Mon 25th Jun 2012 23:14
Ahhh, memories. They say dreams are made of them. Mmmmmm? 8-)
Comment is about Sixties to Sicksties......... (blog)
Mon 25th Jun 2012 23:08
Thanks Isobel, for you loverly comments on sporting heart. I like repetition too, if used correctly it can be a powerful mood and pace setter. 8-)
Comment is about Isobel (Poet profile)
Original item by Isobel
Mon 25th Jun 2012 22:59
Thanks Graham. Bull by the horns and all that exotic stuff. My first competition entry so fingers crossed! 8-)
Comment is about Graham Sherwood (Poet profile)
Original item by Graham Sherwood
Mon 25th Jun 2012 22:35
Thank you kindly, Patricia & Stefan (single entity?) & Darren.
Comment is about Fish Out of Water (blog)
Original item by shadwell smith
Mon 25th Jun 2012 21:37
Well done you for being the first off the blocks and putting such an unusual slant on the theme.
I liked the use of repetition and the punch those last two lines deliver.
Comment is about A Sporting Heart (blog)
Original item by Darren Scanlon
Patricia &Stefan wilde
Mon 25th Jun 2012 21:35
Uz 2 say yoo-hoo 2 yoo hoo
and a woofy welcome to poodlechops too-hoo!.xx
Comment is about Elisha Lloyud (Poet profile)
Original item by Elisha Lloyud
Mon 25th Jun 2012 21:17
First out of the blocks Darren, well done!
Mon 25th Jun 2012 20:09
hiya Lynn :) thanks for liking my snake poem have not been writing much of late :( then this arrived!!
Comment is about Lynn Dye (Poet profile)
Original item by Lynn Dye
Mon 25th Jun 2012 20:08
hiya Nigel and welcome to WOL thanks for the positive on my snake poem..appreciated.. :)
Comment is about Nigel Astell (Poet profile)
Original item by Nigel Astell
Mon 25th Jun 2012 20:06
Thanks Julian for your comments on my recent offering..dunno what cf means Julian lol..(bit thick I am) but anyways ta very much.. :)
Comment is about Julian Jordon (Poet profile)
Original item by Julian Jordon
Mon 25th Jun 2012 20:05
cheers Laura for the comments like your profile pic too.. :)
Comment is about Laura Taylor (Poet profile)
Original item by Laura Taylor
Mon 25th Jun 2012 17:47
Very good. It be both troubling and hopeful, stange that.
Comment is about The Joint Poem (blog)
Original item by Katypoetess
Mon 25th Jun 2012 17:38
thanx Darren. ive been there a few times, this is on a gal i saw over 2yr ago. seems the 'in thing' to ditch some1 by text now.
Comment is about Hold Rock (blog)
Original item by nick armbrister
Mon 25th Jun 2012 17:04
Mon 25th Jun 2012 15:15
I went to Bolton last week to check out my poems and I had great fun (you can read about it here: http://thelaughinghousewife.wordpress.com/2012/06/25/find-me-on-the-bolton-arts-trail/ )
I looked at the website beforehand and there was plenty to do that day, just not in the town centre.
I love the idea of an arts trail; I hope other towns take it up.
Comment is about Imagine, a poem in every shop (article)
Mon 25th Jun 2012 15:14
Thank you Julian, it is extremely rewarding what you say there. And thank you very much of credit note took time to work on the translation. It is true that it is not at all easy to write in a foreign language, as you say it so well, in touch with the nuances and the expressions, (especially that English and French are very different). I work a few hours on a translation, and sometimes I think that I make errors as forget -s at the end the verbs to the third person by impatience..
It is important for me to write in English, already by passion, but also because I work to become editor and I shall like creating a magazine(review) of European poetry soon, (where all the languages would be represent and being able to put in link of the poets working in the other languages)
And Isobel thank you too for you comment, I need to work a bit again in my theatre formation before to record :)
Comment is about Earth Lament (blog)
Mon 25th Jun 2012 13:19
great idea never been to bolton but that would make me go
Mon 25th Jun 2012 13:18
We have just jogged over here
to present you with a choclate mouse
for this,your best poem so far.xx
Mon 25th Jun 2012 13:15
Very much appreciated Darren.
