Gus Jonsson

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Mon 12th Jul 2010 14:30

Whilst the poem is superb the first stanza is ...rare...really Wonderful.

I was spellbound, caught up in the contrasting images.... of the young Lady?... and her Grandmother.


Well done!

Gus xx

Comment is about Grandma at the Window (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

Gus Jonsson

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Mon 12th Jul 2010 14:21




Hi Isobel just copied you in...

xxx


Thanks you ladies... I wouldn't dare do a follow up...but I know a a poet who may??

Perhaps it may be offered as a lemon drizzle prize subject..


LADIES OF A CERTAIN AGE

I'm sure Isobel and Francine could arrange that... I'll send the cake overseas if it comes to it... Whatya think ???

Comment is about Isobel (Poet profile)

Original item by Isobel

Gus Jonsson

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Mon 12th Jul 2010 14:18

Thanks you ladies... I wouldn't dare do a follow up...but I know a a poet who may??

Perhaps it may be offered as a lemon drizzle prize subject..


LADIES OF A CERTAIN AGE

I'm sure Isobel and Francine could arrange that... I'll send the cake overseas if it comes to it... Whatya think ???

Gus xx

Comment is about bernadette herbertson (Poet profile)

Original item by bernadette herbertson

Gus Jonsson

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Mon 12th Jul 2010 14:17

Thanks you ladies... I wouldn't dare do a follow up...but I know a a poet who may??

Perhaps it may be offered as a lemon drizzle prize subject..


LADIES OF A CERTAIN AGE

I'm sure Isobel and Francine could arrange that... I'll send the cake overseas if it comes to it... Whatya think ???

Gus xx

Comment is about Ann Foxglove (Poet profile)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Gus Jonsson

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Mon 12th Jul 2010 14:16

Thanks you ladies... I wouldn't dare do a follow up...but I know a a poet who may??

Perhaps it may be offered as a lemon drizzle prize subject..


LADIES OF A CERTAIN AGE

I'm sure Isobel and Francine could arrange that... I'll send the cake overseas if it comes to it... Whatya think ???

Gusxx

Comment is about Heather (Poet profile)

Original item by Heather

Gus Jonsson

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Mon 12th Jul 2010 14:14

Thanks you ladies... I wouldn't dare do a follow up...but I know a a poet who may??

Perhaps it may be offered as a lemon drizzle prize subject..


LADIES OF A CERTAIN AGE

I'm sure Isobel and Francine could arrange that... I'll send the cake overseas if it comes to it... Whatya think ???



Comment is about Men Of A Certain Age (blog)

Original item by Gus Jonsson

Gus Jonsson

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Mon 12th Jul 2010 14:05

Thank you for your very well thought out and written critique re 'Men Of A Certain Age,...

I often catch a glimpse of myself in that poem.... sad


Thanks again.

Gus xx

Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (Poet profile)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

Gus Jonsson

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Mon 12th Jul 2010 14:02

Thank you Cynthia re the typo She's... I had originally written a different line ... overlooked the She's....
Thank once again

Gus xx

Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (Poet profile)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

John Darwin

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Mon 12th Jul 2010 13:55

Interesting piece Isobel. Where does challenge end and mockery begin? It seems that in asking for the tolerance of the non-believer you are using the language of intolerance yourself. The harsh and absolute language could be seen as offensive to those who do not believe but sometimes it seems that those 'of faith' own the copyright on being offended.

Of course the reference to Nazism is deliberately offensive but it would be equally offensive and futile to enter into a body-count for each side of the debate.

How would someone's faith be undermined by somebody taking the opposite position?

Perhaps this is not the time or place for such a discussion :-)

John x

Comment is about Your Gift (blog)

Original item by Isobel

andy n

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Mon 12th Jul 2010 13:33

Hi Bernadette;

Pleased you are back then. Any advice I think people give you on W.O.L. is open to opinion as nobody has the same opinion whether you take it or not (but I think it’s always worth posting to see what other people think)– same goes whether you get the advice at a reading or a writing group (Used to run a writing group myself – will be starting one up again in September I think) or even at a reading before or after. I think the important thing is you reach a conclusion with a piece you are happy with. If so, the world is your oyster!

