I used the conjunction of empty and crammed deliberately Ray. The box is a metaphor for a belief put forward that is empty in its benefit to humanity. Many people take comfort in the thought of an afterlife and the chance to meet up with loved ones. To rob them of this would be in effect suck the hope out of them. Visually I saw this as a coffin filled with the ashes of corpses.
Thanks for pointing out the spelling mistake on taut - I do know the difference but dashed this one off, too quickly perhaps.
I agree with you that there are compassionate atheists who do not mock or seek to undermine those who believe. This poem seeks to answer those who do, though. I think I am entitled to do that.
I hope you managed to enjoy something it it anyway.
Thank you everybody for taking the time to read and comment. xx
Comment is about Your Gift (Blog entry)
Original item by Isobel
I'm not sure even after reading the comments what the poem intends to say.It's one thing to believe that the world is "an empty box crammed with ash"(though can it be both?)or "a canvas stretched taught(taut?)with misery and pain" and quite another to be mocking those who are of a different persuasion.They don't necessarily go hand in hand, do they? One can feel that the earth is a hostile place and existence is meaningless yet not lack in warmth and compassion for one's fellow sufferers. I think.
Comment is about Your Gift (Blog entry)
Original item by Isobel
only need one word from me Rach-fantasmogorical! I,m not sure if thats a real word(lol!)-maybe shit-hot would be more lancashirely understood-brill! brill!brill! up the lancashire poets!! hoorah! Stef-xx
Comment is about Victoriana (Blog entry)
Original item by Rachel McGladdery
Hi Geddy-is this about poets?(ha!) you forgot to the mention poets in sanatoriums where I live-bye for now,I have an appointment with Napolean-xx
Comment is about Poets Everywhere (Blog entry)
Original item by geraldine golightly
I love this Jacqueline - really magical and defiant as well! x
Comment is about Driftwood (Blog entry)
Original item by Jacqueline King
I guess patent roofs look all wet and black and shiny, Ray. I guess it is roofs? Rooves sound better to me. (And is it hooves or hoofs? Greg - I think we should be told! ;-))
Comment is about Victoriana (Blog entry)
Original item by Rachel McGladdery
Hello Geraldine - what a great poem! I keep meaning to write one called "Ten thousand poets on the head of a pin" but that's as far as I get! God, maybe there are too many poets!! Love the lines
"Poets have emotions that mere mortals dare not touch
Poets do all nice things and say thank you very much."
Oh, nearly forgot - thank you very much for your poem! x
Comment is about Poets Everywhere (Blog entry)
Original item by geraldine golightly
I like the poem. Could be shorter perhaps but the sentiments are well expressed. I wonder about "crystal message", though. Is she not more warning than message?
Comment is about Grandma at the Window (Blog entry)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
this is quite close to prose, Rach I feel and maybe even flash fiction (I'm adapting one poem into that as a experiment) but either way this again is another cracker of a piece, and I think also you've got a real knack of strong last lines! Nice one! x
Comment is about Victoriana (Blog entry)
Original item by Rachel McGladdery
really enjoyed this Rach.. Particularly strong ending I've gotta say.. One of the better things I've seen on here for a little while..Keep em coming! x
Comment is about Curing Poetry (Blog entry)
Original item by Rachel McGladdery
I'd never heard of patent roofs before and I'm not sure what the "disease" refers to but there's an awful lot to like here. corset bound (needs a hyphen?)and flesh-pinched. I claw myself bloody. Well, the last 3 lines are excellent, I think.
Comment is about Victoriana (Blog entry)
Original item by Rachel McGladdery
It is interesting that the only responses have come from women.What does it say about us? I thought I'd break the trend.It is very well observed with some cracking lines. My favourite was "shirts that hang limp as charity shops". Don't know that I've ever seen a brown leather blouson. But would I recognise what it was if I did?My only complaint about this is the big print and large spaces.Why?