Keep happy-keep posting!
Comment is about Getting over being against each other (blog)
Mon 25th Jun 2012 13:02
Hi Darren, thanx for your comment and welcome to WOL! Will catch a look at your stuff soon, just read this though and did enjoy it!
As an ex-runner (not that I ever won owt!) I can identlfy with the sentiment, medal winning stuff! cheers Jeff
Mon 25th Jun 2012 12:52
Ha - well said!! I'm off to BeatHerder festie this weekend - heard of that one? Won't be anything like the Isle of Blight shite ;D
Did anyone actually survive that traffic jam then?
Comment is about FIRST THOUGHTS (ON READING THE TV LISTINGS FOR 23.6.12) (blog)
Original item by Richie Muster
Mon 25th Jun 2012 12:50
Probably says something about me that I kept thinking 'senip? bloody senip? what does THAT mean?' ;D
I absolutely LOVE this. Really clever structure, syntax is exciting (ironically),these lines are fantastic:
"substitute for all my frustrations
psychotropic frottage of coke and mdma"
Great stuff Rich, really is.
Comment is about Sertraline (blog)
Mon 25th Jun 2012 12:43
Haha - I do like your poems Dave, always quirky, intelligent, and quite different to anything I've read before.
Enjoyed this, lots, oh and that first point. Every.single.month :(
Comment is about Note to Self (blog)
Original item by Dave Viney
Mon 25th Jun 2012 12:41
I might write one about how pool should be an Olympic sport, complete with beer and fags.
Comment is about WOL Poem Competition-July 2012 (blog)
Mon 25th Jun 2012 01:58
A seamless symphony of music to mine ears. Nicely done, Ian. 8-)
Comment is about For My Brothers (blog)
Original item by Ian Gant
Mon 25th Jun 2012 01:32
Nicely done, Shadwell. Enjoyed it! 8-)
Mon 25th Jun 2012 01:29
I'm in! 8-)
Mon 25th Jun 2012 00:09
Very moving, Thom. Nice one. 8-)
Comment is about The Hate Destroying You (blog)
Original item by Tom
Mon 25th Jun 2012 00:05
Beautiful. Love it! 8-)
Mon 25th Jun 2012 00:03
A little short, no?
Comment is about Tree (blog)
Mon 25th Jun 2012 00:00
Good on you Graham.
I hope your starting pistol is the signal for a decathlon of enthusiatic responses.
Sun 24th Jun 2012 23:58
Very thought provoking, Nick. I think many of us could relate to this at sometime or other. Well done. 8-)
Sun 24th Jun 2012 19:50
Thank you very much, Stefan, for persevering, lol, much appreciated. Um...I bought a wooden donkey, does that count? xx
Comment is about Ode to Arillas (blog)
Sun 24th Jun 2012 18:07
Thanks for your comment Graham - no, there was no fire in there. I think I'm all out of fire at the moment :) Glad you enjoyed the gentleness in it though. xx
Sun 24th Jun 2012 17:39
Hi Nigel - if you took any pictures of the Bolton festival, email them to me, and I'll see if we can get them uploaded in the galleries. I don't want any ladies squatting on toilets, mind...
Sun 24th Jun 2012 17:34
Oh great Graham - good to see someone running a comp. I've always been rubbish at sport so it's going to be hard for me, but I'll do my best :)
Sun 24th Jun 2012 15:51
AH! thanks to adobe flash player
we caught up with this lovely vid
and your sexily red lettered
type poem Lynn,but
no mention of the straw donkey-haha!xx
Sun 24th Jun 2012 15:43
oops Darren-forgot to fank yew
for commenting on-
'Mingin in the rain'
Comment is about Darren Scanlon (Poet profile)
Sun 24th Jun 2012 15:34
Stunningly written and read-well done Shadwell.
