I want to tell you.
I want to write it down.
I want to have the right words.
I want to feel them. I want you to feel them. I want you to feel what I felt.
I want you to know. About everything. I want to show it to you in broad daylight.
I want you to see it. I want you to face it. I want you to taste it
when the water turns to bleach. I want it to blister the inside of your ...
Saturday 27th November 2021 5:40 am
I always hoped I’d get a seat next to them—
After so many hours in that chair, you look for anything to make you smile.
Most days I came prepared with things to occupy my mind.
I carried a book of Kate Bush’s song lyrics, called How to Be Invisible, which had been nearly ruined once when I spilled an entire canteen of water in the bag I packed to take to the hospital.
Saturday 27th November 2021 5:35 am
We murdered our dog today.
Or at least that’s how it feels.
We say it’s for the best.
We say he’s suffering.
But, it feels like a pointless death.
He ran into the vets office.
A Good Boy with cancer.
He tripped twice, bumping a wall,
and peed for the last time.
What did he think as he went inside?
Did he trust us to heal him?
Every day is a new day to a dog,
even when they su...
Monday 15th November 2021 3:51 pm
“De Temps En Temps,” by Josephine Baker. That’s what I was listening to. Funny now to think I'd ever forget how it felt, something like that.
Alone and facing my death in a stranger’s beach house, next to a dark, cold, ocean in the dead of Winter.
I ate Dove chocolates and soaked in a warm bath with bubbles to the brim, and listened to “De Temps en Temps,” while lifting a razor to...
Tuesday 6th April 2021 4:39 am
The sound of “Violence”
I can feel it
The ledge, again
The poison running through
My veins, I feel it
Hurting me, helping me
Pink plastic wig
Pretty pink perfume
Make me pretty
Don’t let me
Pray to God I don’t
Monday 1st March 2021 3:38 am
i am a lucky girl.
just recently i read that
people take around 24,000 breaths
in between words
and running late to their jobs.
today i watched an old
PJ Harvey concert on tv
she was singing and
all over the place-
it was great
i bet i took a thousand breaths
just sitting there watchi...
Tuesday 26th January 2021 3:36 am
I can feel you,
thick in my throat,
threatening to consume me,
slithering through my mind and body,
wielding your alpha power,
making me weak.
I curse you, drown you,
in sunshine and sweet elixirs,
but you refuse to leave.
I am stronger than you think.
I order you and your invisible army
of pain, heartbreak, misery,
away from my cosmic energy.
I did not manifest you.
Wednesday 25th November 2020 4:28 pm
A song I wrote a while ago, I played the guitar when I still could, arthritis in my hands has ended that, My cousins son sang and played the Harmonica and clapped.we never sat down and played it just sent stuff back and forth on the internet until we had something he could mix at his studio. Its about my son who died of a rare bone cancer, Ewings Sarcoma at eighteen years of age.
Blues for Davi...
Thursday 12th November 2020 9:35 pm
Cancer you came into our lives once before when you took my grandfather to his final resting place,
We only had a short time to spend with him, and it was hard to look him in his face,
My mama used to cry a lot; regrets, fears, and meaningful words, how hard it was for her to comprehend,
All she wanted was a few more years, without the hurt, pain, and overflow of tears,
The family ...
Tuesday 18th August 2020 10:48 pm
Nineteen nighty five
I was sitting in the sports hall
pen in hand
the desks apart
a teacher I didn’t know
patrolled the aisles
The English paper said ‘write a story
include a river
and an allegory’
The clock at the front clicks
thin hands jerk and tick
I spin my pen
study the air vents above me
there’s a dusty shuttlecock
caught up in the pipework
there’s a br...
Thursday 16th April 2020 2:02 pm
I lost my vra vra vroom
The day you got your diagnosis
Felt joint tomorrows wither
With the growth of what we knew
You – with your mother’s heart
And dragon’s roar
Saving me from lions
Or bullies, or bees...