Hope you are scribbling plenty still (I am in the process of sorting out some more stuff for W.O.L. as I am just back from tour with my spoken word collective and I came back with a fistful of new pieces).

Cheers

Andy N

Comment is about bernadette herbertson (Poet profile)

Original item by bernadette herbertson

andy n

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Mon 12th Jul 2010 13:32

Hi Dianna;

Glad you like the three poems on there. Animals in their bags itself was wrote at a kids party a few years back when I saw all of those weird bags kids were bringing in.

Brief Encounters does have an unexpected ending indeed. Not going to say where that came from, but the first time I performed that at Freed Up Poets (Open Mike night) in 2008 I think I remember completely struggling to keep a straight face when I performed that and burst out giggling on the last stanza.

Perfect Place is a true story, wrote about a relationship from a while back where the most ordinary bits in a relationship can be the most powerful. Brings back a lot of memories every time I read that piece, must admit.

I had a quick peek at your website before – enjoyed it too. Looks really good – will sit down and look at more when I get time.

Cheers

Andy N

Comment is about (Poet profile)

andy n

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Mon 12th Jul 2010 13:31

you know me too well with my boozing stories! lol

you performing for jeffarama this time?

Cheers

Andy N

Comment is about Gus Jonsson (Poet profile)

Original item by Gus Jonsson

Dave Bradley

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Mon 12th Jul 2010 13:29

I was strongly gripped by this Cynthia. A simple direct focussing on a universal experience from some moments and a strong image in your own life. Would probably perform well too.

Comment is about Grandma at the Window (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

Dave Bradley

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Mon 12th Jul 2010 13:18

Sorry Cynthia I have to disagree. I'm glad Isobel provided the explanation - the poem clicks into place for me and I like it, and am intrigued by it, that much more.

I don't like labels as they divide people but in this context have to own up to being a person of faith. Wobbly, idiosyncratic but yup the f word applies. I'm in sympathy with what you're saying, Iz, but in no way want to see atheists as opponents, even if they are, as you say, mocking those with a faith. Yes that does happen and it doesn't help the search for truth, but bridges can always be built, not walls.

Playing Devil's Advocate (?!) here, I think atheists might say that their gift to the world is scientific method. That has its roots in the work of both atheists and believers (including wacky ones - Newton!!!). But it is atheists who tend to be most comprehensively devoted to it. And it has brought great benefits to humanity.

But then if rationality is a gift, is there a giver?

Comment is about Your Gift (blog)

Original item by Isobel

Cynthia Buell Thomas

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Mon 12th Jul 2010 13:17

I'm obviously almost a dinosaur - i should have twigged to the 'sonnet form' by the stanza set-up, but I missed the clear rhymes as signposts. I have yet to tackle one; maybe this summer.

Comment is about Something for Everyone (blog)

Original item by Greg Freeman

Jacqueline King

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Mon 12th Jul 2010 13:12

Well, you see I went to a concert on Saturday and listened to 8 waltz's by Brahms, so I suppose he was foremost in my mind, yes I did have a twinkle in my eye, when writing about the kiss, thank you for your comment Cynthia,take care.

Comment is about How romantic (blog)

Original item by Jacqueline King

Cynthia Buell Thomas

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Mon 12th Jul 2010 13:01

IMO means 'in my opinion' to avoid sounding dictatorial or abusive in any way. Lots or WOLers use it. Glad you asked. I think this poem plays with more than you even 'think' it is playing with. Not unusual. So, the 'fight' of ideas continues with new minds. Ever thus. Onwards and upwards!

Comment is about Aesthetics (blog)

Original item by Hayden

Cynthia Buell Thomas

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Mon 12th Jul 2010 12:42

This is a terrific poem, written with great poetic skill. And you did jump in too soon. The universal ideas and superb vocabulary don't need to be harnessed by your particular purpose. And your confessed intent is biassed against atheists, almost a diatribe, a stand with which many readers could not agree. 'catholic' simply means 'universal'; it was not a real clue. I think, as Dave and Graham put it, the poem should be left to individual interpretation.

