chris stevenson

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Sun 21st Oct 2012 14:43

.. Please stop this .. my wife's laughing !!



Comment is about Female brains !!! (blog)

Original item by hugh

chris stevenson

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Sun 21st Oct 2012 14:29

Hello Graham..your comments are absolutely right. I wrote it quickly while listening to Arvo Part on utube and didn't re-read .. the bell is a ref. to the tinnitus in my left ear which won't stop .. have altered bits .. thanks.


Comment is about Graham Sherwood (Poet profile)

Original item by Graham Sherwood

Hugh

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Sun 21st Oct 2012 13:32

Brilliant!!!Rich in words,rhythm and rhyme.Well done.

Comment is about The Cottage (blog)

Original item by Katypoetess

Anthony Emmerson

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Sun 21st Oct 2012 13:08

Enjoyed this little snapshot of human life John - beautifully read too. Every day I wake up wondering when that lightning bolt is going to flash from the clouds above, reducing me to a small pile of smouldering ash!

To take up Harry's point we need both the conscious and selfish impulses contained in all human beings. The collective conscience to ensure our survival as a species; as in the "hive mind" of bees and ants. To take it to its logical conclusion, our earth/solar system has a finite life, and if we are to extend our survival we will have to cooperate to find a way off a failing planet. Our selfish survival instinct (taken to extremes by some) is the extension of the fight/flight instint that both aids our own survival and promotes competition; which, in itself fosters progress and discovery. These two human traits have always been in conflict. Both are necessary; without them we would simply live content in our own stagnation.
Karma, now that's a different thing altogether involving "divine intervention" - for those who believe . . .

Regards,
A.E.

Comment is about Karma (blog)

Original item by John Coopey

Graham Sherwood

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Sun 21st Oct 2012 12:15

Having just returned from a very wet week in Cornwall this struck a strong chord with me. Verse four is classic!

Comment is about song - the season's over... (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Laura Taylor

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Sun 21st Oct 2012 10:31

Thanks all for your constructive comments, really appreciate it, and glad you enjoyed it.

Yes, it is autobiographical but I used a tidgy bit of poetic licence ;)

Sid - there's another aspect to rainbows...they're all about the light, aren't they? How light is perceived, made, how they're ephemeral.

I may put that to 'at 84' then.

Chris/Is - cheers, yep, I wanted it to show the door ajar and light again at the end to reinforce the message about how he DID bring light into my life. I was a very unhappy child most of the time, but spending time with him made it bearable. And you're bang on with how that kind of relationship is now frowned upon due to the abuses which have always happened. Which is really sad, considering how much I got out of my relationship with him,and what he must have got from me.

Am still not sure whether to keep the italics...will mull a bit more on that.

Thanks again you lot :)

Comment is about I used to call him Grandad (blog)

Original item by Laura Taylor

Lynn Dye

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Sun 21st Oct 2012 10:18

Always admire your work, Laura, and I very much enjoyed this. I like the way 84 could be interpreted 2 ways, love "shufflecoughing" and particularly like the verses in itallics.

Comment is about I used to call him Grandad (blog)

Original item by Laura Taylor

Anthony Emmerson

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Sun 21st Oct 2012 10:15

Hi Imprisoned Beauty,

I think you were set an impossible task in trying to write a definition of poetry. If you have time to study the discussion boards here then you will see that many attempts have been made over the years, without any convincing result. Poetry seems to be many things to many people, and like an eel, just when you think you've got a grip on it it wriggles through your fingers. However, I'm right with you when you say that it's one of those things you just "feel."

Love the title of this piece, very apt. For just ten minutes - and under pressure I think you've done yourself credit!

Welcome to WOL by the way. Hope you have fun and find friends here.

Regards,
A.E.



Comment is about A Poem Is Just Ink in the Shape Of (blog)

Original item by Irina

Katy Hughes

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Sun 21st Oct 2012 10:11

like it... : )

Katy

Comment is about fall (blog)

Original item by Winston Plowes

Katy Hughes

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Sun 21st Oct 2012 09:55

I love the "edgyiness" of this, it hints at that all is not what it seems, and leave me wanting to know more about the before and after...

