Sun 16th May 2010 20:53
Cynthia. Thank you for your feedback. 'Esoteric' is a rather grand term to use, my friends and family usually use something along the lines of 'childish' or 'idiocy'. As an Edinburgh writer, it seemed perfect to name the poem after one of the city's greatest sons (albeit in dog form) even although it has next to nothing to do with him.
Comment is about GREYFRIARS BOABY (blog)
Original item by Peter Mowat Poetry
Sun 16th May 2010 20:36
As you know I lived on the patch for 24 years and yes the girls on the game are part of the reality. But tourists? What part do you live in, I never saw any. Maybe it's poetic licence in what is a powerful poem.
There's another side to Kensington - positive stuff happening. It's a right old mix
Comment is about Kensington (blog)
Original item by Tommy Carroll
Sun 16th May 2010 20:34
Lovely sentiments Dave : )
p.s. If someone texted me those words - I think my heart would melt.
Comment is about To a friend (blog)
Original item by Dave Bradley
Sun 16th May 2010 20:27
Very powerful. I hope one day you will be able to write a different sort of poem about her
Comment is about Borderline (blog)
Original item by Hilary Walker
Sun 16th May 2010 20:26
I agree with what has already been said...
Fabulous lines and references!
'she taught me French and schizophrenia
when I only desired to be between her.'
'a gun in my hand and a dying arab,
the farewell note when I wake from sleep,'
"Parce que, tu es un stereotype."
Comment is about Gloria (blog)
Sun 16th May 2010 20:25
Hmph! - I've come over all decaffeinated now....
Comment is about Tosspot! (blog)
Original item by Cate
Sun 16th May 2010 20:23
Good evening Lynn-many thanks for commenting on 'Liquid observance' Good luck with your desire to become published.Also I like your varied taste in poetry.I think it requires that variation without doubt-my gratitude to you-Stefan.
Comment is about Lynn Dye (Poet profile)
Original item by Lynn Dye
Sun 16th May 2010 20:21
Nice one Cate
Sun 16th May 2010 20:11
Ray, this made me smile with pleasure. I too liked the lines: "she was three years my senior,/ she taught me French and schizophrenia" but also, rather to my surprise, "in this life it's shit or be shat on", which has a wonderful, forceful rhythm to it. I also enjoyed the references to Patti Smith and Camus, who, I'm sure you know, was also a goalkeeper. I used to possess a treasured Philosophy Football sweatshirt with the words 'All that I know most surely about morality and obligations I owe to football,” emblazoned on it. Sadly I no longer fit it.
Sun 16th May 2010 19:36
I like this, Stefan, good one!
Comment is about Liquid observance (blog)
Original item by Patricia and Stefan Wilde
Sun 16th May 2010 19:30
Comment is about Devotion is the Motion (blog)
Original item by Josh Coates
Sun 16th May 2010 18:50
an original clever poem
Comment is about M I D Walrus? (blog)
Original item by Tim King
Sun 16th May 2010 18:48
brilliant theme, death and the changes or lack of them.
Comment is about the dustman (blog)
Original item by Banksy
Sun 16th May 2010 18:08
Mmmm... Quelques lignes un peu risquées là dedans...
Et tu n'étais pas complètement seul quand même...
J'étais avec toi jusqu'au moment où tu as disparu - LOL
Alors... Tu es sorti ou tu t'es endormi ?
Comment is about Alone in Canada (blog)
Original item by Richard Seddon
Sun 16th May 2010 17:51
Or coffee cup even!! lol...
Sun 16th May 2010 17:40
I'm not sure you ever had it Banksy - twas but a storm in a teacup...
Sun 16th May 2010 17:25
Cynthia, please don't call me Mr Miller. It brings back so many unpleasant courtroom memories.I read on a thread last week a few folks bemoaning the absence of "constructive criticism". I'm trying to give some - whether you like it or not!!
So, would a child go from this: Jeez, Dad,” says the kid. “It’s a homo
In woman’s stuff! Is he crazy!”
But, Jeez, Dad,” says the boy,
“What if he doesn’t want to play anymore?
What if he doesn’t care who knows?
