Poetry Blogs (2017, self)

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Changing tides

entry picture

I want a better life for my precious little boy

I want him to have a life that he can actually enjoy 

In a town like this with limited prospects 

The best that you can hope for is that life doesn't get to complex 

And that you don't have to escape with 

self destructionalised vibes 

And that you can appreciate the beauty 

in the ever changing tides

Life's not about finding ...

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beautychangingdestructionHappinessLifeloosingmotherhoodselftideswinning

Dead Wood

Dead wood, no good.

Get rid of the dead 

wood that won’t burn 

like wet yew branches.

People are dead wood,

like soul callouses.

They cling to you,

bring only judgement.

Spouting forth sin,

or their own piss;

its all the same

when you don’t drink it.

They call you wrong,

say you are useless, 

no use for burning.

I smack the dead wood

out of my life,

...

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relationshipsselfself-knowledgetrees

I Know Who I Am

Eyes that seek truth,

A heart that knows no bounds

A mind that eludes and intimidates

A soul that is and always was free

Determined and passionate

Emotional but strong

I can get through anything

Even when I don't want to

 

There are times when I do not know myself

These times are hard

Patience will show my path

I'm so grateful I was not alone

I'm still not al...

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emotionaleternal lovehearti amlovelovingmemindselfself lovesoul

gate

gate

 

you draw rust where heat’s been;

some passage of time;

life’s clouded outcomes;

weather or not we care.

 

you’re iron to me; blood strength.

took years to find you;

all: frame, hinge, key, arch;

allowing passage back.

 

 

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scienceselfsurreal

Sane × Insane

entry picture

Why do you expect so much good in other people

Why do you pray so much under every steeple

How can you be ok to be disappointed all the time

And hurt yourself with so much hope inside

You’ll never learn your lesson if you try to be blind

To The bad side of people you try to hide

And let them inside your heart again

Is it a crime to let them cause you so much pain

To the poi...

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bad daybad karmagood lifeinsanepoetrysad poemssad poetrysaneSelfself reflectionself-destruction

Loss

In those darkest, darkling months

when both belief and hope were lost

when love was stretched taught beyond endurance

when pain and understanding spiralled

Still

There was some doubt of destiny:

could love be snatched away;

and child a mother lose?

A new reality to supplant all we knew

                                                                        and dreamt.

...

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deathfatelosspainself

Yet Still I Run

How many times can one person be reinvented

I have run from myself so many times

I have fled from who I am

in order to be someone better

But always I fall short

Always I fail

Always I become someone changed but still the same

Always I leave behind the good

And carry with me the bad

I flee from the things I hate

Like a bat out of hell

I try to outrun the parts of my...

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betterchangechangingfailureparts of myselfreinventedreinvention of selfrunrunningselftrying to be better

Who I am Becoming

Is the pain of loneliness worse than the pain of regret

Than giving away another part of your shrinking soul

I only have so much to give

I do not know how to stop

I am not eternal

I am not limitless

 

I am finite

There is a certain amount of me

And some parts never grow back

Some parts, once given, cannot ever be recovered

I cannot be returned to who I once was

...

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finitegiving of myself too muchlimitedlonelinesspainpastquestioningself

Why I Do Not Want to Hear That You Love Me

My friends do not understand

Every one of their smiles is a noose

Every act of friendship is another weight on my shoulders

I am weighed down by love, I am weary from carrying it so long, so far

I cannot hold this heaviness much longer

I cannot hold onto this burden

Knowing I do not deserve it

Knowing it is not meant for me

Knowing I should not accept it

Knowing how wast...

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depressionfriendsheavysadself

A star collapses

She speaks up for the thousandth time,

when it's easier to keep quiet.

A star who says what's is in her soul

when you respond with your mouth.

A shard of silver pain in her heart.

But they have no idea.

 

You say the first thing in your head,

collapse her nebulous boundaries.

She’s a people pleaser, easily moved

by those who would like her to fall.

A nebula that ca...

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loverelationshipsselfsensitivityspeakingthinking

2 SCOOPS OF BRAIN.

 

We were like ‘yin and yang’,

‘Spick and Span’

- Hot pot, big pan -

slick and tanned!

The could we can -

sweet, sweet like marzipan!

The kind of love that makes you FAT,

that attracts the sniff sniffing rats.

- Rap! Trap! Rat! The blind bats! -

But I walked and you ran,

I was kicked like tin-can

then you thought you were tin-man,

cause you forgot your heart ...

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confusedfunidentitylostrediscoveryreinventionrelationshipselfword play

Sculpted

Traveller: walk roads.

