Mon 5th Mar 2012 19:21
Thank you everyone for your comments, much appreciated.
Yvonne, I understand what you mean about verse. I often find it works better with some poems than others. This originally started out quite quirky, until I decided the subject deserved a more sensitive approach.
John and Dave, I am most interested in your mention of a syllabic tweak. Someone on here once advised using the same amount of beats in each line, which was something I hadn't tried before. So I did try it here, and what do you know, it hasn't worked so well!!
So I have tweaked it now more into my usual format.
Stef, I'm glad you were looking over my shoulder, I don't know how I missed that word, so thanks a lot. xx
Comment is about Distant Friends (blog)
Original item by Lynn Dye
Mon 5th Mar 2012 19:20
A lovely poem that easily conjures up images in the mind and there's a great lyrical feel to it too.
Comment is about Coat (blog)
Original item by Marianne Daniels
Mon 5th Mar 2012 18:02
This reminds of when you come home from a rave and you've still got the beat pounding in your head due to 'Charlie'. I'm probably a million miles off what you're trying to put across, but that was my interpretation.
Great structure and rhyme scheme by the way. Loved it.
Comment is about Can You Hear The Drums? (blog)
Original item by Augusta Darling
Mon 5th Mar 2012 17:56
Brilliant packed night at ThePoetry Spoke.
Great Guests, wonderful poetry and music from new readers and fantastic friends.
35 people on the night- absolutely packed to the rafters- A big thx to all who attended;
you make the night!
Quality writing, reading, entertainment and art!
Great Guest Poet set from Graham Robinson and a fantastic music set from Petrova C Fairhurst.
Plus a wonderful notable award winning poem from Stella Jones.
Review is about ThePoetry Spoke on 28 Feb 2012 (Event)
Mon 5th Mar 2012 17:49
Love it! Silly and yet serious in equal measure.
Comment is about I COULDN'T CARE TUPPENCE (blog)
Original item by M.C. Newberry
Mon 5th Mar 2012 16:22
Particularly liked the last two stanzas, but would have liked it to end on some sort of reference to the train
Good work though
Comment is about From a Midnight train (Bolton) (blog)
Original item by Andy N
Mon 5th Mar 2012 15:35
I enjoyed this too Glyn, An unusual subject to chose and skillfully handled to get your message accross. Worked for me. Win
Comment is about changing a fuse (blog)
Original item by Glyn Pope
Mon 5th Mar 2012 15:28
I liked this one Tom, Its a type of imagery I have visited myself. From the philosophical end in the burnt palm and true side to the (for me) uncertainty in faith of the start. Houston.
Comment is about Truth or Dare (blog)
Original item by Laura Taylor
Mon 5th Mar 2012 15:20
Mon 5th Mar 2012 14:33
Yay! Adding my own and other people's events, and slowing beginning to fill in the big empty hole in the middle of Wales.
Comment is about link
Mon 5th Mar 2012 13:35
Thanks for your comment on 'Don't take youself so serious'. I decided to change that particular line and make it a bit more jocular. Took out one of the verses as well to make it a bit more universal instead of narrowing it down to just poets, people in other professions take themselves too seriously as well sometimes.
Anyway, glad you enjoyed reading it and i hope you get a chance to look at the new version.
p.s If we do end up on a plane together, make sure it's not going to America. I don't think the hijack thing goes down too well with American airlines. Some people have no sense of fun eh?
Comment is about Graham Robinson (Poet profile)
Original item by Graham Robinson
Mon 5th Mar 2012 13:22
Thanks for your comment on 'Don't take yourself too serious'. I'm glad you enjoyed reading it. I've made afew changes to it recently if you want to take a look. Hopefully i've made it a bit more universal in doing so.
I like your samples, very engaging. Especially 'Great North Diver'
Comment is about Ann Foxglove (Poet profile)
Original item by Ann Foxglove
Mon 5th Mar 2012 12:58
Hey nice one Joy!! Great stuff :)
Comment is about Joy France tours poetry nights to raise charity awareness (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
Mon 5th Mar 2012 12:55
Disturbing, fractured, fragmenting, and that picture scares the shite out of me. My mother dropped me on the head when I was a baby, onto paving stones. Sayin nowt.
Which is to say that I found this a very interesting and provocative write milady.
Comment is about visual cliff (blog)
Mon 5th Mar 2012 12:46
Really interesting piece this - I like how it's written as well :)
Comment is about Gourds (blog)
Original item by Graham Clifford
Mon 5th Mar 2012 12:44
equasive/experimeant - I love made up words, I do, and these are great
Preggers test eh? Or that, combined with a IVF?
Comment is about 10 Anti Demagogy (blog)
Original item by Kealan Coady
Mon 5th Mar 2012 12:39
Hi Augusta, this is excellent. Love the images it creates and some wonderful lines.
