Poetry Blog by Brian Maryon (2018, Life)

The 'x' on my keyboard isn't working

so no sex on the beach in Sussex

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Uncle Seamus was quite infirm

and couldn't get up the stairs

So he lived and slept in the living room

but still managed two affairs

The first with a local widow

who set his heart on fire

the second one more ambitious

with the Malvern Hills Girls Choir

He kept himself quite healthy

though his hygiene wasn't best

just washing round the edges

of his sweat-...

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Here they come in droves,

the humble pot boilers 

to worship at the feet 

of the traitorous elite

with hair pulled out in clumps 

in frustration at those

unable to muster 

the inspiration to rise 

above the level of lacklustre 

Now nowhere to be found,

The Enterprising have packed up their teepees 

and headed for a happier hunting ground

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If you're a victim of knife crime in Southwark

you know when you're being attacked,

but across the Thames in Westminster

they'll stab you in the back

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Royal baby

I don't mean maybe

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The man on the London Eye said

"this is what you wanted,

just pick the choice you want to make,

we're keen to know your views,

we'll tell you which to choose"

The man on the Clapham omnibus

had nothing much to lose.

He thought it through carefully

before he made his choice,

grateful to be given voice

The London Eye man was annoyed

and urged him to think a...

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I'm watching Gandhi on telly

as there isn't much else to do

I'm finding it very enjoyable,

I can't wait for Gandhi 2

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Cod and prawns

in a white wine and

crème fraîche sauce

with leeks and fennel

Simmer for ten minutes

Serve with ciabatta bread

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He sang of pleasure and regret

and a girl whose face

he may not be able to forget,

but it's him we remember today,

and if there is a heaven he'll be there

singing and dancing

in the old-fashioned way

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Utopian dream

Jeremy wins election

Dystopian Scream

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Utopian dream

Jeremy wins election

Dystopian scream

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At a place near us called Smite

there's an Irish gypsy site

Avoid the place by day

and stay well away at night

cos just for the craic, out of you,

they'll kick the fecking shite

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The flight back was uneventful

We took off on time,

there was nothing to do

so I made up this rhyme

The flight food was unappealing

I just had a cup of tea

It cost two pounds ten

but only worth 20p

Always a queue for the loo

so I gave it a miss

then at Bristol Airport

I had a long piss

We waited forever for our cases

The belt broke down

so w...

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My wife became fused to her lounger

after using excessive lotion

I considered just leaving her there

but had to forget this notion

when I remembered she had our safe key

secreted in her bikini

and had to get Maintenance

to come and cut her free

The ordeal left her quite distressed

She walked as if in a daze

but it didn't stop her spending

my euros, at El Corte Ingl...

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My wife says I'm cruel

I feel such a fool

I kicked her towel in

the infinity pool

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Poolside in Santa Ponsa

topping up my tan

The wife won't stop complaining,

she wants to go to Cannes

But Cannes is too expensive

when you're living on a pension

which I explained using two words

I wouldn't care to mention

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Walking on eggshells

Tinkering at the edges

Watered down Brexit

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