Comment is about Men Of A Certain Age (Blog entry)
Original item by Gus Jonsson
Cheers Greg, thank you for your comment.
Comment is about Driftwood (Blog entry)
Original item by Jacqueline King
Thank you Cynthia, have corrected my mistake! take care x
Comment is about Driftwood (Blog entry)
Original item by Jacqueline King
Just popped in to say "WOW!" xx (Have you come across my Doxy poem? She has a follow up too which I might post. Somehow this made me think of her. I want to do another bit where she's been "rescued" - but she doesn't like it! xx)
Comment is about Victoriana (Blog entry)
Original item by Rachel McGladdery
Ohhh you flatterer! :)
To be completely honest I just wrote this in the gap between breaking my WOL fast and seeing I had comments and so signing back in....the corsetty bit came in a half asleep state last night so I texted it myself before going to sleep. Obviously you lot are the cure for the cure....
I will change rooves to roofs as soon as I've pressed send on this.
it's good to be back, I've missed you lot, lots!
xxx
Comment is about Greg Freeman (Poet profile)
Original item by Greg Freeman
Hi Cynthia, many thanks for the comment on Curing Poetry....I have honestly found writing very hard work recently, stuff's been drying up but I hope the drought will be over soonish. Your comment was as always much appreciated, and gave me a boost.
Love
Rachel
xxx
Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (Poet profile)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
Wow! What's all this about writer's block? Like "the street all oilcloth and patent rooves" - although it should be roofs! - that glistening look, and "the dead relatives withdraw to their paintings". Really powerful final line. So glad you're back and pushing the bar higher for the rest of us.
Comment is about Victoriana (Blog entry)
Original item by Rachel McGladdery
Annie poo,
I missed you too!
I love your picture by the way, beeeeyyotiful you are!
Spring Cleaning was always there and I'm glad you liked it...been reading some of your recent work and I'm entranced. Rose Quartz is incredible.
xxx
Comment is about Ann Foxglove (Poet profile)
Original item by Ann Foxglove
I like this too; the childhood words castle and treasure, and particularly the final two lines
Comment is about Driftwood (Blog entry)
Original item by Jacqueline King
Aw Stef, what a lovely welcome home!Thanks (sincerely)
xxx
Comment is about Patricia and Stefan Wilde (Poet profile)
Original item by Patricia and Stefan Wilde
I think this is quite original, with real mood. Not playing with the words at the moment, just spelling. Check 'at my castle with its proper wooden drawbridge'.
Comment is about Driftwood (Blog entry)
Original item by Jacqueline King
Good to see you back here, Rach, and good to hear about your work in schools. Sounds like fun!
Comment is about Curing Poetry (Blog entry)
Original item by Rachel McGladdery
The poem is fabulous. I surely hope the essence is just imaginary. Interesting ruminations. Wonderful to see you back.
Comment is about Curing Poetry (Blog entry)
Original item by Rachel McGladdery
Fantastic. What are you eating for breakfast these days! I greatly admire the triplet stanzas and the rhyme scheme which show a lot of care but avoid the impression of contrivance. Your diction and melody are superb.
Comment is about No Place... (Blog entry)
Original item by Steven Kenny
Excellent, Stephen. All the prior comment express it all - the idea is novel and beautifully worded. I liked the 'understanding' underlying 'didn't want to offend', currently a PC restriction we all find hard to bypass for more sympathetic human contact.
Comment is about And finally... (Blog entry)
Original item by Steven Kenny
When I am old I want to be be 'soft-lipped' and still 'emotionally pliable', not rigid with regrets and bottled-up anger. Or was it stoicism, and physical pain that caged her in? Bravery that would not, or could not, be shared because no one was left who 'knew' her anymore? Does old age have to be a lonely business?