My sister, my confidante,
My best friend
Entombed within the capsule
Of your hypobaric oxygen chamber
I stand outside and count the miles
Wednesday 15th April 2020 11:30 am
Out driving our first cars at night
snaking the blackness of North East country roads
I'd flick the headlights off
hear the girls scream
then back on and we'd crack up laughing
In our town, there wasn't much to do
but wander looping streets
haunt the park outside of college
blow house to house, see who was home
or spend it lying in your bedroom laughing
When you and Chris split, he ...
Saturday 20th October 2018 12:13 am
Once you've been touched by the "C"
You'll no longer ever be free
It stains me, sticks with me
I just want to be released
But I'm haunted by this vicious disease
That aims to end lives, make me deceased
We may halt it, but it never truly leaves
It's tangled within me, lingering in my bloody Genes!
You never know what's lurking underneath
Not everything is always as it seems
It steals y...
Friday 10th August 2018 2:16 pm
It's a tough pill to swallow.
I want to fucking puke.
This feeling in my stomach,
like I swallowed a live nuke.
They just give me pills to swallow
and run a lot of useless tests.
I tried so hard to keep it away,
to fight it off but it infests.
I hate these pills I swallow.
I feel the cancer in my veins.
It's consuming my body
and fucking with my brain.
It's not your pill to swall...
Monday 18th June 2018 1:35 pm
What a cool gothic chick I hooked up with online.
We shared the same interests.
A pretty, kind, intelligent, funny woman.
I thought this is it.
I've met my soulmate.
No more loneliness or being misunderstood by the wrong gals.
What a catch.
Something stopped us being together.
She sensed it.
Bad news got in the way of us.
Half a bottle of vodka engulfe...
Monday 19th February 2018 10:52 pm
i'm overly sensitive and also rather shy
i keep my thoughts to myself and hide when i cry
I notice that i'm an emotional wreck
I moan a lot and i'm a pain in the neck
i wouldn't put up with anyone like me
yet some how you do what is it you see?
Is it my certain skills like being able to cook?
Or is it because i enjoy other thing's like reading a book
is it because i'm un...
Thursday 15th February 2018 3:51 pm
I can tell you exactly when it happened. I was sat on one of those plasticy leatherette chairs. You know the ones, they have them in all hospitals, they're easy to wipe clean if someone has a little accident. I had my hand clasped about my wife's fingers and though I knew I was squeezing them too hard she didn't complain.
She, the doctor that is, or should I say consultant? Anyway, she leant in...
Wednesday 31st January 2018 4:43 pm
no man should know
no child should hear:
to be spared.
as he sat with his sons at home
and struggled to find
she will never return to us
she is too ill
In a time when she was strong
as her body weake...
Wednesday 20th September 2017 3:36 pm
My little pale faced love
Pixie now for you or closer
Hang on in there, it's proof it's working
This is just a sign of the clock ticking
Ticking away the days to full health
Full recovery no less my lovely, you'll see
The pest shrinking daily for others to catch
Trust in their judgement and hold my hand tight
You'll be free soon my lovely, just you wait and see
Saturday 13th May 2017 8:15 pm
black clouds on a sunny day
a bus ride into town
on a sunny day
a black cloud
crawls its way
across the window
this is about me
this is about me
this is about me
this is not about me
she could be
he could be
there is no sign
how would I know
I glance at her
curves into uncertainty
at the corner
of her mou...
Monday 19th September 2016 4:15 pm
The day I got that phone call I knew was the beginning of the end, that day was the last day I felt real fear. The fact that you’d be taken from me at any moment. That phone call was in fact my worse fear realized. That day it felt like you were ready to stop protecting me from the world but in that same hour I knew you wouldn’t be there to protect me at all. I flew to you, I ran to you only to se...
Saturday 10th September 2016 3:20 am
This make-believe story I predicted in my head,
To pieces upon the ground does it fall.