Comment is about Your Gift (blog)

Original item by Isobel

Cynthia Buell Thomas

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Mon 12th Jul 2010 12:37

Good piece, Alison, to highlight the effective uselessness of 'supportive' comments after bereavement. Especially when an honest answer given in confidence steers people off.
I find the alliterative 'p' simulates 'pecking' and is quite effective.

Comment is about Ambridge cries (blog)

Original item by Alison Smiles

Cynthia Buell Thomas

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Mon 12th Jul 2010 12:29

Strong, even though loose in context in some lines. It has a searching message that could be made into a vital poem with some careful review. It seems unlikely that the writer would ever really slash his/her wrists fatally. Too many ideas to relish.

Comment is about Message (blog)

Original item by Ian Nenna

Cynthia Buell Thomas

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Mon 12th Jul 2010 12:22

This is an unusual twist, imaginative, and very well done, too. I did like 'it's just surreal' assuming a wicked little twinkle in your eye. Brahms must be gentler than Strauss?

Comment is about How romantic (blog)

Original item by Jacqueline King

Isobel

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Mon 12th Jul 2010 12:22

Thanks for your comments - I am very grateful in this instance that my poem didn't languish on here uncommented on - it means a lot to me.
I should probably wait to explain my thinking until a number of people have ummed and aaaghed about it, but I can't be bothered.

I am arguing for tolerance amongst atheists as much as people of faith. I have no 'absolute' faith in anything but I do have doubts and where there is doubt, there is also hope - if that makes sense.
Just as people of faith shouldn't ram their religion in the faces of those who clearly do not want to believe, atheists should not seek to undermine and mock the beliefs of others - in my perfect little world, at least.....

Many thanks, one again. xx

Comment is about Your Gift (blog)

Original item by Isobel

Cynthia Buell Thomas

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Mon 12th Jul 2010 12:18

Delightful, Georgina. A personality encapsulated. I really enjoyed it. Maybe because I often laugh when I'm supposed to be serious; and I always kiss with my eyes open.

Comment is about Lucky Number Nine. (blog)

Naomi Hefter

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Mon 12th Jul 2010 11:01

thank you for your comment Isobel.. yeah, when I wrote it, it wasnt writen in the prop fashion, these words just came out as they were.. but I can see what your saying there :-)

Comment is about Naomi Hefter (blog)

Original item by Naomi Hefter

Jacqueline King

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Mon 12th Jul 2010 09:52

yes so glad someone got it, in u go, instead of inigo, love his character.

Comment is about Inugo (Jollifant) (blog)

Original item by Jacqueline King

Graham Sherwood

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Mon 12th Jul 2010 09:34

Good Companions??

Comment is about Inugo (Jollifant) (blog)

Original item by Jacqueline King

Graham Sherwood

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Mon 12th Jul 2010 09:32

I think that this is very clever for exactly the reasons Dave enquires about. The multi-layer idea is accessible to any way you look at it. The Nazi and Catholic references can either be actual or implied, very smart. Acrylic, acid, armoured are a bit of a tonguetwister though.Well done Isobel.

Comment is about Your Gift (blog)

Original item by Isobel

Graham Sherwood

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Mon 12th Jul 2010 09:27

Sombre piece Alison. Too many p's in the first two lines but I liked the idea of pecking at ears.
I think unlike your other introspective works there is no razor blade hidden in this one. For me it needs an clever edge.

Comment is about Ambridge cries (blog)

Original item by Alison Smiles

Dave Bradley

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Mon 12th Jul 2010 08:53

This is powerful but difficult to understand. It could be addressed to an individual, an organisation, a country or even a TV programme. How important is it for the reader to understand, or is it enough for us to project our own thoughts and anger on to the canvas provided?

Comment is about Your Gift (blog)

Original item by Isobel

Hayden

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Mon 12th Jul 2010 08:46

Heather: Haha! Well its not so much 'getting it' as enjoying it, so regardless of whether you saw what the writer wrote, your still write to see whatever you wanted to see within it.

Ann: It can be whatever you make it, I would be lying if I said that upon writing my own defiance against my parents fueled the passion of the creature within the text!

Poetry is what you make it.