Katy

Comment is about Bloody Valentine (blog)

Original item by Tommy Carroll

tony sheridan

Sat 20th Oct 2012 23:59

I relate to this. Nice one. Take care, Tony.

Comment is about Bastards (blog)

Original item by melanie coady

tony sheridan

Sat 20th Oct 2012 23:44

Like this a lot. More please. Hope to see a blog as well. Take care, Tony.

Comment is about Ashley Fisher (Poet profile)

Original item by Ashley Fisher

Isobel

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Sat 20th Oct 2012 18:31

Sadly you are right Chris. I don't have such warm memories of an old man I once knew as a child - and I'd never be encouraging my kids to step into anyone's light in that way. I do regret their loss of freedom though.

All that being said, this is a lovely poem that kind of restores your faith in the good side of human nature.

I like the way the poem opens and closes on the door, the light and the play on that idea; by the end of the poem it's pretty obvious that Seamus brings light into the life of the poet - and that for me is the central theme.

It IS a rewarding read - and very deftly executed. For what it's worth, I like the title. It's unsentimental but catches you, especially after a second read.

Comment is about I used to call him Grandad (blog)

Original item by Laura Taylor

M.C. Newberry

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Sat 20th Oct 2012 15:25

A sinister little dream sequence that Alfred Hitchcock would have felt at home with. Dum-de-dum-dum-de-dum-de-dum...remember the music for his TV series? I posted a poem once about having a nightmare from which it wasn't possible to wake. Join the club of us weirdos! LOL.

Comment is about The Creepy Old House (blog)

Original item by Shirley Smothers

John F Keane

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Sat 20th Oct 2012 14:05

Just made a few adjustments to the blog, shifting our samples to the right to make more space for comments.

Comment is about Stockport WoL (Poet profile)

Original item by Stockport WoL

Hugh

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Sat 20th Oct 2012 12:07

A sad and chilling poem brilliantly written,displaying disappointment and trauma in so few lines.

Comment is about Daddys girl (blog)

Original item by Kath Hewitt

Hugh

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Sat 20th Oct 2012 11:57

Enjoyed reading this a fabulous flow of unique phrasing.As for a title----"Me !"

Comment is about Hurt (blog)

Original item by Kath Hewitt

Hugh

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Sat 20th Oct 2012 11:51

A big WAW !!!So simple but magnificent.

Comment is about For a moment (blog)

Original item by Kath Hewitt

tony sheridan

Sat 20th Oct 2012 11:50

Fantastic! Well done. Take care, Tony.

Comment is about Man Flu (blog)

Original item by Dave Carr

J.S.Watts

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Sat 20th Oct 2012 11:18

J.S.Watts reading at the 2012 MK Paint Jam.

Comment is about J.S.Watts (photo)

Original item by J.S.Watts

tony sheridan

Sat 20th Oct 2012 10:35

I once saw "Do not drive or operate machinery" on a bottle of cough medicine for babies! Take care, Tony.

Comment is about Tiramisu (blog)

Original item by Lynn Dye

Solar Winds

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Sat 20th Oct 2012 09:49

fantastic use of language.Love the change of style

Comment is about XXX factor (blog)

Lynn Dye

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Sat 20th Oct 2012 09:35

Oh, I love that one, John! Thanks for that, how crazy.

Thank you, Tony.

Comment is about Tiramisu (blog)

Original item by Lynn Dye

Harry O'Neill

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Fri 19th Oct 2012 23:57

John,
Just come on, late and tired, but your blog woke me up a bit.

Where on earth does conscience come from? And why do, not only most religions or faiths, but also all of the secular psycho analytical world, talk so much about it?

It is quite obvious that people don`t always get what they deserve here on earth, So why do so many of us so fiercly desire that they should?