Sun 24th Jun 2012 15:27
a joint relationship is nice-
one with a joint I mean.
Sun 24th Jun 2012 15:12
Thanks for your comment on 30 Steps the other day - that's very kind of you. T.
Comment is about Marianne Daniels (Poet profile)
Original item by Marianne Daniels
Sun 24th Jun 2012 13:23
And why not? 8-)
Comment is about Alcholic Frolic (blog)
Original item by hugh
Sun 24th Jun 2012 13:22
Good on you for picking up the torch, Graham!
Sun 24th Jun 2012 13:21
Wah Wah Wah waaaaaaaaah! Nicely done, Sir. 8-)
Comment is about Hand picked (blog)
Sun 24th Jun 2012 13:20
Nice one 8-)
Comment is about Confessions of a husband and wife (blog)
Sun 24th Jun 2012 13:19
Morgan, absolutely well done to you - bravo! - for putting your work on Write Out Loud. I am extremely glad that you have. It is a privilege for us to be able to see your work. We have been wanting to do more on translation for ages, after we translated poems between English and French on our Bordeaux poetry trips, and worked with refugees in Bolton.
Writing in a foreign language is extremely difficult because, no matter how good your knowledge of a language, if it is not your native tongue, your langue maternelle, there are nuances that you inevitably miss. Yours has very few errors at all, and one or two places where we might have a debate about alternative ways of expressing some things to see if they work better in English (or not), but your grasp of the language is fantastic.
I have had a good look at this poem and offer my thoughts on your translation, or is it version, since translation is never word-for-word in poetry, or should not be. So, anything I suggest is up for discussion or rejection.
Pensées et suggestions:
I'll lie my head in the cavity of the stone,
[I shall lay…]
To no longer hear the lamentations of the Earth.
[se déracine is <uproots itself>? Or is it a misprint – déraciné - uprooted?]
Uprooted, the tree on the horizon,
Let its foliage to fly in winds.
[Lets its foliage fly in the wind – 's' on lets and no ‘to’]
I went by the path of shadows.
[I took the path of shadows - great line]
I went looking for my torch flame,
In the fire of hell.
[this is slightly problematic as you were not looking for ‘your’ torch flame (la flame de ma torche), but were looking for <a flame for my torch>. Perhaps it would read better as:
I took the path of shadows
seeking a torch flame
in the fires of hell
Anyone help express this better in English?
Eternity haunts my mind
My thoughts are inhabited by ghosts,
Crying on the hills of perdition.
More accurately translated:
I am obsessed by eternity
Haunted by infinity
My thoughts inhabited by ghosts
Moaning (groaning) on the hills of perdition
[or perdition’s hills?]
I will not stand still,
My mind is in movement,
In the book of the ocean.
[I notice that in French you write I don’t want to stand still
I want to get my mind moving]
No frontier can contain spirit,
As no wall can stop the wind.
I'll go sit where it is impossible to return.
Observe the race of the stars in the firmament.
[No frontier can contain spirit
any more than a wall can stop the wind.
I shall go and sit…
I am not sure about 'the race of the stars', not sure what you are wanting to say here. the stars racing in the firmament perhaps? firmament doesn't seem very poetic though.
To see the stars racing in the night sky?
to see the stars racing in the firmament
I hear the cries of the wind through the window of existence.
But outside, there is only emptiness.
I came back from where there is no return,
And I know that there is nothing, neither God nor angel,
Neither demon nor presence.
It is through the roots of the experience
That man learns to see what is invisible.
A fairy dancing under an ancient tree,
A dragon who keeps the abyss of the mind.
[A dragon guarding the mind’s abyss]
precieusement probably translates more accurately as 'jealously guarding'
but I think the adverb gets in the way.
anyhow, my thoughts for now.
Comment is about Female brain triumphs (blog)
Sun 24th Jun 2012 13:18
Comment is about A visit to the optician (blog)
Sun 24th Jun 2012 13:17
Comment is about Women can't half talk (blog)
Sun 24th Jun 2012 13:16
Comment is about Welsh is best. (blog)
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