to except the end

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I chose to delete once before

But decided to try again

Social media seems so much more interesting

Than endless rounds of freecell

But between every post of a friend

Is a reminder of the world and how it ends

Of all the evil and rudeness and sin

Decadent glory of our own destruction

So I'm thinking of deleting again

Maybe

But of course I could just soldier on

La la...

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I guess I'm older now, though I'm not sure it means as much as it used to. Now it just means death is closer when it used to mean my life was over and once it meant it had almost begun. Age is something I'm learning to ignore. A useless outward ticking off of calendar days.  There are benefits of the mind that accent the yang of the process, and I like my stripe of grey.   I think I'm handling it ...

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Watching the dark turn to purple, pink, then light

Waiting is not as bad with this perspective in mind

Of course an easy route would take away the time

But here we are and we're okay I think you'll be just fine

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The music plays as we travel

And again I see them dancing in my mind

Am I them and are they me

Or like the joke you told does it matter

I just see them swirl in the dark 

Their scarves trailing and arms flying

The notes guiding and rhythms timing

Oh I dance in my mind so much

And out of it as long as no one is watching

And the tune fills my blood so rich with want

Tha...

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This isn't really poetry

This is me trying to not fall

Trying to convince myself that my mistake

Will one day mean nothing at all

But right now all I want is darkness

To take away my sight

Because in my eyes is her pretty fur

And I can still feel

Her warmth and gentle weight

As she used me for a cushion

And I loved her for her faith

But I've killed her

I feel it...

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The beauty of the neighborhood would only be strengthened

By the sound of the laughter of the children whose clothes are hanging

Drying and soaking up air and sunlight

Gently swaying in soft air

I'm dreaming of laying on their bright grass

Stretched out and purring between the blades

I'd hope they would not think it strange

When I say

Red doors hold such beauty

Open door...

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As I walk through the woods I spy The very center of my bitter eye I fight it uselessly Wishing its death I move it gently Spying its breath Hold me, forest, with your wide green arms Tell me my lies with sweet, gentle whistles I am good, I swear, only here to please But the fun is so fun and only a tease Bring me closer to mother in the dirt Let me hide this miserable mirth I cry beca...

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So, you realize that everything is falling downhill

You realize you are helpless and bound by the shackles of society

You realize that you spend your time

So you can spend money 

So you can waste your time

That while all of this distracts you

Children are being tortured and killed

Families are being ripped apart

Violence pervades both in reality and in entertainment

Igno...

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I feel it is a pressure inside me.

Eating me away.

And what is it for but man made hubris.

Proving I know the rules of the game.

If I can not care anymore.

If I can act like it is fleeting.

I can win over my despair.

I can believe all things will clear. 

It is an illusion.

One so grand.

One created.

To help so few but then, 

also to burden

So many with care.

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The time has come when my sweaters don't seem so strange.

I appreciate this time greatly. 

My littlelest boy in his tiny, long-sleeved frog pajamas. 

My littlelest girl in her plaid and sweatshirt. 

In my mind that song plays over and over.

The leaves fall in the sound. 

My happiness returns with the colder weather. 

My anticipation of excitement expounds.

They in their war...

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Writing first to feel the void

Made by my lately lack of choice

Mind numbing bitters bought and mailed

I tell myself I am different

Yet I keep participating in the soulless temptations

I tell myself I can do it

And yet here I sit sugary and sedentary

What's the point in this

To keep trying I guess

Maybe at the end I'll see the best

How I wanted and worked to make it b...

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Expect me to show and not really do anything, 

Cuz' my job is just to be obnoxious. 

I won't add just cheer and throw glitter.

So don't act like I'm supposed to matter. 

What in the world is the point of making a living.

All it is does is bring me down. 

I don't want to follow the rules on the paper. 

I wanna' rip them apart and burn them to ash. 

Look, over there, I see al...

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I'm burning just like the song said I would. 

I hold you in high regard. 

I want this to be the end and the all. 

And so far I've gotten what I want. 

But misery is just like a habit. 

And I wear it every day with my earrings. 

They say it all will pass, 

but never tell you when. 

How frustrating is it then.

Comforted by clucking hens. 

I want you. I want you. 

Jus...

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I found out yesterday that all this time

I've wasted my focus on things I am not

For I am a poet however unorthodox and unsound

I am a poet, whether I want it or not

So yesterday I began to write

My words in short phrases and lines

I ignored punctuation and laughed at rhymes

I made a point to trust my mind

Now I know, bad poet or not, 

A poet I am for better or...

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Islands below of eternal wishes

Held by the bounds of the damned

Aching hearts bleeding and building in layers

Despair the piles upon piles of naught

What bitter thoughts trip into the air

Twisting and lighting in chemical flair

And I am just an observer

Condemned to be by my dreams

Cross-legged on the boating ramp

Falling into the sea

Their eyes are so round and...

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Anger unfiltered and unfettered and stark;

Black little words against the bright white dark.

Recesses of the corners of so many rooms 

and posted again and about in the gloom. 

I have no worries because I can't be found. 

I have no qualms releasing the hounds,

no matter how deadly and bitter and bleak.

I am here to feed off the weak.  

I am the ether that consumes your...

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My little girl likes to be hugged more than you

She enjoys lack of space

She likes to paint herself

And twirl with grace

But giggles madly

And shows her worst face

My little girl likes to smile

And bat her eyes like a pro

She knows her sister's sadness

She knows her little brother's madness

She knows how to make us all smile

She knows she's the sweetest of all

M...

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