And why does atheistic Humanism strive so ardently to make us be fair and nice to each other...why should we? It is obvious that many who aren`t fair at all often do very well at the expense of those of us who are?

The bankers got many more millions than they deserved (not to mention the social security fiddlers who - between them - probably got billions)...And all at the expense of the ones who were genuine claimants.

Many - if not most - of the poems on here rail against injustice...Why? It`s not good enough to say that it is merely a human `instinct`, The `instinct` to fiddle is just as human. Why do we praise the one and condemn the other.

Your conscience (for that`s what it is) argues a sound bringing up...and it`s an excellent point from which to start thinking about `the meaning of life`...For why the hell should we worry about conscience if life has no meaning anyway?

Thanks for waking me up.

Comment is about Karma (blog)

Original item by John Coopey

Chris Co

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Fri 19th Oct 2012 21:48

Very enjoyable Laura.

My favourite lines were;

Quote
weaving magic wrapped in words
from ancient mariners
for little girls
Unquote

I very much liked the decision to bring the poem full circle. The opening words, told again; now doing so in the revealed light of all that has gone before. In a sense these words are not the same, despite being the very same.

There is a joy and a sadness in this, at least there is for me looking in. I very much doubt such relationships are likely to exist anymore. As a child, I too formed wonderful relationships with older people. Even if it was just chatting with a next door neighbour about cars, sheds or cricket etc.

The wonder and connection between children and the elderly is of course well known and a cliche, probably because of the common truth of it.

Modern life has of course revealed the terrible minority that have done and would do a child harm. As a result, maybe rightly, things are much more protective these days. How sad though that children may miss out on the wonderment of the relationships that we had (if this is from personal experience, perhaps I presume too much due to the quality of the writing).

Very enjoyable poem.

Best

Chris

Comment is about I used to call him Grandad (blog)

Original item by Laura Taylor

Cathy

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Fri 19th Oct 2012 21:14

Ha ha! Oh yeah. Through all of it. It's a wonder it makes any sense at all.

Comment is about Corridor- the urban desert (blog)

Original item by Cathy Crabb

Sid Villan

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Fri 19th Oct 2012 20:50

I love the first verse and the 2nd is fine but you must've still been pissed when you wrote the rest, yeah?

Comment is about Corridor- the urban desert (blog)

Original item by Cathy Crabb

Sid Villan

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Fri 19th Oct 2012 20:45

I think "at 84" increases the ambiguity a bit.I should leave the title as it is, maybe lose the italics, not really necessary.
Amidst the chip-pan air, shufflecoughing and rusty iron coils, rainbow stripe sticks out. Maybe that's as it should be. I'd have gone for summat more restrained.

Comment is about I used to call him Grandad (blog)

Original item by Laura Taylor

Sid Villan

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Fri 19th Oct 2012 20:35

Thankyou Laura and Cathy.

Comment is about Betting on a Photo (blog)

Original item by Ray Miller

Philipos

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Fri 19th Oct 2012 16:50

Full of lovely images and I enjoyed reading it Laura. Well done.

Comment is about I used to call him Grandad (blog)

Original item by Laura Taylor

John Coopey

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Fri 19th Oct 2012 16:20

Thanks for commenting about Facebook, Izzy.
I think it's one of those conjugatable verbs:
I communicate with the wider world
You post your news
They write dross

Comment is about Isobel (Poet profile)

Original item by Isobel

John Coopey

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Fri 19th Oct 2012 16:16

Hello Lynn.
Glad you liked Facebook.
I think we're all as guilty as each other in enjoying something quite so inane.

