Thu 10th May 2012 09:08
A (possible) bio-graphical addition to the original Alice by Carroll and "White Rabbit" from Jefferson Airplane to form a very interesting trilogy. I think it invites further reading. Tommy
PS an amazing coincidence: as I was typing the above Lewis Carroll was referenced on BBC Radio 4's In our Time, an explanation of 'Game Theory'.
Comment is about Tea Party (blog)
Original item by Debbie Houghton
Thu 10th May 2012 08:59
I post stuff on this site mainly to preserve it and if other people take enjoyment out of it then that's an added bonus. I have no ego problem at all, but i sometimes find it incredible how certain members dissect other people's poems and then critique them in a way that i would find extremely patronizing. No offence taken, i assure you. please feel free to delete this comment after you've read it.
Comment is about Insignia (blog)
Thu 10th May 2012 08:07
Thank you Lucy ... :)
Comment is about Once I Loved You (blog)
Original item by Steven Dark
Thu 10th May 2012 06:41
I really love. "Ikea" (your poem not the shop I hasten to add!)
You write brilliant poetry it is so well structured, paced and crafted, and this is absolutely hilarious.
I was looking around for a poetry group and stumbled upon write aloud and yours was the first poem I read and thus I joined.
You are a bard in its truest sense.
Comment is about John Coopey (Poet profile)
Original item by John Coopey
Thu 10th May 2012 06:27
I do like "Teardrops in your Coffee" it's such a vivid picture of total despair and loss : the fragility and preciousness of love, so beautiful but so easily broken(China cup), the pain a sharp cutting knife, the emptiness and loss of identity (the plastic rose), being unwanted even by the waitress.
Your use of colour is clever and effective: her existence mirrored into the grey rainy, nothing outside the window an uncoloured world of misery in sharp opposition to the "cheerful " gingham tablecloth inside evocative of picnics and happy times but even then this becomes emotionally dark-coloured blue the colour that broke her heart.
Comment is about Lynn Dye (Poet profile)
Original item by Lynn Dye
Thu 10th May 2012 05:26
This is brilliant I love the wordplay and you paint such a visual and mental image of the frustration and stress involved at the same time giving me a really good laugh
It's also a subject "dear " to my heart at the moment as my daughter is currently searching for their first foray in the fees
Comment is about House Hunting (blog)
Original item by Yvonne Brunton
Thu 10th May 2012 03:37
Wed 9th May 2012 22:56
and then the final line is very effective......
""This impossibility of me and you.""
as u built up the entire poem wiv interrogatives....exploring .....searching for the possibility of union of love ......wiv hope......the questioning creates sense of she is just overthinking .....and that she trying to argue herself out......and almost......confirm/accept to herself that she can love this person..
it ends so bluntly and wiv assurance of the impossibilty........
which ends the besotted style abruptly and comes crashing down to earth
Wed 9th May 2012 22:47
i love the poem IMPOSSIBILTY.........it was great to read........and it is similar to many of my poems....that i not yet uploaded but are in writers journal..........the ABAB rhyme sheme creates effective rhythm and flow to create that besotted lovey dovey emotive atmosphere......the large amount of interrogatives creates sense of unknown......of mystery........and what ifs.....interestingly.......she could either be questioing her own feelings ........for her lover.............or could be questioning her lover directly ( in which case i would seriously consider writing a response poem from perspective of her love !!!!! )
Wed 9th May 2012 22:30
So true, Mike. It's a good title too, I think.
P.S. thank you for your kind comments on "Suspicions". Much appreciated.
Comment is about Flippance is a Goodbye Song (blog)
Original item by Noetic-fret!
