Chris Dawson

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Wed 26th Jan 2011 22:18

Hi there,
Thanks for reading and commenting on 'Almost' - always very much appreciated.
I was actually the eldest of two, and the only certainty about our finances was that there was absolutely no money for anything - hence the cupboard under the table was the house for the paper dolls I'd drawn myself.
Obviously the poem not quite working :)
Cx

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Philipos

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Wed 26th Jan 2011 22:12

I like this cameo especially 'stars try to overcome the harbour lights' the piccy's good too

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Chris Dawson

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Wed 26th Jan 2011 22:09

Thanks Dave, for reading and commenting on 'Almost' ... very much appreciated.
Cx

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Isobel

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Wed 26th Jan 2011 22:06

It's more than a social - it's a community, a caring one. It's your call though. x

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kath hewitt

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Wed 26th Jan 2011 21:25

Isobel,

Thank you once again for reading and taking the time to comment.

RE tudor, it's a social event and i dont really do social ( ask steven kenny lol) but i appreciate the invite x

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kath hewitt

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Wed 26th Jan 2011 21:22

hi Dave and thank you for reading x

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kath hewitt

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Wed 26th Jan 2011 21:22

Hi
thanks again for reading and commenting x

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kath hewitt

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Wed 26th Jan 2011 21:22

Hi
thanks again for reading and commenting x

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kath hewitt

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Wed 26th Jan 2011 21:21

Hi Elaine,

Thank you for reading and commenting on my childhood rainbow poem.

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Elaine Booth

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Wed 26th Jan 2011 20:46

Very thought-provoking, Ray. I particularly liked the first verse: "visitors welcome within reason" with the play on the word reason - very good.

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Rachel Bond

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Wed 26th Jan 2011 20:44

this is great marianne, i am working on a sestina now as ive been inspired but bloody hell, not an easy one...ill post it whether i think it good or not, just to see what you think x

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Elaine Booth

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Wed 26th Jan 2011 20:42

This was a joy to read. Very evocative and wonderful to think that you got this lovely poem from memories brought back to you by a faulty old photo.

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Original item by Anna Percy

Rachel Bond

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Wed 26th Jan 2011 20:39

i really like the ideas of husks and even corpse is right for me, endings and beginnings within one night, during sleep that all sounds good to me, its only the slithering snake bit...
i think its the dark imagery that makes the poem beautiful, so please dont edit it too much x

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Original item by Rebecca Audra Smith

Elaine Booth

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Wed 26th Jan 2011 20:39

I do quite like "corpse-still" as the poem poses the question - where does one go when asleep: the body is left behind, as if dead. For me it wasn't so much the "snake skin" as the "slither". I'd suggest if anything you look at this word as that might be all that's needed. Still, whatever any of us take from your poem has got to be good - it's moved us all, one way or another. I liked it a lot.

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Original item by Rebecca Audra Smith

Elaine Booth

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Wed 26th Jan 2011 20:32

I like this very much and the idea of picking random words is very appealing. Really inspiring stuff!

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Original item by Marianne Daniels

Elaine Booth

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Wed 26th Jan 2011 20:24

Like the referencing of Auden and his comments on free verse. A very fulfiling, complete and pleasing poem.

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Philipos

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Wed 26th Jan 2011 20:19

Hi Geoffrey - thought this was a very nice cameo - unusual topic an ode to a shirt but it is that originality that makes it work for me

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Elaine Booth

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Wed 26th Jan 2011 20:18

Very true Dave and well put. Got writing about how holy and sacred connections between people can be, today. There is something deeper that can go on if we let it which is, the Greeks would say, agape.

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Original item by Dave Bradley

Philipos

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Wed 26th Jan 2011 20:14

You bring this picture to us beautifully with all the nostalgia that only old photos can - well done

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Original item by Anna Percy

Elaine Booth

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Wed 26th Jan 2011 20:11

Liking your minimal phase very much, Ann. This is wonderful - it could be interpreted as what was written on the hand reveals the true heart. x

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Elaine Booth

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Wed 26th Jan 2011 20:07

Thanks for your comments on Obit. Your support on the night was much appreciated. Glad you think it stands up to be read over too. Quite a surprise really as it seemed almost throw-away when I wrote it and only picked it out to read when I was up there on the night. The grape spoke, not I!

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Elaine Booth

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Wed 26th Jan 2011 20:04

Jules, thanks for your comment on Obit. Would be great to see your version though - maybe you'll change your mind?

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stefan wilde

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Wed 26th Jan 2011 20:03

oodid dat one den? please Ms...xx

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Philipos

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Wed 26th Jan 2011 20:02

Hi Ray - I live in a house built in the former grounds of an asylum fortunately they kept the main Victorian building as a heritage refurb - your poem reminds us not only of our social history but the appalling treatment of inmates' echoes as in one flew over the cuckoo's nest - the fetid odour a vivid and haunting image of the past

In your last stanza you say 'A sign requests' instead of 'suggests' or 'indicates' which some might say is more accurate - always difficult with signs I know

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Elaine Booth

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Wed 26th Jan 2011 20:01

Dave, many thanks for your comment on Obit. Quite agree - I felt it was a bit throw-away but got some great compliments on it when I did it at the Tudor. Feel like I am tuning my ear into what works best in that forum but still a long way to go! :-)

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Elaine Booth

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Wed 26th Jan 2011 19:59

Many thanks for your comments on Obit. Honestly I take it as great praise from you, as I rate your work in performance poetry very highly. I definitely agree - some poetry just doesn't suit the Tudor nights setting at all. All poetry should be read out loud but you do have to choose your setting carefully & be aware of the audience. I feel like I am gradually tuning into what works for the different settings but it's quite an education!
And yeah, no sex! Case of no sex please, we're British!! Too cerebral, not earthy enough! xxx

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Elaine Booth

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Wed 26th Jan 2011 19:51

Thanks for your comment on Obit. Not based on anyone. Grew out of a writing group idea and the sense that most obits are about the great and the good, not ordinary folk. Love your haikus. XX

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Ann Foxglove

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Wed 26th Jan 2011 19:21

I liked this a lot too!