Comment is about Lynn Dye (Poet profile)

Original item by Lynn Dye

Laura Taylor

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Fri 19th Oct 2012 16:10

Cheers Darren :)

Ah right, ok, that's interesting about the italics. Hmmm. Have to mull a bit more on this. This has taken the longest time EVER to (almost) finish...the very first draft was 7 months ago! I've picked it up and put it down so many times, got real frustrated with it. It's almost unrecognisable from the first draft now. But much better! ;D

Comment is about I used to call him Grandad (blog)

Original item by Laura Taylor

John Coopey

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Fri 19th Oct 2012 16:08

Glad you liked Facebook, MC.
I wonder if we will look back in 50 years time (I know I won't) and think, "Facebook, tweets, celebrity status, budget TV - what was all that about?".
I hope so because if we don't we will be in a very shallow place.

Comment is about M.C. Newberry (Poet profile)

Original item by M.C. Newberry

John Coopey

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Fri 19th Oct 2012 16:04

Francine
Ah, there you are! Hiding all the while on my page and not your own.
Isabel gets it right when she says that the attraction of Facebook is that it's so vaccuous.
Still, I wish I'd invented the bl**dy thing!

Comment is about Facebook (blog)

Original item by John Coopey

John Coopey

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Fri 19th Oct 2012 16:01

Thanks for commenting on my haikupi, AE.
I tend to do my own whittling in the shed.

Comment is about Anthony Emmerson (Poet profile)

Original item by Anthony Emmerson

darren thomas

Fri 19th Oct 2012 15:59

Hi Laura - I enjoyed reading this too.

It's obvious that you think about your words carefully before committing them down.

'Dignity was diamond-like' stands out - and personally, i don't think the italics are necessary - i couldn't even see the italic when i first read it and nothing was lost for me.

dt

Comment is about I used to call him Grandad (blog)

Original item by Laura Taylor

Laura Taylor

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Fri 19th Oct 2012 15:45

Thanks for your constructive and considered comments Anthony, much appreciated :)

Yeh, I do tend to lapse into uncontrollable alliteration sometimes! I talk like that a lot too, it comes out completely unintentionally...I wonder if that's why I'm not more critical of it in my poems. I will look at both examples again - see if I can't erase some of the obviousness.

This is really useful folks, cos I'm wanting to send this away to a publisher by the end of the month, with the theme of 'hometown heroes/heroines' and I reckon it'll fit, don't you? And I've worked on this for bloody aaaaages now!

Yeh, Seamus sitting - in my mind's eye, I can still see him sitting on his back step, watching me jump round :)

Glad you like shufflecoughing. I bloody love poetry for the chance it gives me to actually USE the words I'm constantly making up ha :D

No intention re the rhythm, as it goes, but I like what you drew from it :) As I was telling someone last night, the rhythm just comes out of everything I say and write, and I suspect it's due to being a music obsessive since being a nipper...I'll play percussion on and with anything, all the time, it's constant in my head. I actually drive myself a bit batshit cos I can't seem to break away from the rhythms.

Anyhoo, epic post over!! Thanks again :)


Comment is about I used to call him Grandad (blog)

Original item by Laura Taylor

Anthony Emmerson

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Fri 19th Oct 2012 14:13

Really enjoyed this Laura. It has a very fitting rhythm - like a child's skipping song, which I guess was your intention. I don't have a problem with the title seeming a little ambivalent; it's good to surprise the reader, or even make them apprehensive sometimes.

"Shufflecoughing" says rather more than its mere four syllables suggest - a very fitting description. I think maybe the alliteration could be turned down a little, "telling tales taller" for instance; I think you could drop "fierce" too, without losing anything.

I feel "Seaumus smoked and smiled" would be enough. Those are my only tiny quibbles on what is a very satisfying and rewarding read. Well done.

Regards,
A.E.

Comment is about I used to call him Grandad (blog)

Original item by Laura Taylor

Laura Taylor

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Fri 19th Oct 2012 13:41

Thanks for taking the time to read and comment on 'Grandad', Sid - I admire your work so it's good to hear your feedback.

It's always interesting, seeing what others make of your stuff. I'd never even considered the title might be distressing. But...no...it doesn't bother me, I like the extra level of interpretation, in fact.

However, I was considering changing it cos I thought it signified the relationship too clumsily. Do you think a simple 'Seamus Rimer' would be better, or worse?

