Some years ago, I realised

I am the driver of my life

And so I chose light

It was a difficult decision

More difficult than it sounds

It’s hard to know what it is to see

When there’s no darkness around

It’s easy to equate pain with feeling

To attach pain to being 

And so I never ran from the dark

I marched towards it

Let it smoke my heart

Instead, it was alw...

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I have an eclectic palette

But you’re the only taste that matters

I used to roll my eyes when they said

A lover can be your refuge 

I thought turbulence feeds my drive 

But here we are

And it’s everything to feel safe in your arms

No more flight or fight with shaking hands

And anxiety, an egg in my throat 

A sickness that spreads

It always gives back 

Feeding its...

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I collect up the pieces of my former life

Photos, articles, trinkets and pictures,

that reverberate with a life once lived,

far away from where  I am now.

I was once a borderline, edging death.

A cathartic catchpole where I caught nothing but pain. 

Grazing on the  remnants of the past, I realise 

that I was set up to fail.

No one there to see the beating heart of kindness.

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Pain in my stomach, heart, mind,
stabs of a knife 
I yearn for this piercing pain 
I've lacked it far too long.

Ungrateful love:
Punch me, hurt me, kill me almost.

Almost.

so later
when the rain has ceased
a flower can bloom again
a new blossom
the same plant

Revive me, ungrateful love
Make me another

Kill me.

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Moving On

staring through the window
at that dark and dismal place
where shadows danced and jittered
and a stranger had my face
I was shocked, but not surprised, to find
my future hopes would never last
if I stayed gazing in the mirror
and obsessing with the past

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