Poetry Blog by Brian Maryon

No Spitting, No Gouging

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Home from holiday

Back in Britain 

A country divided

Not by the usual things such as football

We're all flying flags and wearing waistcoats now


And there's no longer a north-south split,

not now they've got their powerhouse

and the midlands has its engine

Besides, the north starts at Luton now


It used to be religion    

Christians and non-believers


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Mrs Maryon's Holiday


She gets on her lounger at 9

and doesn't get off till 5

Sometimes I have to poke her

to check that she's still alive


But what if she does stop breathing?

What would I do if she's dead?

Should I rush to re-marry

or just get a parrot instead?


Let's face it, they don't eat as much

They're less of a pain

and easier to train





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El Hotel

Currently in Corralejo

Weather is warm and dry

The hotel has a gym and spa

which I can't be arsed to try


I lie on my lounger and fry

Have a swim in la piscina

Not looking forward to going home

to the likes of Keith and Tina

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Three Lions on the Shirt

Three lions on the shirt

Four elephants in the room

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The Line Call

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The ball leaves the racquet like a bullet from a gun

The receiver assesses that the ball is going wide

He stands his ground; there’s no reason to run

He couldn’t if he tried.


Was it a gust of wind, or intervention from The Lord?

because the ball now appears to be going in

His previous decision not to run is looking flawed

He’ll have to take it on the chin.


He pond...

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The Thai Boys


I know it is stating the obvious

but the priority is to get those boys out.

Now is not the time for pointing fingers

or asking questions.

They have to focus on the task,

but fingers will be pointed

and questions must be asked.


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Women May Not Get This

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When men have a wee in a public loo...


Sometimes you're up for it

and playfully direct a strong jet

to move a piece of gum around the bowl

negotiating the gaps between the yellow blocks


Then sometimes you're bursting

but you can't go, you get stage fright.

It's even worse when you're hemmed in by two big blokes

and there are no sides to protect your privacy



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Taking a Cat on Holiday?

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We're off on our hols next week.

When my wife suggested self catering

I said "I'm not having that -

there's no way I'm taking my own cat"


No, we're going half board.

Let's hope I'm not fully bored

lying around the pool doing nowt

but slapping on the factor ten.

I could always take a bike out

and go beyond the local town

but what if I have a puncture?


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Penalty Shootout

Pickford saves

The nation raves

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The Fietser Returns

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There are hardly any hills in Holland

In fact it's as flat as a pancake

So it's no feat to ride a fiet

(a sit-up-and-beg with back-pedal brake)

That's why everybody there rides a bike

apart from the boy with his finger in the dike

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