Mmmm...do you mean out of place sonically? I wanted to signify many colours of conversation, lots of ground covered, and of course, the storytelling/fantastic element to the whole thing too.

And it WAS originally 'at 84' - but I wanted to have the ambiguity of him living at number 84, and/or being the age of 84. So I'll leave that as it is.

What about the italicisation of that middle section? Seem okay to you? I wanted it to come across as flashback, but am questioning whether it's really necessary now.

Comment is about Ray Miller (Poet profile)

Original item by Ray Miller

Laura Taylor

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Fri 19th Oct 2012 13:41

Thanks for taking the time to read and comment Sid - I admire your work so it's good to hear your feedback.

It's always interesting, seeing what others make of your stuff. I'd never even considered the title might be distressing. But...no...it doesn't bother me, I like the extra level of interpretation, in fact.

However, I was considering changing it cos I thought it signified the relationship too clumsily. Do you think a simple 'Seamus Rimer' would be better, or worse?

Mmmm...do you mean out of place sonically? I wanted to signify many colours of conversation, lots of ground covered, and of course, the storytelling/fantastic element to the whole thing too.

And it WAS originally 'at 84' - but I wanted to have the ambiguity of him living at number 84, and/or being the age of 84. So I'll leave that as it is.

What about the italicisation of that middle section? Seem okay to you? I wanted it to come across as flashback, but am questioning whether it's really necessary now.

Comment is about I used to call him Grandad (blog)

Original item by Laura Taylor

Sid Villan

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Fri 19th Oct 2012 12:51

Enjoyed this. The title threatens something distressing, perhaps. Dunno if that bothers you.
If it were mine I'd have "at 84"

rainbow stripe seems out of place somehow

Comment is about I used to call him Grandad (blog)

Original item by Laura Taylor

Cathy

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Fri 19th Oct 2012 11:57

Love this. Tender and truthful. Particularly like the end verse.

Comment is about Betting on a Photo (blog)

Original item by Ray Miller

tony sheridan

Fri 19th Oct 2012 11:35

Beautiful and very moving. Take care, Tony.

Comment is about First Heartbeat (blog)

Original item by Graham Eccles

Hazel

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Fri 19th Oct 2012 11:02

Thanks Laura for the comment on Not In Love (acrostic). It's something new to me, it's the first one I've done.
Hazel

Comment is about Laura Taylor (Poet profile)

Original item by Laura Taylor

Laura Taylor

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Fri 19th Oct 2012 09:43

A change in style from what I've read/heard by you so far Hazel, and I think it's very good.

I like acrostics anyway. I did one myself a couple of years ago and didn't even know it was an 'acrostic' until someone told me - didn't know there was term for it ha! I was just messing about with it!

Anyway, back to the poem. I like the stripped down style of it, it's direct but not dumbed down, works perfectly as an acrostic, and has a coldness to it which comes from falling out of love with someone. Nicely done!

Comment is about Not In Love (Acrostic) (blog)

Laura Taylor

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Fri 19th Oct 2012 09:34

This is great, in so many ways. I'm a total sucker for a narrative poem and this is packed with evocative images. The idea of the bet on the back of the photo, knowing it won't get lost :) The 'no exit' sign is a fantastic touch as well.

You have lovely phrasing - 'my hair curling outward from Elvis to Hendrix' - love it!

Comment is about Betting on a Photo (blog)

Original item by Ray Miller

Hugh

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Fri 19th Oct 2012 04:26

"Emma who became her eyes,"
"and married a lovely sighted man"
"why had no one told her how beautiful the world is."

The magic of this tale beautifully encapsulated in verse.Well done Lynn!

Comment is about Emma was her Eyes (blog)

Original item by Lynn Dye

John Coopey

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Fri 19th Oct 2012 01:07

I once saw a sign in a field saying,
"It is an offence to throw stones at this notice".

Comment is about Tiramisu (blog)

Original item by Lynn Dye

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