What if he has to be a woman?”
Myself, I think it unlikely, implausible. But I like the poem, I especially like the poetry of the first verse. It's hoi polloi, by the way.
Best Wishes, Ray
Comment is about Morning on the Mall (blog)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
Sun 16th May 2010 17:21
give me back me thunder
Sun 16th May 2010 17:15
Superb story telling a very clever
Cynthia Buell Thomas
Sun 16th May 2010 17:00
I love this, Marianne. I've been a while getting back to it. So many expressions, images, devices are just plain inspiring and satisfying. 'the weather between the pestle and mortar' is fab, like so many others. You are a leader.
Comment is about THE VINDICTIVE VOWEL (or the deflated self). (blog)
Original item by Marianne Daniels
Sun 16th May 2010 16:51
This is actually quite funny, and a great social comment. It seems to have run away with the writer like a stagecoach jolting off the road behind horses on 'uppers', completely uncontrollable by the driver. I think if this were tightened up a lot, keeping really good bits and jettisoning unnecessary stuff, it would be half as long and really super.
Comment is about Super Size Super Skinny (blog)
Original item by Kate Tym
Sun 16th May 2010 16:33
You have a talent for the sharp and satirical. I don't know why there are no other comments. I'm looking forward to more of your work. But please don't take that as an invitation to 'dump a dozen'. (See recent Discussion thread.)
Comment is about MASS DEBATING (blog)
Sun 16th May 2010 16:27
Good one. Like the currency of the subject. We all wonder what interviewers (and interviewees) must really be thinking as we 'read' facial expressions and body language. Great title.
Comment is about NEWSKNIGHT (blog)
Sun 16th May 2010 16:22
Terrific, short, clever and hard-hitting. This sharp jab hits women too, make no mistake. I wonder how many readers recognized Grey Friars Bobby. Is the title maybe a bit too esoteric?
Sun 16th May 2010 16:18
Very heartfelt and personal... The first and last verses are powerful.
Sun 16th May 2010 16:17
I also like this,Joseph. You have some novel turns of phrase like 'exams are just observing me'; wishing for a 'heaven sent linquistic instrument' really good. And the idea of 'seventeen and still in nursery'. I truly enjoyed it. Take Mr Miller's advice. Perhaps just giving your original thoughts a bit of space before posting will strengthen them, because 'weak' words will jump out at you. It's a good policy for the seriously interested. Keep writing.
Comment is about Progressive paralysis (blog)
Original item by Joseph Kennedy
Sun 16th May 2010 16:16
Thanks Val, I've not written anything for such a long time, but woke up yesterday with these words in my mind.
Sun 16th May 2010 16:05
Spontaneous knock-out upper cut. Who cares about finesse! The champ is floored.
Sun 16th May 2010 15:40
Thank you all for reading such a long posting and still commenting as well. I maintain that children are often far more aware of current issues than adults are. They are all ears and eyes from the telly hours, the adults' 'private' conversations, and the 'schoolyard discussions'. My extended family has three homosexual members, all open now, one previously married with two children. His partner also has a family. Children talk freely and pointedly without shame; adults circumnavigate their conversations for many reasons.
Mr Miller, the opening verse was a deliberate 'poetical' setting of the scene, intoducing with high tone the 'hoi polloi' who make up the opinions of the general world, to contrast with the reality of the individual situation. Later these same 'people' become the reactive 'voice' of the public.
Sun 16th May 2010 15:21
Yes... I agree with TC.
You have expressed such sweet and touching sentiments here...
'But there seemed to be this one...
I admire how she wrote to me everyday...
Commitment not seen in any relationship...
She always seemed to come back and forgave...