Mon 5th Mar 2012 12:33
Hey thanks everyone - appreciate it :)
Phil - what would you change about it? How many more syllables? I've just read through it again and it seems fine to me?
Andy - glad you liked that :)
Comment is about The Jester (blog)
Mon 5th Mar 2012 12:31
Heyhey - yeh, trust is rocketing at the moment ;)
Comment is about (Poet profile)
Mon 5th Mar 2012 12:01
Brilliant, John. Thanks for a good laugh! x
Comment is about Stairlift to Heaven (blog)
Original item by John Coopey
Mon 5th Mar 2012 11:57
Hello again Yvonne,
Once again I find myself in awe of your critique, I find all of your comment very encouraging and helpful.
Thank you once again.
Comment is about Yvonne Brunton (Poet profile)
Original item by Yvonne Brunton
Mon 5th Mar 2012 11:48
'On the surface this seems a simple recollection of a basic procedure but methinks there is a lot more going on.' and of course you are correct, Steve. As the youngest I lost a lot. I suppose gained more in that I wasn't pressured 'to do well' and I was spoilt because that was the easiest way. But sometimes spoilt children are neglected. My sister ignored them because she was a girl and girl's didn't do men's work. Thanks for your comment Steve.
Mon 5th Mar 2012 11:36
Hello and Good Morning to you Andy,
Thank you as always for reading and commenting on my recent posting.
Well, you know Gus he doesn't do 'Good Behaviour' you know what they say Andy about old dog new tricks.
I will give him your regards and best wishes when next we...
...see each other.
Comment is about Andy N (Poet profile)
Mon 5th Mar 2012 11:27
Hello and good morning John,
I'm a simple person at heart John but must admit to be somewhat confused and amused by your comments and in particular those that elude to Erotica.
Perhaps if your profile pic was a little less
Chippendaleesque I could muster a little more control.
Comment is about John Coopey (Poet profile)
Mon 5th Mar 2012 11:09
Thanks for commenting on 'Don't take yourself so serious'. I've edited since posting and decided to cut out the expletives and a single verse to make it less confrontational. I feel the message is still there though. Have a look if you fancy.
Mon 5th Mar 2012 11:03
Decided to take you advice and cut back on the old bad language. I cut a verse out also 'cause i think it sounds better without it i think. Check it out if you want.
Nuff luv 'n' tha'
Comment is about M.C. Newberry (Poet profile)
Mon 5th Mar 2012 11:02
My understanding led me to believe that this was a child's perception of overheard conversations, post-war disappointment etc. All done through the currency of confectionary. There might well be a sherbert lemon reference in the conclusion but I was too dim to notice.
Comment is about Devaluation (blog)
Mon 5th Mar 2012 10:55
If I were in some kind of position of literary authority then I would encourage you to mind your language, I'm not, so don't worry. I struggled at times with the phrasing and grammar but if that was intended then it does reflect well the damage done. I was reminded of Larkin's infamous piece but with more overt sinsiter tones. What I do like in the main with your work is that you tackle grown-up themes, I was slightly concerned recently to read school kids were encouraged to stop by and read the blogs section. I hope this marks a return to the kind of style that rightly garnered you praise. I shall award thee three and half stars out of five.
Patricia &Stefan wilde
Mon 5th Mar 2012 08:18
Good poem on a topical subject
i.e gay marriages etc.
Not keen on on the idea of marriage
being redefined but as you indicate,
we are now living in a crazy,imperfect world.
Might one just point out
in a kindly way that you forgot
to include the word-see-in the second line
third verse."but I could-see-she was quite upset"
Oh yes! we're looking over your shoulder!
Mon 5th Mar 2012 08:06
Thanks for reading and your opinion Glynn.
Comment is about Essence of Peacefulness (blog)
Original item by Patricia and Stefan Wilde
Mon 5th Mar 2012 08:05
Thank you Glynn,Yvonne and Lynn.
Comment is about Deletions (blog)
Mon 5th Mar 2012 06:56
Interesting and thought-provoking, Lynn. Yes it could do with syllabic tweaking as John says but that doesn't really detract. I was talking recently to a friend who went through the other half of this experience (he was the man who left). His take on it in retrospect is that he is amazed now that it took him so long to realise.
To 'crazy' and 'far from perfect' one could perhaps add 'full of surprises', 'complicated' and 'infinitely diverse' but it wouldn't scan then would it.
Mon 5th Mar 2012 05:58
Hi Nick - a warm welcome to WOL. Glad you can feel spring in the air! Hope you enjoy the site - I see you have put a poem on the blogs already, great!