Wed 9th May 2012 22:28
this is a very interesting poem , .....my interpretation was a secret love affair hidden in shadow of night.......interesting juxtaposition of light and dark suggests to me 1). the anticipation of posessing the beauty in full light ( love ).........and 2 ). the idea of light overpowering and revealing the shadowed secret........but would love to learn more about this poem........it has interesting form love the line.....
nestled in the shadow of tomorrow
which could have multiple meanings
Comment is about Secret (blog)
Original item by Katypoetess
Wed 9th May 2012 22:17
I wonder why you call the poem it rather than id?impulses unplanned is quite tautological.
shadows in paintings - that's very good, but "subplots" in poetry don't work for me.
Comment is about it (blog)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
Wed 9th May 2012 22:08
A world to share - yet it remains just a dream with all the wrongs you describe so well here. Good one, Mike.
Comment is about The Haunted Future (blog)
Wed 9th May 2012 22:05
Isobel. Yes, and Dad's genes are absolutely useless, too. I like to embarrass my kids as often as possible. After all, they're embarrassing me all the time.
Wed 9th May 2012 20:56
i loved this poem, excellent usage of enjambement, especially in stanza one which creates a nice flow to the poem. i love the metaphors and simlies and contrasts that compare modern day battles of life, to historical and fictional batteles.........
A battle fought on sacred ground
favours those with virtue,
like when the sheriff has the sunlight
behind him in a showdown
this stanza i found especially effective.....the idea of sheriff having sun on his back reminded me of the movie.....THE OUTLAW JOSEY WALES........and the idea that warriors had sun on their back to gain an edge and advantage in battle........and in this poem....i got the sense the battle is life itself and lifes problems.......but the writer is battling wiv themselves, their own conscience and faults........or the collective faults of the entire human race..........i got this sense from the final stanza which switches to 2nd person diret address and interrogatives, after the opening 3rd person perspective and first person thoughts of writer
Comment is about As It Is (blog)
Wed 9th May 2012 18:24
Thanks for pointing out the typo on my latest poem. To be honest after reading this and a few others of yours there are lots of things that I'D cut or do differently. But,sadly i'm not and would never want to be a critic, so i just read the poem and accept it for what it is. Look forward to more of your educating comments. Thanks!
Wed 9th May 2012 16:31
I just want to thank you for all your support. The administrator e-mailed me and assures me that the person who posted my poem doesn't remember doing so. I like to write poetry but have no illusions of being a poet. This is why it was such a surprise. I have actually found this poem on other websites but have always been properly credited.
Again thanks for all the support.
Comment is about Non Traditional Haiku about my Poem (blog)
Original item by Shirley Smothers
Wed 9th May 2012 16:27
Hello MC. Thanks for commenting on my poem "Nontraditional Haiku about my poem".
I have actually found my poem on other websites but have always been credited. Isobel asked if perhaps it was am extract? But this poem is a short one and posted word for word.
Comment is about M.C. Newberry (Poet profile)
Original item by M.C. Newberry
Wed 9th May 2012 16:18
Hi Richard. Thanks for commenting on my poem "Nontraditional Haiku about my Poem".
I like to write poetry but I have no illusions of being a poet. This is why I was so surprised. I have found this poem on other websites but have always been credited. I posted a poem prior to this one titled "Haiku about my Stolen Poem", about the same subject.
Comment is about C Richard Miles (Poet profile)
Original item by C Richard Miles
Wed 9th May 2012 16:07
She has some of her dad's genes too then...
I like it. I like all the poetry that relates to your family/ work/ life - I feel I can connect to it better.
I like the way you convey your 'other worldliness'. That's an unusual get up you went it - I'd have picked you to sit next to :)
Wed 9th May 2012 15:33
Yep, I think you're right, Steve. Most of, if not all, the 2nd verse should go. It was a Psychology degree and, of course, absolutely useless.
Wed 9th May 2012 15:29
i like the way this poems structure creates a great effect to flow and movement of poem ......creates listing and frantic ever changing movement of mind for me.............and the assonance at the end creates a nice ending......
Comment is about no title (blog)
Original item by Glyn Pope
Wed 9th May 2012 15:20
""""Without my consent: this is mutiny.
