I stood in the wind for you,
The gale that blew my love away.
You watched me from your crazy world,
And still I stood alone.
And then the rain fell, like my tears.
Still I stood upon that hill.
I waited for the sun to shine,
But still it never came.

I stood there while the white snow fell.
I stood there in the darkest night.
Yes - I'm glad you're warm inside,
I'm waiting in the freezi...

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You beckon to me.
Uncertain, and vaguely guilty.
And how you "know how I feel - but",
I can feel the urgency grip you.
And how we "don't have to if...",
I can feel the expectation.

You touch me,
Too gently,
I can feel the inexperience.

Do you expect me
Suddenly to tell you
If you can.
Or suddenly to let you
If you can't.

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We fight to first blood
But he has no weakness,
It will surely be me who loses.
One way, or another,
It will surely be me who bleeds or bruises.
There can be no lenience
Between me and my lover.

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Gorged, full-bellied,
The bloated She-whale lies
On a bed of roses.
Thorns prick her sides,
But her lover
Lies
Heavy-lidded.
He doesn't see, and he doesn't fear,
And because it doesn't hurt (him)
He books another year;
But the She-whale
Floats
Belly-up to the surface,
Because he didn't catch her.

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If I cry tonight - don't say you love me,
Show me.
And when you can't show me - 
That's why I cried.
And if you learn to tell me - maybe I won't listen.
I know myself too well.
               Not well enough!

If I cry tonight - put your arms around me.
Say nothing - 
               But don't let me think.
Don't push me near this brink!
I could think so sharp to stab myself.

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I am a finger puppet.
He plays me in a mime.

Upon a sheeted stage we lie,
(about all kinds of things).

A marionette,
If words tug strings.

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A gap in the storm:

After the unrequited love, there were a couple of fledgling relationships in the summer before university. Whatever I may have felt during those relationships, there are no poems from them.
As much as I may have wanted to write 'a cheerful poem', cheerful poems were not my forte then.

The relationship I was in before heading off to university may have been sweet and deve...

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I've sat up a tree for days and no-one noticed.
Neither the few who wandered underneath,
Nor the even fewer who should have cared.
Enough to realise I was missing!
And no-one came searching.
Time has no meaning, when the bark is pressing
Into the base of your spine.
And trees don't have cushions!
After the first hours, you only know you are there
Because you can't feel your feet.
Only fo...

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There are no colours,
Time weights my lids.
And soon I see nothing more than time.

If you do not hold me,
I will be cold.
If you are not near,
How will I tell you all these things that I think?

There are no thoughts,
Dreams fill my brain.
Soon I, incapable of reason, will be permanently lost.

If you are not there,
I will be cold.
If you do not want me,
What use, all these things...

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Come then, Victory.
This lady has done with Darkness.
This day
Is too full of sadness.
But the war rages on,
See!

              She has no control.
              It isn't as she wishes.

"Come then.", saith the night,
"Take up this shroud of blackness."

                           She does its bidding.

"Come then.", saith blackest night.
"I am the Harness."

                 ...

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Although there are still two more poems to be met in the unrequited love sub-theme of love's tempest it is chronologically correct to open up new sub-themes of 'friendship' or 'platonic love', and 'self-love' or 'self-esteem', these themes often intertwine and overlap.

I thought about whether to just finish the unrequited love theme and then return to this first of the friendship poems, but I t...

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Wake.
          Feed.
                   Sleep.
                              Work.
                                        Dream.
Yet what is dreaming?
Laugh,
            Ache,
                      Turn,
                               And leave.
A spoken word. A broken friendship.
Heart burns. The party's ended.
The kind advance met with confusion,
There's nothing left to do, but ...

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I am like all those other lonely women;
My eyes are closing, from the stinging.
I am ageing with the best of them,
I am growing veined, waiting.

My HEART is a cog turning,
I have BARBED WIRE for a stomach.
My legs are PISTONS burning,
My GUTS are rubber.

And all my parts are rusted, aged, breaking;
Even my technology is out-dated.

My teeth are RAZORS, biting.
My EYES are funnels...

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You took the sweet-lipped child
                             as she slept in innocence.
As she danced, with the daisies in her hair,
                             at a picnic party.
And now, 
The sour-mouthed woman
                rises from the broken fragments.
And now you wonder.
And now you back away in horror.

See,
        The woman stands alone among you.
See,
        The anger ...

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I know what the future holds.
No warm embraces for this weary heart.
The shades of night breathe welcome to the day.
The memories flicker, with the firelight.
The sadness fades.
The blackness hides within.
I am one with nothing, once again.
But pain is free,
And I'll take any bargain, so it seems.
I'm wondering something in me hasn't changed,
I cannot weep.
I've had the anger.
My eyes ...