Strong enough to see past my flaws'
Sun 16th May 2010 14:50
What can I say? LOL
I love your style and wit Cate : )
Sun 16th May 2010 14:38
Love your fluffy bunny TC XX
Comment is about Ann Foxglove (Poet profile)
Original item by Ann Foxglove
Sun 16th May 2010 14:29
I like this Josh, it is very positive in nature, and yes there are beautiful wise constant individuals out there. TC
Sun 16th May 2010 13:12
Heh heh you should have dedicated it to the obsessive wankers of WOL they seem to be growing in number, or maybe the periodicity of their bilious wankery ha ha TC
Sun 16th May 2010 12:39
Hi James, thanks for your comment on my Ruins poem. Hope to see another poem from you soon. xx
Comment is about James Wolfe (Poet profile)
Original item by James Wolfe
Sun 16th May 2010 12:32
Thank you for your comments Ann, I'm glad you like it. Really like the ruins poem, brings back memories of childhood and the way you see the world
Sun 16th May 2010 12:06
Is this what's known as "getting your own back?" Maybe it should have been a cappucino; just think of the fun you could have had with those chocolate sprinkles.
Sun 16th May 2010 12:05
An emotional and difficult poem that speaks of frustration and love."we are as one my damaged girl and me" Well written Hilary
Sun 16th May 2010 11:58
Wouldn't mind guessing where the inspiration for this one came from... masturbation is clearly a fertile subject matter.
But hey - surely you should dedicate it to someone?
LOL - love you, you crazy woman!
Agree with everything said...a wonderful trip down memory lane.Beautifully evocative wording of a bygone age.
Comment is about social (blog)
Original item by Anthony Emmerson
Sun 16th May 2010 11:53
Yes - I heard this read at the Green Room in Manchester and it certainly gripped the audience. You have a great way with story telling Cynthia and you convey well the frustration and sadness of living with something that isn't easy to explain.
I would agree with Ray that the questions asked by the child, aren't that plausible. You are using the child to express your own views. That doesn't bother me too much though - since I can agree. An interesting read.
Sun 16th May 2010 11:48
Its an old Lancashire saying Dorinda "Piffy on a rock bun". To me it means you`ve been "stood up or left out" .
Comment is about Muriel and Me (blog)
Original item by Dorinda MacDowell
Sun 16th May 2010 11:44
Another intruiging one....a speciality of yours Cynthia. It highlights how hard it must be to be "different" and I think even today in this supposedly progressive society a man would have difficulty admitting to his child that he was a transvestite.
Sun 16th May 2010 11:39
Agreed! Funny and well crafted. I like the way your rhyme is not forced, it adds to the overall effect which is what good poetry is all about.
Sun 16th May 2010 10:57
Yeah - but it doesn't sound quite the same - Wasting the neighbours with a Qualcast.
Comment is about Today - (blog)
Sun 16th May 2010 09:53
Have to say I really liked this poke at a certain type of culture. It made me think and smile in equal measure. I'm not sure why, but it put me in mind of Alexei Sayle - or Cooper Clarke (on a really lucid day.)
"she taught me French and schizophrenia when I only desired to be between her."
"there's always more people than you start off with."
"a sleazy garret, a pool of claret,
a gun in my hand and a dying arab,
the farewell note when I wake from sleep,
"Parce que, tu es un stereotype.""
It's very well crafted, with superb half-rhymes and intelligently put together. Excellent.
Sun 16th May 2010 09:32
"belly stuffed beer gut vomiting his bile duct" is worth the entrance money alone.I think just "shrivelled sac" would do, we get the picture.
Comment is about Not John`s Cargo (blog)
Sun 16th May 2010 09:23
Has potential, Joseph, needs a bit of trimming."crumbling before my eyes" for example, is a bit stale and could easily be omitted altogether as could a few commas and the "I am" before unwelcome. "Exams are just observing me" is a nice phrase and the ending is pretty good.
Sun 16th May 2010 09:17
Hi Rachel! Thank you for your support, i really need it..
Cynthia. Thank you for your comment and it's perfectly fine, I know that poets have fragile ego, but as I am not in the habit to polish and re-work my pieces, i always agree that it would be good to put more work in them.
Andy! Nice to see you!!!! ( at least here). I think you are right about 2nd st , it lost its lightness. I will rewrite it later. X
Comment is about Sad cow (blog)
Original item by Olga Gerke
Sun 16th May 2010 07:46
Heck, thank you for reading the pome and leaving such a generous message.
Comment is about John Darby (aka John boy) (Poet profile)
Original item by John Darby (aka John boy)
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