Mother Nature with her unwanted nuture has forced herself on me; monthly bleeds her morning feeds that go on and on and on."""
these final 3 lines of stanza 2 are very effective, amazing juxtaposition of mutiny and good use of internal rhyme .....excellent personification of mother earth and nature to create a more personal and emotional tone to the poem, which is further iintensified in the final line reference to GAIA goddess of Earth....the concept and allusions to fertility and creation are resounding in final stanza
Comment is about Eternal Engine (blog)
Original item by Susan Gray
Wed 9th May 2012 15:17
I'm always looking for a reason to celebrate
anything - but republicanism in this country
had one fling which was only instrumental in returning the monarchy when people became tired
of the kill-joy, holier-than-thou intrusions in their lives espoused by its primary promoter
who soon managed to elevate himself to "Lord
Protector" (e.g. monarch by any other name).
I can just imagine some politicians - past and
present - who would just love to indulge that
I see no point in using insulting words to put over a view. It seems unlikely to encourage confidence in those following the train of
thought that it contains.
Comment is about Sixty poems to mark Queen's 60 years (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
Wed 9th May 2012 13:53
theres something about putting lyrics on a poetry site that gives another perspective on them. like placing anything really i an art gallery. i worte an essay about it once, displacing objects and making them art. lyrics can be disposable, much like poetry but as placing words into a song gives them life taking them out and making them poetry allows for scrutiny. good word that scrutiny xx
will look up gil scot heron.
Comment is about television. rerun. still on. still relevant. in case you missed it. (blog)
Original item by Rachel Bond
Wed 9th May 2012 12:36
SSSHHHHH!! Stefan - you never know who may be reading - the red leather mini-skirt and the fishnets are supposed to be my secret!!!
Comment is about A very quick pint with Dad long ago (blog)
Wed 9th May 2012 12:23
Thank you very much, Stef for your comments.
And glad to be assistance, ahem... lol ;o)
Comment is about Suspicion (blog)
Wed 9th May 2012 12:22
It's even worse when you find one in a swimming pool. Enjoyed.
Comment is about Polishing a Turd (blog)
Original item by Joe Hakim
Wed 9th May 2012 12:21
Good luck with the sunshine thing. Enjoyed.
Comment is about Bring me sunshine (blog)
Original item by mike watts
Wed 9th May 2012 12:19
I followed the link, reminds me of Gil Scott Heron's work. Funnily enough, I recently saw a doco about him on tv.
Wed 9th May 2012 12:13
I get the notion you could do without parts of this and still convey your sense of being underwhelmed by your day out at some academic establishment. Was it a fine art degree? Anyway, I enjoyed the beginning and end. I thought the rhythm varied considerably but there was some nice wry observations.
Wed 9th May 2012 12:07
I will say this, Our queen has the easiest life a monarch of this country has EVER had. Any poet who's had the gall to accept the position of laureate, in her reign, cannot be considered a real social commentator or poet of consequence in my honest opinion.
The same principle applies to the other writers who would write for similar purposes. It is elevating only in terms of income.
Wed 9th May 2012 12:02
I re-wrote 'untitled' at Cynthia Buell Thomas, advice. I have her to thank for The Journey
Comment is about The Journey (blog)
Wed 9th May 2012 11:44
Anyone for a celebration of republicanism? Fuck the queen and all she stands for (privilage, elitism, capitalism.)
My OBE's in the post (not.)
Patricia &Stefan wilde
Wed 9th May 2012 11:35
Can you fill the bucket
up with cold water please!
don't say Lynn Dye has been at it again Stef!
'fraid so chuck-(SPERLOSH!!)
oooh lovely-now get yer knickers off
and yer knockers out!!
Wed 9th May 2012 11:27
We certainly get the clever gist
of this poem Glynn
and enjoyed it very much.
