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chris yates

Thu 14th Apr 2011 19:07

So very true...scribbled notebook of cliches...aww takes me back to long hard working days...i'm free!!!

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Ann Foxglove

Thu 14th Apr 2011 18:28

Home Page Redesign - I wrote a response to this - I couldn't get the thread to accept my response - still can't!!! That's why I started my own thread. ("Oi!")

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Ann Foxglove

Thu 14th Apr 2011 18:23

Very scary - this is a world of which I know nothing of - thank god!!!!

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Julian (Admin)

Thu 14th Apr 2011 17:47

how true! It's like working for Write Out LOud! get me out, get me out! Oh, I am out. damn!

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Ann Foxglove

Thu 14th Apr 2011 16:58

I do like poems that are about real experiences! Now I'm wondering about you - were you doing medical training at the time? This is another poem that I like, it's so interesting apart from anything else! And that mug of tea just makes it.

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Ann Foxglove

Thu 14th Apr 2011 16:55

"A greasy, miserable wench,
who owns no redemption."

is fab! A really strong mature poem Kath - though I agree with Ray that she does not suit the word "bland." Unless in a way she is like two people in one?xx

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Jon

Thu 14th Apr 2011 16:18

Good poem John;interesting comments about behaviour and upbringing from other poets too.
Maybe some people can't/won't be helped,whilst others unknowingly act the way they do due to the environment they were raised in?

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Jon

Thu 14th Apr 2011 15:00

Enjoyed this,Isobel! Easy to read,but a bittersweetness to your observations! Funny as well,the academic 'carbon',contrasted with 'why,no,it's love'.Lovely!x

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John Togher

Thu 14th Apr 2011 13:09

Great poem.

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John Togher

Thu 14th Apr 2011 13:00

Cheers for the recommendation Rachel, I'll get on it ;)

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Ann Foxglove

Thu 14th Apr 2011 12:25

Sorry Julian - I just didn't switch the recording off when I thought I had - I know I should re-do it but I was feeling too lazy! I should be able to chop the end off myself (if you see what I mean!) That's all! :) Someone else did that a while ago - naming no names - I listened to him read his poem, then he finished, then he sighed, then he sipped a nice cup of tea (well, it SOUNDED like tea!) then he sighed. Went on for about five minutes!

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Julian (Admin)

Thu 14th Apr 2011 12:10

How do you mean "edit the audio", Ann? We don't (yet) have audio editing facilites on the site, but you can re-do the audio if you want to, then simply click on edit and replace the current onw with another. Is that what you mean?

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Ray Miller

Thu 14th Apr 2011 12:09

Would you describe her as bland, though? Don't sound it. Greasy, miserable wench is lovely.Liked the last verse a lot, last line especially.Nice poem. It's exaggerate, by the way - I've had trouble with that word for years.

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Ray Miller

Thu 14th Apr 2011 12:02

A stubbly neck - not a chin! A scurrilous mat!? Enjoyed the poem though I keep wanting to see scratched and scratched and scratched rather than purred.

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Isobel

Thu 14th Apr 2011 12:01

Impossible to judge the person without knowing them. I think as a writer, you paint a very strong picture of hatred for them though.

The last verse does make you feel for that person though, regardless of the faults they may have.

The poem is strong in its open endedness and the way it's made me think.

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Julian (Admin)

Thu 14th Apr 2011 11:36

It is an interesting question whether blogs are finished work, or work in progress. Obviously they are whatever you want them to be, but I wonder how others view them?
I have posted a discussion about this: http://www.writeoutloud.net/public/newsgroupview.php?NewsThreadsID=1229
cheers

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Ann Foxglove

Thu 14th Apr 2011 11:34

Ooops! How DO you edit your blinkin' audios? (yeah, and this couple are even older'an ME!! :)

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Terry White

Thu 14th Apr 2011 11:32

Hey Petrova, thanks for the comments, I'm glad you enjoyed it.