A happiness once experienced -
A security long gone,
And a father I had imagined -
Now a memory in which I had created.
But, the hurt inside is real -
All torn up, how does my heart continue to beat?
A trauma of the past -
Why must I remember what I wish not to?
Wednesday 6th July 2016 10:44 pm
There was a man I knew,
not too close, not too far,
as a child he was there
to tend to my scars.
A man with a past,
of that I had no doubt,
a man, when provoked,
who knew how to shout.
A happy man
with a smile for all,
he'd always be there to
pick me up when I'd fall.
And though never far away,
we were never very close,
a sign of those times...
Sunday 17th May 2015 11:54 pm
For a princely sum of seven quid odd
You can buy a fare to see your god
With tar and chemicals in each fag
Your lungs are choking with each drag
Carbon Monoxide with a nicotine kick
Coughing and spluttering until you're sick
But pushing on with your tobacco intake
Tumours and Emphysema from a daily fix
Four thousand chemicals in each toke
Friday 11th October 2013 12:38 am
Offend a Daily Mail reader – today!
In our miniscule existences upon this planet Earth
There’s precious few occurrences to occasion us true mirth
So listen up real loudly, those with brains and minds to spare
Who still hang on to plucking out true hope from thinnest air
Here’s the solution, if you’re open to such play
Just offend a Daily Mail reader today
Thursday 25th July 2013 9:19 pm
I’ve hope that the miracle I’ve asked my pagan Goddess for happens.
That my dear friend and fellow writer,
Charmaine Maeer, makes a full recovery
from the cancer that is murdering her.
Blond beautiful intelligent age 34.
Soon to be dead.
A spear in my heart,
me not knowing why her.
Except my dear friend fights with spirit and total love endures.
Friday 14th June 2013 11:39 pm
Well hello there,
It has been a long old while since I last posted and lots has happened since my last post. I have a new job and am now officially a commuter which is inspiring a large amount of material as you can imagine. I have also had one or two tragic events happen which leads me to my latest entry.
At the beginning of this month my Grandfather passed away after losing a long f...
Tuesday 29th May 2012 8:15 pm
On this day you left.
The Earth could no longer handle your grace, for this world can be an ugly place.
We couldn't handle your departure by ourselves. You showed us that we still have each other and that family is more than we were allowing it to be. Some of us will recoil and shrink. We look at them and we think about growth, our own extra terrestrial face as universal...
Monday 21st May 2012 4:56 pm
Why on Earth would you think
I’d find one of the world’s biggest killers
You’ve known me for years, you heartless cow.
We shared the same drab town
I looked after you when you were sick
Scraping back hair, sponging brow
Forcing vile vials of fizzy liquids down your protesting throat.
I’ve run Marathons, raised...
Monday 9th January 2012 10:56 pm
I see you
with sensual sense
like the Na'vi.
Hungry for your love
yet I let your absence starve me.
Living on the spiritual sustenance of memory,
Sliced on loose lips
drunk on truth and Hennesy.
I see you
as I raise a glass to the departed...
to my departure from your life.
How can I tell my lover I'll literally travel oceans to be at her bedside
Saturday 15th October 2011 11:41 pm
Drenched in heavy morning rain
Like an arctic soaking to the vein;
I just sat there stunned and wordless,
by the results of endless tests.
Only do I seek the scoffer's sympathy;
my litanies dot the bottom of this timpani.
No restaurant on high street offers...
Whoa! I found where my sanity rests:
A very com...
Monday 20th December 2010 9:51 am
Take Five Hundred and Sixty Four
million pounds to fund
What the hell is that?
Five - Hundred - And - Sixty - Four:
Five hundred and sixty four
more than half a Billion
is Five hundred and sixty four
And how many lives would it count,
half a billion pounds
if a cure for ca...
Thursday 8th April 2010 10:46 pm