Comment is about A Lions Eyes (blog)

Original item by Hayden

Hayden

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Mon 12th Jul 2010 08:43

Oh! I completely forgot...

Black, meaning in a light sense 'UV', so in my mind, i envisioned these two parallel systems - similar to two systeems of thought. There is the 'light' bulbs in society - rational, intellectual, meaningful - but there is also the black - nihilistic, pessimistic, critical, irrational - it plays with the dyadic's. Also, the idea being that philosophers rely on reason and rationality, yet some modern minds - Derrida, Nietzsche, can be said to be postmodern, and work against that, they are the black to the white.

Light and darkness typically engulf one another, they fight and one prevails over the other, so its almost like the argument in the piece - one tries to engulf the other, to make them wrong in order to satisfy their minds.

Hope that clears things up, theres more to it to be found, perhaps I'll write something on it someday.

Comment is about Aesthetics (blog)

Original item by Hayden

Hayden

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Mon 12th Jul 2010 08:34

Cynthia: It is rather a oxymoronic poem in its intellectualism and emotionalism! It does make me giggle, its subtle humour too, so it doesnt ruin the seriousness of the piece itself - which I think is important.

Perhaps a constant interpreter alienates others, however, I believe its an issue of courage and defiance - interpretation is opinion, in essence, so no one can be wrong (although, i most certainly understand what you mean).

And what does IMO mean?

Heather: Thankyou kindly, work on the fifth stanza will most certainly begin - it feels out of place grammatically with the rest of the piece, perhaps thats due to how I thought of the line as I wrote it, it came to mind like a reason - rather than a line of prose, so it came out like a politician, and I wrote it as it came to mind. But as you say, it doesn't quite fit.

I noticed on your profile that your looking for more critical commentary, perhaps I will glance over your work in he coming days and suggest things as you so helpfully have on my poems!

Thankyou both

Comment is about Aesthetics (blog)

Original item by Hayden

Heather

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Mon 12th Jul 2010 07:48

Not a problem Dave and thanks for explaining, I love learning these little historical details. That would be a fascinating place to visit, must make a note of it, thanks!

Comment is about Billy and the Flowers (blog)

Original item by Heather

Heather

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Mon 12th Jul 2010 07:47

Thanks Ann and Ray! Reserved should have been preserved, I've just corrected it XD Guess I need to get better at proof reading huh? I've always been a little unsure about verse three t0o, it's a little lyrical compared to the rest. Thanks for the help!

Comment is about Finger in the Dust (blog)

Original item by Heather

Dave Carr

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Mon 12th Jul 2010 06:59

I appear to have misled you - sorry. Eyam and the wells is not the name of a poem. I was reminded of the village of Eyam in Derbyshire that was affected by the plague. The villagers took the brave decision to quarantine themselves and cut the village off. It is a tourist attraction for this reason and the well dressing custom in Derbyshire where the village wells are decorated with flowers. Dave

Comment is about Billy and the Flowers (blog)

Original item by Heather

Dave Carr

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Mon 12th Jul 2010 06:55

Tweaked it for now - in an inglorious Tarantino kind of way.
That's how it appears on the monologues site. Will think about that line. Thanks for all comments everyone.
Dave

Comment is about Pasta (blog)

Original item by Dave Carr

Larisa Rzhepishevska

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Mon 12th Jul 2010 06:33

Hi, Tomas! Sad to read this poem, but it is very nice one. We have to speak about those horrible facts, to remind everyone that war is a crime.

Comment is about Srebrenica - Сребреница (blog)

Original item by Tomás Ó Cárthaigh

Larisa Rzhepishevska

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Mon 12th Jul 2010 05:33

Yes, Lynn, you are right. What would we do? Where would we be without our friends?
With warmest wishes, Larisa

Comment is about Friendship (blog)

Original item by Lynn Dye

ray miller

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Mon 12th Jul 2010 01:08

Very tender. I like the idea of these things and associated memories being preserved in poems.
You're coming back to Malvern again, I see! Enjoyed the show lots last year. See you then.