Comment is about Nick Clifton (Poet profile)
Original item by Nick Clifton
Mon 5th Mar 2012 05:43
Thanx Z' Yindida ngempela, keep well... Sister from another mother
Comment is about Lest we forget to remember: Chapter 8 (blog)
Original item by Emmanuel Sairosi
Mon 5th Mar 2012 05:42
Mamkhumza, and Innocentia, DANKI. If you are around HC do visit, you know where to find me. More power to the PEN!
Comment is about Emmanuel Sairosi (Poet profile)
Mon 5th Mar 2012 00:06
Great stuff. words as with so many tools have the power to create or destroy.love your 'worm weevils' and 'havoc words' Just a thought - how about the power of silence?
Comment is about Slow Bombs (blog)
Original item by Dave Bradley
Sun 4th Mar 2012 23:48
Ah, at last something to look forward to in my dotage. How did that chorus go again?
You know, John, this is one time when that dreadfully abused acronym LOL really fits the bill X X
Sun 4th Mar 2012 23:20
Hi David, IZIMPONDO ZANKOMO. Many thanks for commenting on this which not surprisingly has drawn opposing views on what I well imagined would be a controversial subject.
Comment is about Dave Bradley (Poet profile)
Sun 4th Mar 2012 23:13
Hi Dave and John, as Laura says, this topic is controversial and I guessed it might draw comments from opposing camps. John your case for Government spin at the time is well made. David you also bring out the valid view that today many see the events in a poor light.
I will be interested to hears the views of the listeners when its read next Wednesday.
Many thanks to everyone for contributing. CHEERS.
Comment is about IZIMPONDO ZANKOMO. (blog)
Original item by Philipos
Sun 4th Mar 2012 23:01
Hello John, thanks for joining in the discussion on 'IZIMPONDO ZANKOMO' and I take your view entirely about how some aspects of society tend to look back in anger - hence my own cautionary comments, having once had my fingers burned on WOL a while back.
There were many brave soldiers at the event described, but that there was also a privileged elite cannot be denied. So unfair was it that the Commissary who dug them out of a hole was not recognised as he should have been at the time.
Sun 4th Mar 2012 22:31
Yikes, MC! Keep yer 'and on yer 'apenny!
Comment is about WORDS (blog)
Sun 4th Mar 2012 22:21
Isandlwana was a crushing defeat for the British invasion of Zululand. Days later, of course, Michael Caine and a few other Welsh types held off a massively greater Zulu force at Rorke's Drift. This success enabled the government to bury the bad news of Isandlwana. Who said Alstair Campbell invented spin?
On a dfferent level I can't buy into the popular revisionism that sees Britain as shitting across the world wherever we went and that those we were in conlict with were de facto the good guys.
Sun 4th Mar 2012 22:04
Sorry, Jack. I'll try harder next time.
Comment is about Don't Take Yourself So Serious (blog)
Original item by Jack Pascoe
Sun 4th Mar 2012 22:00
'Ey up, RM.
Our Gert'd kill me if I confessed to enjoying these illicit memories; only mine are tinged with the regret of "I wish I'd have given her one".
Comment is about The Persistence Of Memory (blog)
Original item by Richie Muster
Sun 4th Mar 2012 21:51
Thoroughly enjoyed this, Dave. I think it's a Venus and Mars thing but men seem more guilty of nurturing these little weevils by not talking about them, whereas women can't bloody stop!
Smack me in the mouth when you next see me but...
I was less happy with the rhyming end.
Sun 4th Mar 2012 21:39
I missed this first time round, Antony. My loss. It is really good.
If I don't win I hope the world blows up; but if it doesn't, I hope you win.
Comment is about genesis (blog)
Original item by Anthony Emmerson
Sun 4th Mar 2012 21:30
I had prepared myself in readiness for another of your excellent "niche" poems. My preparation has gone to waste, though. I shall have to splash out on a book of erotic poetry instead.
Sun 4th Mar 2012 21:18
Not the ending I was expecting, Yvonne. Sometimes we don't realise how lucky we are to have a bunch of small stresses; the alternative could be far more terrible.
You should try puttng your stuff to audio files.
Comment is about Message From School (blog)
Sun 4th Mar 2012 21:12
Excellent stuff, Nick. Great imagery and rhythm management. Always impressive when someone can rhyme abab, maintain the metre and not compromise the sense of it.
Check out MC Newberry, Ian Gant, Richie Muster and Yvonne (who's just introduced herself). I suspect you'll like their stuff.
Comment is about Weather Canon (blog)
Sun 4th Mar 2012 21:07
'Ey up, monkey.
Me too. I liked it. Au contraire, mon repos. I didn't mind the form. I did think a couple of the lines could benefit from some syllabic tweaking but I'm a bit anal like that (not like that).
Time to stop digging!
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