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Petrova Fairhurst

Thu 14th Apr 2011 11:28

Lovely, capturing a moment so gently, a pleasure to read, made me ache for such a moment - I love it when a poem makes me feel :) x

Ah, how different after reading the comments, on the surface this piece seemed one thing but peel back a little & it's something else & I definitely don't want a moment full of delusion - just got out of a relationship like that!!

Cracking piece all the same, though I now feel sad for the guy & a bit sorry for myself - lol!

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Isobel

Thu 14th Apr 2011 11:27

Oh Ann - if only we could learn to be attracted to flea bitten and stubbly....

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Petrova Fairhurst

Thu 14th Apr 2011 11:23

Hi Banksy, I don't usually hold with repetition in poems, once I've got the idea I want to move to the next, but in this piece I find it adds to the dreamy quality which I like very much, cheers :)

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Julian (Admin)

Thu 14th Apr 2011 11:17

lovely Charlene, exotic feel to it.

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Petrova Fairhurst

Thu 14th Apr 2011 11:07

Fantastic, you caught the essence of being caught very well.

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Petrova Fairhurst

Thu 14th Apr 2011 10:59

I kinda feel sorry for her, but then I don't have your take on the character Laura ;)

I imagine it would be a vain attempt to help this person but me being me I'd try anyway - lol!

Very well described Kath, I get a clear picture of someone quite repulsive, not necessarily in how they look but how they feel to be around.

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Julian (Admin)

Thu 14th Apr 2011 10:49

Hi Trev
Sounds like quite a trip you are having there. clever rhyming commnetary. keep it coming.
Is Austin the US answer to Much Wenlock, or vice-versa?

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Laura Taylor

Thu 14th Apr 2011 10:26

Thanks for comment on Ohrwurm Dave - yes, 'earworm' is a loan translation from the German ohrwurm, so an interesting word all on its own, never mind the poem itself. The poem seems to be introducing earworms all over however - I did it to myself last night and was Hawaii Five-Oing all bloody night.

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Laura Taylor

Thu 14th Apr 2011 10:21

Hi again - yeh, have always been absolutely fascinated by the human body, and I know this sounds a bit wrong, but even when I was a kid I wanted to cut dead bodies open to see what they looked like inside. I am endlessly fascinated by the workings of the body. I quite often sit there doing nothing but listening to and feeling all the stuff that's going on, without my control - totally miraculous mechanism.

Re Six Feet Under, some of the deaths were just hilarious weren't they? The woman/car/road sign was my fave :D :D It was a bugger though for getting grit in your eye - I sobbed at least once for every single bloody episode!

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Philipos

Thu 14th Apr 2011 10:14

Hi Laura - thanks for commenting on Combustion and good luck to you if you do decide to go for a career change - and yes I did watch Six Feet Under quite compelling viewing I thought and ground breaking entertainment - I tried not to miss an episode x

Hi Laura - re: Combustion again, yes there were definitely some hiccups in the series SFU like the woman who after a post mortem supposedly died of choking and yet was shown on TV stretched out on the slab without any cut marks but it was grand series in spite of that

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Laura Taylor

Thu 14th Apr 2011 10:13

Mornin banksy

I've given up trying to predict what people will like and what they won't! I'm now on the tack of if it amuses me or makes me think in some way, that'll do for me.

Reet - Carlos. Aye, finished it ages ago. Well, I say finished, that last bit bored the shite out of me so I didn't read much of that. I did love the rest of it though, but had a sneaking suspicion that don Juan was psyching him out with that last scary trip, don't you? I bet you're going to come back and tell me it's the last bit that changed your life, aren't you? ;p

I wouldn't say it blew my mind, no - not like, say, Maya Angelou's autobiographical series did, or Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison. Or the bible come to that! Or Lolita, or Master and Margarita - sorry, have been a voracious reader all my life, so plenty already has blown my mind :)

Any recommends for anything else you think I might like? Any others by Carlos?