Wed 9th May 2012 11:09
You are both more than welcome
to the accolade Mrs.B&D
and partly acted upon
are your advisory comments.
we have chosen
a better word than 'slurred'
and came up with-beery-??
we thought 'piggish' was ok,but
in order not to invoke
a ladies displeasure
we changed that to'over swayed'-??
we have met you
on a seventy/thirty basis
'consequently' becomes..as a consequence-??
hope one approves-ta chuck.xx
Lynn-We are grateful for your comments also
and you are right to feel
as though you were there-
we based the character
of the gold digging'young woman'on you-lol!
but out of respect we left out mentioning
the red leather mini-skirt and fishnets..mmm!-
haha!-ta lots lovie.xx
Wed 9th May 2012 09:13
No, I know you weren't trying to take credit - that was obvious because you posted a link underneath and also a comment stating where and who it came from.
I just didn't understand why you put it up is all, so thanks for the note.
Wed 9th May 2012 00:07
I wouldn't buy it either - but because of the content I have read, not its raison d'etre. But then I've even been known to display the national flag on occasions!
Wed 9th May 2012 00:02
amazing storytelling in this poem........i love it..........works well phonologically with rhyme, rhythm and good use of plosives , assonance and consonance. i like the idea of duplicate voice perspectives in this poem.....which offers the feel of a reminiscing of old times and one arguing with himself
Comment is about Memories of Mum and Dad (blog)
Original item by Rob J Mann
Tue 8th May 2012 23:56
It is permitted to print extracts from prose under the fair comment rule. But poetry seems
to be considered easy game - as if it was in communal ownership rather than someone's property. Perhaps length is a contributory
factor in this activity. Who can recall a LONG
poem in whatever format being highjacked in this manner?
Tue 8th May 2012 22:53
'' Hot as hell, black as pitch and sweet as a woman's kiss''...Coffee! Hi ya Katy-
Comment is about Katypoetess (Poet profile)
C Richard Miles
Tue 8th May 2012 22:47
A similar thing happened to me on another site a while ago - someone else re-posted a poem I'd written - only found out when I'd googled it to show it to a friend! But, like yours, it was removed when I contacted the administrators.
Always mixed emotions when you find someone has (re)used a poem you've posted online - depends on where and how, I suppose - sometimes I feel annoyed at how it has been used but mostly flattered that it has been chosen - I've had on-lines poems used for Hampshire Bird and Tree Festival, for Bury Choral Society's latest commission for a young composer and for an Audio tour of Soho - all very pleasing (but they asked permission) but I've also found poems used on slightly frivolous sites - Origami caterpillars, Fairy Friends and Easter Bunny kid's sites - my name's been quoted so I've got the credit as author but no permission asked for!
Tue 8th May 2012 22:20
And your comment made me laugh too! I understand now - didn't realise you were from America.
Accents really affect so many things, syllable counts being just one of them. Part of my job involves teaching phonics to primary school children, who are struggling with reading. The accent of our region can make it difficult at times - for example - 'air' as in hair is pronounced more like 'er' as in her. It's great fun trying to get them to give me correct examples. I think there can be no substitute for just sitting down and reading with kids. All the theory in the world can't replace the value of that.
I'm glad to hear that all your experiences of this site are positive :) x
Comment is about Shirley Smothers (Poet profile)
Tue 8th May 2012 21:39
Thank you Mike for your kind comments, much appreciated. x
Tue 8th May 2012 21:37
Wow! I too am honoured, and really enjoyed this. It is so real, it is like being there, witnessing everything. I like the barmaids with ten fingers on each hand, haha. Thank you guys, much appreciated. xxx
Tue 8th May 2012 20:15
Thanks for the comment on Anna Dacie. I thought I would keep the lines short and to the point.
Comment is about Noetic-fret! (Poet profile)
Tue 8th May 2012 20:14
Comment is about Yvonne Brunton (Poet profile)
Comment is about zethembiso mkhize (Poet profile)
Original item by zethembiso mkhize
© Copyright Julian Jordon Ltd. All rights reserved.