Comment is about It's Made Of Wire (blog)

Original item by Attila the Stockbroker

ray miller

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Mon 12th Jul 2010 00:29

Dianna. Thanks very much for your comments on Stroke.Now you mention about birds transporting souls, yes I have heard of that, but that didn't inform the poem at all.

Comment is about (Poet profile)

ray miller

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Mon 12th Jul 2010 00:23

Heather. Thanks for your comments on Stroke.Glad you liked it.

Comment is about Heather (Poet profile)

Original item by Heather

ray miller

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Mon 12th Jul 2010 00:19

Hello Heather.I find this remarkably mature writing for a 20 year-old.Powerful too.Not so sure about the 3rd verse and the brackets but the rest is very good. The first verse is quite exquisite, I think. "reserved in nursery bliss"-reserved seems an odd choice of word.

Comment is about Finger in the Dust (blog)

Original item by Heather

Dianna Hardy

Sun 11th Jul 2010 23:57

Hi Lynn - sexy stuff! Loved reading both this one and your free verse and liked them both for different reasons. All in all, I think the free verse flows better and sounds more sophisticated, BUT... you have some beautiful moments in this one. I love the 6th stanza, where all of a sudden you capture feelings of genuine love and affection between these two hot bodies and it adds a certain depth to the piece. I liked the rhyme in the 7th stanza - too hot to handle indeed! - and its lightheartedness adds a buoyancy to the poem. I love that you can write about anything and I really look forward to reading more of your work. Many thanks for sharing. Dianna.

Comment is about Flesh (blog)

Original item by Lynn Dye

Dianna Hardy

Sun 11th Jul 2010 23:43

Hi Ray, you had me hooked in the first two lines. This is a truly amazing piece and I've got to ask... did you know that birds, in many cultures, spiritually symbolise the guardians of the veil between earth and heaven (or whatever heaven is) and often are said to carry the souls of those passed over through the veil to the other side? Whether intentional or not, knowing this made gave the poem extra meaning for me. Thanks for sharing. Dianna

Comment is about Stroke (blog)

Dianna Hardy

Sun 11th Jul 2010 23:30

Hi Andy. Loved your sample poems! Animals In Their Bags makes me think of my daughter and her friends (all around 14 months) - I found the poem very real and true to life, especially the last line - the adult who just has sandwiches in his / her bag (and if anything like me, now feels a little silly for not having an animal in their bag too!). Brief Encounters is hilarious with its unexpected ending and Perfect Place is simply beautiful - I've also been to this perfect place and I think you've captured it beautifully for anyone else who's been there too! You capture the scene in all your poems really well and I have no problems imagining I'm right there. Looking forward to reading more. Dianna

Comment is about Andy N (Poet profile)

Original item by Andy N

winston plowes

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Sun 11th Jul 2010 23:20

Saw you in the sauna Cabaret tent at Glasto... Phew what a scorcher. Winston.

Comment is about Attila the Stockbroker (Poet profile)

Original item by Attila the Stockbroker

Dianna Hardy

Sun 11th Jul 2010 23:15

Hi Cynthia. Thanks for sharing this poem. I love that the reader knows in the very first stanza that this will not be a happy story ("Fate forged shackles with no key.")and the whole thing reminds me of Romeo and Juliet, where you also know in the first few lines that the story ends in death. You set the scene beautifully all the way through the poem right through 'til the bitter end. Would be interested to read the first version! Look forward to reading more. Dianna.

Comment is about Beloved (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

Dianna Hardy

Sun 11th Jul 2010 22:43

Hi Marianne. Have read both your blog entries and got to say that I love the way you use your words: Dark, edgy and challenging! You conjure up amazing imagery with every stanza, producing thought-provoking poetry that is a pleasure to read again and again. I think you have an essence of Bronte about you - something gothic and romantic about your writing. Very much look forward to reading more. Thanks for sharing. Dianna

Comment is about 101 (blog)

Original item by Marianne Daniels

winston plowes

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Sun 11th Jul 2010 22:31

yes, more blogs pleas heather :-) Win

Comment is about Heather (Poet profile)

Original item by Heather

Banksy

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Sun 11th Jul 2010 22:09

Hi - many thanks. B

Comment is about the graveyard shift (blog)

Original item by Banksy

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