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And are you he?
No shadow softened sun
Could ever cause this fire in my heart
Alone,
Nor too, the lingering ember in the grate.
Oh, it is not the culprit that I seek - 
That seeks me too.
Oh, tell me, is it you?

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I've been falling apart for a union.
Didn't mind my mind's intrusion.
Even said,
                    "Hello Confusion."
Got fission,
Not fusion.

But, I've been dreaming about solutions.
Running the race in the wrong direction.
Living for a figment of my own imagination.
Hurting myself,
                        For no reason.

I've been walking the line of indecision.
Toying around wi...

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We are both naive young fools.
You do not see
What is in front of your face,
And I do not hear
What is behind my own.
We are both amateur players,
In a game with no rules.
You missed your sights,
But you shot me through,
And now
I am blinded by you.

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There are no longer words.
I have grown ancient listening.
I have grown a maze of wrinkles,
                                                     waiting.
If my eyes seem dull,
Remember they have forgotten you,
                                                          searching.
Forgotten life,
Seeking memories.

I sit, and watch the hunting.
Come and join me,
                          ...

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Can I help it, if I think you're beautiful?
If I love you, 
Must I spend my whole life being sorry?
When you smile, 
Something twists inside me.
Something fragile, so it ought to break
But doesn't.

Can I help it, if I think you're special?
If your name excites me,
Must I always try to hide it?
The cynic in me tries to squash it;
Dulls my voice, and makes me stiffen.
Makes my gaze see...

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It should not be a sad thing,
                            To be a friend.
But I cry at night, on an empty pillow.
And every day I dream about you,
And see your face, in shadows.

It should not be a bad thing,
                            To be a friend.
But every night I dream about you.
And in the day, I cry without you,
And give myself to sorrow.

        It should not be so maddening
...

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Show me the year it was -
I'll show you the seventeen it wasn't,
And the eternity it never will be, that follows.
Show me the memories - 
I'll show you the smiles forgotten,
And the shattered illusions, broken fragments.
Show me the point in living - 
And I will cut my throat on it!
Don't you know everyone's dying?
                                   It's all the rage.
Recognise the sound...

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I want to write a cheerful poem.
I want to sing a song of joy.
And clap my hands,
And throw my caution to the wind,
Not this misery, I.
This drivel,
                  without end.

I'd wear a dress of red and gold.
All laced up,
All softly flowing.
I want to joke, and laugh, and talk,
And brave this storm.
Not go in black,
Not me, this wreck;
This back-wind
                        ...

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She tried to smile,
She practiced it at home at night.
And how she'd act,
She tried to speak as if it were alright.
She even smiled,
        but mostly at herself.
They didn't care.
They didn't even notice how she felt.

She found that funny too.
She practiced for that aim.
As if it were the only goal in life,
And yet...
She wished they'd wonder, all the same.
She wasn't brave,
And ...

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On a broken stone, in a wide wild ocean,
A breaking girl, in a sea of tears.
A broken heart, and half a notion
To break away the rest of her years.

But the breaking stone refused to split,
And the roaring waves refused to bite.
So all alone,
And lonelier yet,
For nothing would take her life.

She thought of sleeping
Till she drifted away,
And so she did - 
And so she did.
She laid ...

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Note:     This is probably the most embarassing of the poems in the sub-theme of 'Unrequited Love'
             (Although there are a few other strong contenders)
              But, I wouldn't be doing the audience or the theme any justice if I were to omit this one.
              (I'm not sure if it is the zenith or the nadir)
              So, if you read on, don't say you were not warned.

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Can't get you out of my mind.
Can't halt your stay in my mind.
Can't halt my mind.
Can't hold my breath.
Can't hug death.

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Time to visit my 17 year old self, for the next sub-theme in Love's Tempest of 'Unrequited Love'.
With low self-esteem and low social confidence it was kind of inevitable.
But that's not the only way this particular storm can brew.

This first poem in the sub-theme, 'Reckless Abandon' is presented in two forms.
In its original version, and as a shaped poem.

The original version 

...

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I have captured the beauty of the sun,
But you do not look.
Here in my heart lies the serenity of heaven,
            Yet you are so far away.
Lone bird. Circling through,
While I
Stare into a blazing sky,
             To catch a flash of dark.

Tied to this earth,
I am wrapped in flames of desire
            For a touch that never happens.
My soul
Fights with the wind,
We swoop so...

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