Cheers ears x

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Philipos

Thu 14th Apr 2011 10:06

Hi Steve - guess my insight goes to well before all these modern series like NCIS etc but these were memorable events nevertheless often mixed with tragedy and unexpected humour plus invariably a cleaning bill after attendance - and yes that poignant tea mug resting on the slab just too bizarre

Hi Laura - good luck to you if you do decide to go for a career change - and yes I did watch Six Feet Under quite compelling viewing I thought and ground breaking entertainment(no pun intended) - I tried not to miss an episode x

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Laura Taylor

Thu 14th Apr 2011 10:03

*puts Rachel on ignore*

Isobel - red rag accepted ;p I remained a nightmare into my 20s, and it was only when I had my daughter at 23 that I actually settled down. There's some other stuff involved, but it wasn't just down to my intellect, unfortunately. So according to your logic, I shouldn't have reproduced. But I did, and not only did I 'improve', I introduced a hugely polite, considerate and caring person (my daughter) to the rest of society.

I think most people who behave 'badly' do so because of a cycle being repeated. Bullies and psychos, in my experience, have suffered themselves.

I'll give you the luck bit though - cos sometimes, that does come into play ;)

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Laura Taylor

Thu 14th Apr 2011 09:46

Glad I clicked on this to read it properly, because the front page doesn't show the line structure properly

Great first haiku!

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Laura Taylor

Thu 14th Apr 2011 09:43

I liked this a lot too - am considering working in a mortuary as a complete change of 'career'. You evoke the sights and smells very well, and like steve, I think the ending is very neat and it has a lovely touch to it.

You ever watched an HBO series called Six Feet Under? Reckon you'd enjoy that :)

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Laura Taylor

Thu 14th Apr 2011 09:38

Christ - this could be about my mother! Except she's more evil.

I liked this in a quietly venomous kind of way - the seething hate (too strong a word?) pushing out of your pores for this person.

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Laura Taylor

Thu 14th Apr 2011 09:36

Ooo - been there, done that. Knew pretty much within the first couple of lines where this was going.

These lines brought memories and goosebumps back for me:

Try to read the signs...
Walk away before

The next smack in the face
For smiling at a stranger.
Gave the excuses,
His penitent head, resting
All night in your lap.
Plan your escape,
Then swallow the map (ESPECIALLY this line)

I understand why people stay. It's because your self becomes gradually eroded, you accept more and more of it, and that combined with the fear of yet more violence leads to a place of stasis. You believe them over and over when they tell you 'no more', because you're desperate to believe it. Plus there are usually threats of what they will do to you if you do leave, and there's the crippling shame of others finding out just exactly what you are tolerating.

Thanks for sharing this Jacqueline - brave poem, and if it is autobiographical, then it sounds like you have come out the other end.

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andy n

Thu 14th Apr 2011 08:09

some interesting points raised here regarding the youth in wigan.. last time i was there the other year - ended up watching man city get beat wigan and ended up on the train going back with john oddly enough when the city fans made a right unholy racket and set a fire exchingser if my memory is correct during the journey.. fun days..

john - your poem to summed up those memories for me and i love the way it comes full circle.

generally for the record i was a good kid (had a bad time at secondary school thou) - all went wrong for me when i started going to the pub when i was 17 and generally started going out! lol

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Banksy

Wed 13th Apr 2011 20:41

thanks for the comments (a kind of heaven).I wrote this about 2-3 yrs ago but it took me a while to decide if it was "worthy" of posting - funny - folks seem to like it !- there's no accounting for taste... I like it, but I didn't think most would "get it". Ta. B.
BTW - how's it going with carlos ? are you bored with it yet? or has it blown your mind like me??

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Chris Co

Wed 13th Apr 2011 20:39

Julian said it all really...I couldn't agree more. Particulary in reference to the hook being 'catch the moment'.

Very well written Jacqueline.