Comment is about Grandma at the Window (Blog entry)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
Was Spring Cleaning there before? It is a great poem. So nice to have you back. xxxx
Comment is about Rachel McGladdery (Poet profile)
Original item by Rachel McGladdery
Yes, seconded! Missed you loads! xxxx
Comment is about Curing Poetry (Blog entry)
Original item by Rachel McGladdery
Rachel McGladdery? whose she then? (lol!)lovely to see you back Rach-hope you are well-no tutting and nodding from me-just one blummin big greeting card and thanks for gracing us with your terriff writing-lotser luv-Stef-xx
Comment is about Curing Poetry (Blog entry)
Original item by Rachel McGladdery
Good morning Larisa-I can,t wait for your songs,am I allowed to singalongaLarisa? bring it on!! ASAP! lots of love-Stefan-xx
Comment is about Larisa Rzhepishevska (Poet profile)
Original item by Larisa Rzhepishevska
Hello, sorry I have been away for so long....had something of a block of late (blog poem may explain lol)so better keep me at arm's length in case it's contagious! :)
Rach
xxx
Comment is about Rachel McGladdery (Poet profile)
Original item by Rachel McGladdery
If anyone would like to play around with this they can, I like the first bit, but then it went a bit basic!
Comment is about Driftwood (Blog entry)
Original item by Jacqueline King
I'm a bit late here, Isobel (as normal when I am recovering from holiday) but without repeating too much what has being said, I certainly got the reference to Nazism in this piece, I thought the reputation in the piece is particularly strong.
Have you performed this? Could be one of those pieces which could get a interesting reaction.
I read out one of my pieces at Middleton recently 'thing we don't write about' which caused a debate right after it which was a little surprising too, but it's good to make people think with your poetry which this piece i think does..
Comment is about Your Gift (Blog entry)
Original item by Isobel
lot of good imagery in this, steven... enjoyed this however the last line 'a raw and vacuous home' is jarring a bit in my head for some reason.
top banana otherwise, bud
Comment is about No Place... (Blog entry)
Original item by Steven Kenny
possibly my favourite piece of yours to date, cynthia.. Loved it but it was very very sad
Comment is about Grandma at the Window (Blog entry)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
Very powerful, Ian.
You can tell this came right from the heart.
I particularly enjoyed the drip, drip references and the ending.
Will keep my eyes open for more.
Top banana!
Comment is about Message (Blog entry)
Original item by Ian Nenna
love 'bonkersness', Dermot in particular.. top banana (to quote dom) - enjoyed this!
Comment is about Darkness lands with an ear-splitting bang (Blog entry)
Original item by Dermot Glennon
i hinted at this on f/book last night, Georgina but this really has the feel of a song in it to me (would be a very short song of course however)... but you should certainly keep believing in yourself with your work... i remember what my work was like when i was your age and i'll tell you for nothing - it was no-where near as good! x
Comment is about Lucky Number Nine. (Blog entry)
This made me feel quite sad really Cynthia, I expect a lot of people will relate to the feeling of wanting to reach out, but not wanting to intrude, or feeling it is futile, love it.
Comment is about Grandma at the Window (Blog entry)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
Yes - that is a lovely life affirming poem with originality as has already been said.
Comment is about A Poem on Your Lips (Blog entry)
It's brilliant zion, I love it.
Comment is about A Poem on Your Lips (Blog entry)
Thank you my dear Lynn for understanding.
With warmest wishes, Larisa
Comment is about Lynn Dye (Poet profile)
Original item by Lynn Dye
Thank you my dear Lynn for understanding.
With warmest wishes, Larisa
Comment is about THE DISAPPEARING GENERATION (Blog entry)
Original item by Larisa Rzhepishevska
Greg Freeman
Tue 13th Jul 2010 14:57
Sorry to hijack your blog, Rachel, but it is roofs/hooves, Ann, although the dictionary does concede you can also have hoofs. You had me worried so I double-checked! It's a strange and wonderful thing, the English language
Comment is about Victoriana (Blog entry)
Original item by Rachel McGladdery