Wash eye's innocence in life's flow.

Erode face-gullies in time's flood.

Let years sculpt wisdom into an open soul.

Face journey's lessons willing.

Respond. Adapt. Change.

Face alternate current.

Learn.  Change again.

Be you. Inner you. Consistent.

Washed clean.

Altered.

Time's sculpture, life's subject.

Your self.

 

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inner lightinner souljourneylife pathlife's journeyself

Notes From Underground

The whole of life cowers in a shadow
as I sprawl undone on the leather sofa
those lingering promises blown apart
their bloodstained shards 
decorate my mind

O beauty, beauty
you'll be the death of me
I say nothing when I hear you speak
I hear nothing but my voice saying
'give yourself to me'

And you can choose not to remember
you can opt not to partake in recollecting
but the guilt...

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beautylustself

Atonement

And now I must recover myself

Left, after centuries of fearful neglect

Washed up to dry on a sunless beach.

 

And now I must plait my hair

Dull, after nights of washing in grease

The guilty searches for lost affection.

 

And now I must return home,

Home, where I’ve never been

And sit a while and say sorry, I’m sorry, to me.

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Futureguiltselftime

Intelligent Fool

Is it a fool who waits for which he knows will never come, Searching for a pinhole of light in the darkness that has become, Turning off lamps dumbfounded by what he has done, Is my fate the same as this man I see in plain view, Though I try to evade, Everytime I look into the mirror, He stares back at me too.

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emotionquestionsSelf

My Voices

I've wondered at the pain inside
I've wondered at the choices
I wonder about the boy that died,
and why I never lost the voices.

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ChoicesDeathdemonsDiedPainselfvoiceswonder

The Pit

I came across a hole one day
I filled it with my soul
But too frail was my soul that day
And too deep to fill the hole
I left it there in that hole, that day
I gave it up for lost
But I'll come back to that hole one day
With much more soul to toss.

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HappyHoleLifePersonalSelfSoul

I Am That Seed

 

Time sleeps in the distant desert,

and sitting softly under the yellow sun,

dried and dehydrated,

there is a seed that waits for the rains.

- I am that seed.

I wait for the rains with open hands

and when they wash over me time wakes refreshed

and I’ll drink all I need

-I am that seed.

The seed that longs to know

the secrets of this distant desert,

and when my ...

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lifeself

Yourself

Never plan anything

that’s my motto

And if you can leave something till tomorrow

then leave it

Don’t think about loved ones

-Love no one

And consider yourself first and foremost

above everyone and everything

Don’t get involved

and don’t feel bad about leaving something

unresolved

Any money you make -spend on yourself

and don’t start thinking about...

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selfselfishness

We Chose Hooks

do you remember
those nights
we placed hooks in our eyes?

waiting in our sleep
to catch the darting lies
that swam inside our heads

do you remember
those nights?

we should have walked
the chrome stacked streets
that rolled like silver eels

where stub ends sailed on tarry keels
in that vanishing space between
the night clubs gaudy hush
and necessities capital morning rus...

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memorymissed opportunitypainregretselfshared

Stay Positive

entry picture

The hand reached into the pocket and pulled out lint. Expecting the worst, the lint was a better gift than anticipated. A cop asked me if there are any sharp objects she should know about, I say, "no", knowing that I have dirty tricks up my sleeve. I am arrested. It could always have been worse. So could I. But here I am. Jail Cell. Alone. No friends close. No bail. Alone. Surrounded by humans ...

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activecollectiveconsciousnessdustfloatfreedomgenesisimprisonmentlongrealizationRightsacrificescarecrowselfstucktreeswindWrightWrong

Is that why (a poem by a shy friend; please be gentle)

 

Is that why?

 

I bled

for so many years with the pain reminiscent of childbirth

and cried with longing and loss

the empty hollow and the useless womb

Is that why

 

I ached

and found each day weighed heavier than the last

and my body dried and drained

and my world shrank to a parody

Is that why

 

I killed

Tiny webbed fingers a hea...

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experiencegrieflosspoetryself

Live and Die

entry picture
I lie
live and die
between
your open
and very inviting
legs

oh glory be
praise the sacredness
of true womanhood

I'm gladly trapped
a joyous prisoner
playing with you
playing with my thoughts
melting into pure lust

you want
you desire me
to exhibit my
physical prowess

I'm aware of your
femininity
of your red blooded
and beating heart
together we'll explore
our sacred whore
and we'll return from paradise
desiring more m...

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experiencejourneylustsacredselfsexwhore

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