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Banksy

Wed 13th Apr 2011 20:37

Hi-thanks for the comments (a kind of heaven).
I wrote this about 2-3 yrs ago but it took me a while to decide if it was "worthy" of posting - funny - folks seem to like it !
- there's no accounting for taste... I like it, but I didn't think most would "get it". Ta. B

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Banksy

Wed 13th Apr 2011 20:36

thanks for the comments (a kind of heaven).
I wrote this about 2-3 yrs ago but it took me a while to decide if it was "worthy" of posting - funny - folks seem to like it !
- there's no accounting for taste... I like it, but I didn't think most would "get it". Ta. B

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Banksy

Wed 13th Apr 2011 20:31

thanks for the comments :)

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Julian (Admin)

Wed 13th Apr 2011 18:52

It is the 'catching of the moment' that hooks you in to reading on, that makes this powerful beyond sentimental 'aint it awful' writing.
This is the stuff of great drama, the psychologist's eternal question: what is it that happens in 'that moment' when behaviour changes, zero to one, OK to not OK?
Powerful stuff Jacqui.

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Dave Bradley

Wed 13th Apr 2011 18:45

Enjoyable - possibly not technically great, but what do I know and who cares anyway - 'twas good stuff. I was told about ohrwurms years ago by a German friend and thought then what a great word. It does seem to have migrated to English now.

Damn - you've got me humming 'The Beat goes on'

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Dave Bradley

Wed 13th Apr 2011 18:40

I like this. It gives the reader just enough to stimulate the imagination. I could feel the heat.

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Dave Bradley

Wed 13th Apr 2011 18:30

Powerful - abuse is disgraceful and you've expressed living on the edge well. There was a radio programme last year which gave some stats. There was a remarkable one about the average number of attempts it took an abused woman to leave - it was some incredible number like 37. But maybe that's not so unbelievable to someone who's been through it.

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Rachel Bond

Wed 13th Apr 2011 18:10

'i was an nightmare teenager and i turned out ok' this laura lovely is debatable. ;)

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Rachel Bond

Wed 13th Apr 2011 18:07

you could try watching 'slutty girl gets f*cked at a bus stop'Starring Kerri Sable good example of that quick f*ck nostalgia ;)

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Isobel

Wed 13th Apr 2011 17:45

This is a scary one Jacqueline. I have never suffered physical abuse but you express the fear well - also the strange way that victims get hooked into the repeated cycle.

I guess, as with all conditions, it is something that gradually gets worse with age and familiarity. The drip drip of a tap that becomes a full flow. It probably takes some waking up to.

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Isobel

Wed 13th Apr 2011 17:04

Perhaps there is an element of luck in how we all turn out. You are an intelligent woman who can think for herself Laura - also a strong one that doesn't go with the flow - that probably helps.

I have no answers about over population. I just wish that anti-social hooligans didn't reproduce. The odds say they are likely to produce more anti social hooligans. I realise this is like waving a red rag to the proverbial bull - but so be it :)

John - you probably turned out OK because you had parents who cared enough to worry about the bad influence of other kids. I'm not saying that you aren't an intelligent man who can't think for himself, mind...

I'd agree with Julian about the absence of identity/jobs/careers being a problem also. It's sad that we should all rely on labour for a sense of identity isn't it? Being occupied certainly gets you into less trouble though - also keeps depression and lack of purpose at bay...

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Laura Taylor

Wed 13th Apr 2011 16:12

Isobel - back in the early 80s, we had a local youth club, with pool tables etc. Know what we did? Threw pool balls at each other and broke the cues over each other. My daughter and her mates are WAY more polite and sociable than we ever were, and they have nowhere like that to go, and no facilities at all.

Less youths being born...got a plan for that?

In my experience, teenagers enjoy being social pariahs, and actively seek out places in which to behave as such.

Last thing - I was a nightmare teenager, and I turned out alright in the end. ;)

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