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Original item by Anna Percy

ray miller

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Wed 26th Jan 2011 19:15

Enjoyed this a lot, captures a sense of place very well.
Cloud is most of the photo - seems an odd construction. Most of the photo is cloud?
I wondered about the bear brought to the top of the hill. A toy bear?
wind buffeted should maybe have a hyphen.
The hills, like a shaken sheet,

There's lots of nice lines, that was my favourite.





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Original item by Anna Percy

Dave Carr

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Wed 26th Jan 2011 19:09

There used to be a machine in York railway Museum that had a film of the Night Mail and allowed you to repeat and record your own words. Strictly for kids (but mine never got a look in.)

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John Coopey

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Wed 26th Jan 2011 18:57

Thanks, K, for your thoughts on Breakfast of Champions. This is what poetry's about, I say!

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Rebecca Audra

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Wed 26th Jan 2011 18:54

That's a good point, horror movie moment! I shall definately change it from snake skin to chrysalis. I guess that bit is darker in imagery because I was thinking of the nightmare part of that night, I did think of removing the word 'corpse' from that line also, not sure that fits it either. Hmmm, thanks for the comments!

Comment is about As you sleep (blog)

Original item by Rebecca Audra Smith

John Coopey

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Wed 26th Jan 2011 18:51

Thanks, Dave, for your thoughts on Night Mail. Yes the Auden original is a cracker, isn't it?
I note your suggestion that I should be in a museum. The kids think my clothes should already be there, so it would something of a reunion for them.

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Rachel Bond

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Wed 26th Jan 2011 18:29

'your body eloquent as a choir corpse still your bones were singing'
'you are a hymn to sleep'

there is some gorgeous imagery in here. beautiful words...
the only spoil for me was the soul slithering in the brain and snake husks...i like the idea of sleep as a chrysalis and couples merging and changing together, but the word sliver just mad me think of her brain being eaten out and full of snakes like a bad horror movie was it intended to explain how the writer is feeling?...i mention it cos it spoilt the rest of the read as this image was so strong and had to read it again and miss it out
i do think its an awesome poem still x

Comment is about As you sleep (blog)

Original item by Rebecca Audra Smith

Philipos

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Wed 26th Jan 2011 18:17

Tornado? Very scary that - what in the UK?

Yes the library again - such a rich source of local goings on especially when the rain drives people inside and thanks for commenting on Precipitation

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Original item by Philipos

Dave Carr

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Wed 26th Jan 2011 18:15

Hi Laura.
The reason I am usually late commenting is I don't seem to get enough time to read this site. When I do I usually can't drag myself away so I sometimes go back to older stuff. There must be loads of good stuff I never see.

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Ann Foxglove

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Wed 26th Jan 2011 18:13

Beautiful poem.

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Original item by Rebecca Audra Smith

Dave Carr

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Wed 26th Jan 2011 18:11

I really enjoyed this. I think there is a place for you at York Railway Museum (in the nicest possible way). Some railway nostalgia there for me too.
I am a fan of Auden and you have captured the rhythm and rhyme of the original well.

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Original item by John Coopey

Dave Carr

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Wed 26th Jan 2011 17:54

Hi,
Thanks for your comments on Burns Night. I see from your profile you like me enjoy a parody.

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Dave Carr

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Wed 26th Jan 2011 17:52

Thanks for comments on Burns Night.
Macleod and Macallan - both whiskies. Dave

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Dave Carr

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Wed 26th Jan 2011 17:50

Thanks for comments on Burns Night. Those Jocks know how to have a good time. Are you a black belt in Origami?

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Dave Carr

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Wed 26th Jan 2011 17:46

Hi Isobel,
Thanks for comments on Burns Night. Missed out on the Tudor last month. Hope to make it next time.

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Dave Carr

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Wed 26th Jan 2011 17:43

Hi,
Thanks for reading and commenting on Burns Night.

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Dave Carr

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Wed 26th Jan 2011 17:40

This is great. I know from experience that it isn't easy but you have made the words knit together so well.

Comment is about Reading (Sestina) (blog)

Original item by Marianne Daniels

Dave Carr

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Wed 26th Jan 2011 17:37

Thanks for your very kind comment on Burns Night. Much appreciated.

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stefan wilde

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Wed 26th Jan 2011 17:23

cant be there Jules-the least I can do is wish you good luck!-SW.

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stefan wilde

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Wed 26th Jan 2011 17:17

no better advice so beautifully worded-thanks-SW.x

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stefan wilde

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Wed 26th Jan 2011 17:15

Agree with Marianne-both you Ladies have similar and wonderful styles-thanks.SW.xx

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Original item by Rebecca Audra Smith

Francine

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Wed 26th Jan 2011 17:14

I love this, Janet!
It is so positive and meditative...
Reminds me of when I do yoga - breathe/just be...
And lavender calms, and smells so heavenly too : )

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stefan wilde

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Wed 26th Jan 2011 17:13

Many thanks Jules-and they call this sport? yeah right!! turns my stomach.best to you sir-SW.

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